So, having spent the entire month or so since his last stint as PM wallowing in milkshakey ignominy, muttering to himself in the kitchen and holding Zeeshaan’s Yellow Pages, Kurt decides that this is IT. He is going to Project Manage Endeavour, he is going to win, and he’s going to do it against erstwhile bromantic partner and current holder of the “Redemption Arc” banner Neil, who has been teleported over to try to turn Evolve around. This is going to be it! KURT’S COMING BACK BABY!
So needless to say, Kurt takes this one last throw of the dice that he’s begged for and promptly shoves the thing up his nose as hard as he can until it lodges in his brain.
The task is to sell caravans and accessories in Birmingham and it is an absolute bloodbath from beginning to end. Like, arterial spurtings up the wall levels of Evolve absolutely decimating Endeavour. Endeavour pick all the wrong products, that don’t sell, and the right products they do identify they get shoulder-barged off by Luisa, Jordan and Francesca on a terrifying charm-offensive. By contrast Endeavour can only offer up a rampantly insincere Myles (who is so aggressively anti-caravan all episode you have to wonder if he’s hiding something…), a frankly sulky Dr Leah and…well…Natalie as their product selection team. They sell no caravans on the day, despite Myles and Kurt’s best efforts to woo the Septuagenarians of the Midlands with their dubious charms. Of course they were on a loser from the start, as I can tell you that the sort of tactics that work with the glamorous widows of the French Riviera are going to go down so well in Erdington of a Friday night. A very different type of jewels changing hands there. At the last minute, Kurt drafts Dr Leah over from the accessories team because she’s “eye-candy”. He says this out loud. Two weeks after The Apprentice equivalence of the Equal Pay Act. Still nothing happens.
It’s quite something that a team failing so hard all over the place isn’t the most entertaining thing of the whole episode, and in a series without Jason in it, it probably would have been, but here we are. Jason has a GIANT TEDDY! Jason sells a caravan! Jason spends the entire episode driving Neil absolutely up the wall! Jason flirts hilariously with old people! Jason swills a wine glass and acts like he’s the equal of everybody else there because he sold one caravan! It’s truly beautiful. Elsewhere on the team, Luisa and Neil both sell tons and leave Jordan and Francesca in their dust. I think Francesca may well be in Dudley for all the impact she has on the task.
Despite this, I’m fairly sure almost every single member of Evolve as individuals beat every single member of Endeavour combined, and their reward is go stare at Chris Hoy’s muscular arse. Jordan wins at staring at Chris Hoy’s muscular arse. Yet another skill he picked up at private school coming in handy there.
The Evolve Boardroom is, quite frankly, even more of an embarrassment than their performance on the task was. Kurt brings back Natalie and Alex for reasons he never adequately defines, and then it becomes really obvious 5 seconds in that he has absolutely no defence for anything he’s done, so he just spends his last minutes on the show exhaustingly chasing his own tail round and round in circles. Natalie meanwhile does some AGGRESIVELY fake crying. We’re talking “that Dawson’s Creek gif on crack” here. Alex is, bizarrely, the only one there who acts like a grown-up (ironically given that he spends the entire episode whining that nobody respects him because he’s only “22”, or whatever fake-ass vampire cover story he’s got running) and hence the only one to walk away from the DOUBLE FIRING that ensues. Never was one more richly deserved.
Next week : a dating agency advert starring Alex as an emo, and Luisa possibly murdering Jason in am attempted PM coup. Get ready for this series high point people, because it is coming.