Hands up who basically spent the whole show waiting for Karen and Ola to hurl one another into a duck pond a la Dynasty? Don’t be shy.
Both of our pro-dances this week are themed around a demonic funfair. In the first one, the female pros all lip-sync all ventriloquits dummys and then do some business where they hypnotise the male pros and turn them into stringed puppets. I’m sure it would be quite entertaining if you could see for 5 seconds consistently what the hell going on, the show having conspired to dress everyone in purple and turn all the studio lights deep blue, with everyone festooned in giant ribbons of fabric. The second sees the pros (and a couple of contortionists) play an end-of-the-pier freakshow for special guest stars Madness. A particular highlight is Iveta trying to carry off Dia De Los Muertos style whilst still sporting her bell-end hair from her disco paso.
Backstage gossip, after Tess and Claudia descend on broomsticks, revolves around Ashley playing a serious of hilarious pranks (like hitting people or exploding balloons in their faces) LADZ ON TOUR style, Susanna living up to her role as the HO all over Ben’s chest, and Dave cussing out Danny Baker. Always fun. And yes, THAT floor manager is still there.
Craig happily makes it all the way up to Len’s Glans this week, which focuses on Ben’s Chest (*yawn*), all the judges rubbing it in Craig’s face that they could do the Time Warp and he couldn’t, Brenda mugging at the judges table because Sophie’s jive was pants, a closer look at Natalie hauling in the first 10s of the series, yet another middling dance being undermined via the magic of slow-mo (this time Rachel) and Len whinging about all the illegal lifts he’s noticed and will totally do something when he gets round to it, whatever, he’s got a lot of paperwork to do but he’ll get round to it, probably next week, maybe the week after.
After Sophie and Fiona have a little face-off to argue out who truly was more SHOCKED not to be in the bottom 2, our unlucky pair are revealed. Rachel, coming off a bottom 2 bounce and sat in the middle of the leaderboard, is no real surprise, but Abbey’s appearance, plunging from the 2nd on the leaderboard is quite the shock to the audience (despite everyone predicting this would happen the second her name was revealed as being in the cast). One of them even sounds like she’s riding around on a miniature rollercoaster such are the levels of oohing and ahhing and screaming. Abbey cries about having to kill her poor best friend Rachel, and then promptly does it anyway. IF SHE WAS YOUR REAL FRIEND ABBEY, YOU WOULD HAVE QUIT.
And so it is that Rachel goes out merrily on a decent dance for her, just as I requested last week. AND THE JOHN SERGEANT MEMORIAL PANIC ROLLS ON.