After the madness of Dubai last week, Lordalan decides that he wants to keep the drama rolling, so he meets the teams in needlessly grand surroundings, with rolling orchestral music, super dramatic lighting, and Nick and Kaen looking like they’re about to perform a Black Mass. Then he tells them that this week’s task is to create a naff corporate away day. Part of me can’t quite believe it’s taken them this long. Has there ever been a greater idea on this show than getting Apprentice candidates to teach actual business people how to do their jobs, whilst wearing a variety of outlandish costumes? Apart from going to Marrakesh, obviously.
To further stir the pot, Myles is ripped out of the heart of Evolve and booted back to Endeavour, dissolving the former immediately into pitched warfare along by now entrenched tribal lines (Luisa and Jordan vs Appointed PM Francesca and Rebecca, with Jason capering around manically as court jester). A “Back To School” theme is settled on and…then promptly abandoned five seconds later, in favour of wine tastings, cupcake making and giant pink flamingos. No attempt is really made to tie any of this together, or back to the theme, or to the planet Earth, except via Francesca rather sadly saying that when she was young she dreamed of being a policewoman. And then this happened. We don’t hear what Jason’s schoolyard dream was. I think it may have involved him being allowed to take his head out of the toilet now please, sir.
Dr Leah meanwhile, is left staring down the reformed Endeavour Kool Boys Klub, with only Natalie at her most invisible to back her up. It’s not pretty. An early attempt to exert her authority over the initial theme “Majestic & Magisterial Medieval Majesty” is undermined by the team’s client flat out telling her that she’s wrong, and from there it’s all downhill, until Neil, Alex and Myles are running her theme of “Military Boot Camp” between them mob-handedly, whilst she boop-boops around in the background in fatigues. Alex and Neil in particular form some sort of Homoerotic Cat Army Tag Team (Alex as Grumpy Cat, Neil as Piano Cat) and spend most of the day titting around yelling at people in a way they think is imposing, but which instead just comes across like the rejected concept for a Frankie Goes To Hollywood video. The team’s theme is ultimately subtly adjusted from “Military Boot Camp” to “X Factor Boot Camp” as Neil motivates the attendees by talking about how his dad died of cancer when Neil was 18.
Some Redemption Arcs are subtler than others.
After more cringing than perhaps even an episode of The Apprentice should contain, the Kool Boys Of Endeavour are declared the winners (and Neil Neckbeard the winner of the entire series, in there somewhere, or at least that’s what I think I heard) whilst Dr Leah recovers in a darkened room somewhere. They then all go off to a spa and we get further insight into just how Alex’s Eyebrows got to be how they are. He tweezes them. Fascinating stuff.
The boardroom for Evolve mostly revolves around Luisa, as she proclaims that she hates corporate types and also can’t work with women. Oddly enough this, along with her general all-round opposition to Francesca over everything for the entire task, gets her brought back to the boardroom. Of course she just writes it off as Francesca being jealous of her LUSHUS BEWBS or whatever. Also joining them in the boardroom is…somehow not Jason! Those of us who were convinced that he would be fired the second he was on a losing team mop our brows, thank Jesus (/Francesca) and pray that the advertising task comes SOON SO HE CAN DEFINITELY TAKE PART. No, joining Francesca for the final boardroom is Rebecca, who gets identified as being responsible for the team’s high spending tactics, which are taken by Lordalan to be the reason they lost the task. Rather than, you know, THE WHOLE DAY MAKING NO SENSE. Sadly, instead of really trying to defend herself she…just sits there vibrating, and Lordalan finally comes to the conclusion that she is naught but a saleswoman, and fires her.
She will be missed.
Next week : Caravans. Hmmm…