Hallowe’en Week, and all the stars are out. Jelus Kara, Kimbotley, last year’s Champion Louis Smith, last year’s People’s Champion (which we all know is FAR more important) Lisa Riley, and next year’s champion Judy Murray. So many stars of Strictly past, present and future, all come together to watch Mark Benton do the spaceman paso to Sarah Brightman and Brucie call Darcey “Dave”.
(Sadly, Michelle Williams was not there to take her rightful starring role in the Time Warp group-dance that opened the show. She made that dance her own in Series 8, damnit)
As we’re now on the fourth iteration of Hallowe’en Week, the pros are having to reach further and further afield for their inspiration. Instead of just “oh Matt Baker is a vampire and wearing guy-liner” or “oh Harry Judd is a vampire and also wearing guy-liner” (thanks Aliona!) we’re now hitting the more obscure reaches of the B Movies, covering voodoo preachers, haunted paintings, ice-queens, naiads and…erm…scarecrows. All topped off with a trip from Susanna and Kevin to an authentic 1950s drive-through where it turns out that Kevin is a pissed off leprechaun. I mean…the script says he’s a werewolf but…nope. Still, 8s and 9s abound.
Sitting pretty at the top of the leaderboard (again) is Natalie, who plays the role of a swampy temptress in another Artem Chigvintsev Hallowe’en classic. Sadly for a Viennese Waltz it’s a little lacking in in-hold stuff, so Len throws a hufty. He still gives them a 9 though, which makes me a little sad. It’s not a PROPER Len hufty until he starts hauling the 6s and 7s out of cold storage. Then again Ben stomping around semi-nude with frozen spunk all over his face and boobs (a frost giant themed paso, apparently) also gets a 9 from Len so…it’s still kind of an insult. Also getting top marks are Abbey, for a dirty rumba with Aljaz where she has come as the ghost of Lady Gaga’s career, and Patrick, who plays a demonic fortune teller, to whom Anya sells her soul for a personality in their quickstep. It still doesn’t last very long. Cheap bloody BBC 1 cutback voodoo…
Clumping around the middle? Ashley who finally looks on the verge of either shaking off his tiredness or embracing it completely, launcing himself into a dramatic tango where Ola is a…evil…tree zombie or something, whilst Rachel does that nice ballroom routine I was wishing for her last week, as she plays a painting of a Georgian lady who comes to life to stare at the ceiling grinning inanely as she gets ravished by a painting of a gentlemanly Pasha. And who can blame her?
Sinking to the bottom? Sophie as a back-alley vampire who gingerly stalks a frantically overacting Brenda round and round the dustbins like she’s picking her way round dog-poo, until he finally succumbs to her red pleather jumpsuit seduction. She either seems to be slowly sinking out of contention or setting herself up for the mother of all comebacks. She scores exactly the same as Fiona of all people, who performs a scarecrow Charleston full of swivel, but entirely out of time with her dance-partner. Who you blame that on is up to you. They both nestle only just above Iveta, who has come naked and with her hair coiffed into the shape of a bell-end, having choreographed 50% of a paso doble, 30% of harness-work, and 20% of random disco breakdown for Mark to shuttle through dressed in even more bacofoil than Lisa Snowdon, and they ALL sit squarely on top of Darcey, who does the handjive dressed as Beetlejuice.
Darcey, or Dave. I forget which.
(Oh yeah, and Comedy VTs? WE GOT EM! Although they’re all less awful than Nicky’s Murder House, more or less, so that’s a kind of winning)