Strictly Come Dancing 11 – Week 5 Performance Summary

First of all, for those who were struggling to keep track (including the show’s own website monkeys apparently) Natalie was doing a SAMBA (with flamenco arms and no bounce), Comedy Dave was doing a SALSA (with a conga section added), Patrick was also doing a SALSA (with one arm), and Sophie was doing a CHA CHA (with a sheepish face behind some net curtains). That’s your free trial over with, next week I’m going to start charging for Monkseal Salsambcha Recognition lessons. £10 a go, and you get a free t-shirt.

None of the above are their particular celebrities finest hour, but all of them have something about them to appreciate. Natalie’s ever-writhing hips and yet more Artem Injury Porn (he’s got an owie on his noise, poor love); Patrick’s game attempts to overcome the fact that he can’t do lifts in a dance that after last week is surely now defined solely by being an opportunity to haul your female pro around wearing as little as possible ; Karen casually eating a banana during judges comments and then even more casually hurling it onto the dancefloor for the next bugger to slide over on; Sophie…erm…making us appreciate her samba even more in retrospect?

Also maybe not necessarily automatically recognisable from your ballroom textbooks are Deborah’s Viennese Waltz and Ben’s quickstep. Deborah’s Viennese Waltz because Robin has worked a table in and a whole section where she just starts doing the paso doble for no reason. She dances it actually I think the best she’s danced anything but…it’s still slightly disconcerting. Ben’s quickstep on the other hand involves him just about hauling himself off the training room floor only long enough to schlump onto a couch with Kristina, where they sit having a pillow-fight and hurling popcorn at one another to the Friends theme-tune. Based on their quickstep…it might well have been better if he stayed there. People expecting a VAUGHNY style breakthrough will have to wait a little longer.

Rounding out we have a grab-bag of comebacks and collapses. Ola proves that actually using an actual guitar in choreography CAN work (TAKE THAT SID OWEN) if you’ve got a celeb who can handle, it in Ashley’s otherwise slightly lacking jive ; Fiona erases all memories of that rumba with some nice old-school Anton’s Ballroom ; Susanna admits that she knew her samba last week was an awful mess but she LOVED IT ANYWAY, then does a pretty decent American Smooth (albeit one that completely ignores road safety rules) ; Mark finally pulls Craig (who spends all evening sat on a special throne for this hip, bless im) around with a very emotional waltz to OneRepublic. Not a huge amount of dancing but still…THE EMOTIONS ; Abbey does a really nice, emotional foxtrot that cements her place as Head Girl in ballroom but…still gets no standing ovation for it (am I obsessed with standing ovations this year, you may entirely fairly ask) ; Rachel…well it’s not easy to watch. She aims at the paso and just winds up doing the robot dressed as a one of those poor seagulls that got caught in the oil slick. I was hoping for funny-bad – I wound up with unwatchable-bad. At least let the girl do another nice easy ballroom before she has to go.

Most importantly though Len has a MASSIVE hissy fit over how there’s too much faffing in the dances these days, and that next week he expects all the pros to come back and try much harder to respect the purity of dahnce.

Next week is Hallowe’en Week. AKA Spooky Dress Up Week. GOOD LUCK LEN.


32 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 11 – Week 5 Performance Summary

    1. monkseal Post author

      Pasha not getting things is my favourite Pasha.

      Well, outside of the Pasha in my head who gets [JOKE REDACTED].

  1. Isolde

    I hate to say it, but this week I agree with Len. Robin and Deborah were just pushing the table around like the PG Tips chimps for most of their routine.

    1. Pops

      Yes, there’s ‘mucking abaht’ = taking a while to get into hold, but still actually dancing, and there’s ‘mucking abaht’ = sitting on a sofa throwing popcorn at each other.

      I’m sorry Rachel’s acting class didn’t get better results. On the plus side though, i can’t wait for Natalie to get the paso, I think she’ll be brilliant. As well as being a good dancer, Corrie proved she gives great bitch face. She could break Monkseal’s Bunton Paso scale.

      1. monkseal Post author

        I’m boiling with anticipation for AGGRONATALIE at this point. Tango, paso…whatever, I need it.

    2. monkseal Post author

      Obviously they needed to save that for Advertising Animals Week feat. Kevin Clifton as Tony The Tiger.

  2. Monaogg

    Looked like merkin & loo roll cover week for wardrobe, with a nice arrow for Sophie to show off her knees, whilst poor Rachel just tried to look fierce and ended up looking like a grumpy care bear. As for Susanna’s dress the less said the better.

    Karen was just awesome.

  3. lucycorley

    The Man in the Hat was back!!!! Laughing at something Bruce said… Or at Bruce… I can’t really follow a lot of what Bruce says these days so not sure if there was meant to be a joke in there somewhere.

    1. Breppo

      On DWTS the singer with the big boobies is no longer in the obligatory band shot. Last week (effective host) mr Bergeron singled her out. Coincidence?
      Does the production staff read the boards?

  4. Breppo

    I’ll sign up for those Recognition Lessons. It’s getting harder and harder to determine the dance. Before you know it we are in the land of OZ, where if you miss the voice-over you don’t have a clue what dance the couples are doing.

      1. Kerry McCormack (@KerryMc1978)

        I want to know what’s on the free t-shirt?

        I could tell that Natalie was doing the samba based on the ruffles they stuck on her backside. They did their best to throw me off the scent by dancing it to a spanish song with flamenco arms though.

  5. A Frog at Large

    For some reason, I followed the trail of the banana skin and I’m fairly certain that it didn’t end up on the dancefloor but that Karen handed it to Pasha on the tessanine. Poor Pasha didn’t quite know what to do with it

    1. monkseal Post author

      Oh, not the banana skin, but she shook it just before she went up the stairs and there was definite flesh-droppage.

    1. monkseal Post author

      I’m not counting the Launch Show. Are you counting the Launch Show? Because I’m not counting the Launch Show.

  6. diane

    quick sign them up for Monkseal dance recognition classes, 9 and whilst you have them there please could you beat them senseless until they promise to do better( with penalty clauses involving a cage and a diet of porridge if they don’t )

  7. Kate

    Watching Takes Two, Robin seemed to think the table was an exciting addition to the routine. Do we think the pro’s are told to use props? I didn’t mind the table but Fiona stopping and starting, mopping her brow, Anton’s brow, she did less dancing than Dowerger Duchess Violet in Downton. I’m with Len on this.

    1. minxy

      I liked the dancing with the table (yes I am sometimes easily pleased). It fitted the theme and they were actually dancing the VW steps while using it!
      Fiona actually did her best yet, but that hankie faffing really annoyed me (sometimes I am easily annoyed) – I think they were to get her breath back grr

  8. minxy

    Poor Dave – he really tries to dance, puts the hours in, doesn’t whinge, enjoys it, is improving and is doing very well for someone so dyspraxic, with such tightly locked joints and no musicality whatsoever! It is good to see Karen enjoying herself so much this series. When I laugh I laugh with him not at him – his Timewarp on ITT was brilliant (and very similar to mine lol) . He always gives me the warm and fuzzies – unlike Patrick, Fiona and Rachel. Hope he lasts longer than they do.

    I really like 4 out of the 6 new pro’s and am neutral about the other two. Don’t actually miss the ones who have left tbh – it also took me about 3 shows to realise Vinthent hadn’t come back!
    Though I am so happy for Erin on her baby news, and appreciating my Natalie fix on ITT (she had better be back).
    Ian is the only axed pro I would like to see come back! Preferably in Anton’s spot. I maybe wouldn’t mind him, Anton, taking over from Bruce but I really am tired of his half assed dancing and “teaching”.


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