The Apprentice 9 – Week 4 Summary

If you’re particularly attached to calling Evolve “the girls” and Endeavour “the boys” (*eyes to Helpful Voiceover Man*) then I’m afraid this is the week when it ends. This is because it’s time for our first OFFICIAL TEAM SHUFFLE, before they start happening every week and all the fun is sucked out of them. As Natalie and Uzma are “on notice” they are sent over to Endeavour so the men can keep tabs on them, whilst getting ported into the Evolve Vortex are Jordan, Jason and Myles because…erm…they’re all the posh ones? I’m sure there’s some logic to it. Suffice it say that Evolve are now all my favourite people (plus Myles) and Endeavour are now all my not-quite-favourite people (plus Alex).

The task is to create and stock a farm shop which…I think is a task they already did way back in Series 1, but it was one of the more memorable ones, so why not? Project Managers are Neil and Luisa, and the Internet collectively ponder the fact that this means that one of them will definitely WIN but also one of them will definitely LOSE. It’s a tricky equation to be sure. Evolve’s primary product line, at Jordan’s insistence after he reminisces about how he popped his cherry in his school’s ostrich burger van, will be buffalo burgers, jacket potatoes and soup, whilst Endeavour are, at Kurt’s behest, just making loads of milkshakes. After lots of faffing around, mostly involving cows jamming their faces at camera like topless teenagers from Wisconsin on MTV’s Spring Break, the task breaks down (per the edit) into a neat reversal. PM Neil wants his subteam (led by Kurt) to spend as much money on spare produce as they can, and they ignore him and don’t. PM Luisa wants her subteam (led by Myles) to spend as little money on spare produce as they can, and they ignore him and don’t. Per the edit, Myles and Neil are right, and Evolve win, despite Luisa, after utterly burying her in the pre-results boardroom. Even JASON sticks the knife in, which has to be embarrassing.

Anyway, my actual favourite part of the task, beyond the dull mechanics of the thing, is that Luisa chooses to lock Jason in the basement to grate cheese like some sort of hairy Cinderella, and he occasionally breaks free to yell at people that he’s “GOT A SAD BAG OF POTATOES THAT I WANT YOU TO LOOK AT!” before Dr Leah and Myles jump him and drag him back downstairs. Everyone stands around gawping at Jason all day, occasionally interviewing to camera that no really, he can’t do ANYTHING, as he churns out baked potatoes that look like they’ve been through the digestive tract of a pigeon three times over. He’s such a star.

As losing PM, Neil blames Kurt for the loss solely, on the grounds that he is sexually obsessed with milkshakes. But also he brings in Uzma for the final boardroom because…well, you just WOULD wouldn’t you? And of course she goes, because Kurt has a PM win under his belt, Neil has the fact that he has been instrumental to all three of his team’s previous wins under his belt, and Uzma has nothing under her belt except possibly a concealed glue gun to fix those false eyelashes back on.

Next week : DUBAI! I CANNOT WAIT!

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33 thoughts on “The Apprentice 9 – Week 4 Summary

  1. Ferny

    I can’t wait either. What the heck are they going to make of Alex over there? And Jason has to be put on sales from now on, now I’ve seen what he can (/can’t) do. I sort of love that they just sit around pointing out that he can basically do nothing of use.

    Reply
  2. Tim

    12 Go Mad in Dubai? Bring it on, although I doubt we’ll ever have anything to quite match THAT Michael Sophocles moment.

    Leah shown completing a useful sale again this week – a clear pattern developing here. It’s almost like the producers are trying to tell us something about her … no, I have no idea.

    On the bright side, no Myles Mordaunt Underwear Moment this week. Stand down.

    My usual random thoughts here:
    http://slouchingtowardstv.com/2013/05/23/the-apprentice-a-moo-t-point/

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      The best part of Marrakesh will forever be Claire pretending to be Alex’s girlfriend with her hair ratted out to buggery and a face more purple than beetroot.

      Reply
  3. FuTeffla

    I was having a really tough day and then I found out about Dubai and was instantly heartened. They are letting Jason loose on a whole different nation. Marvellous.

    I spent most of tonight’s episode hoping that Neil would get trampled by angry livestock but I imagine all the cows were busy being backed into a corner by Kurt shouting ‘MORE MILK! ALL OF THE MILK FOREVER!’

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  4. Neio

    It seemed like the teams just didn’t get the idea of what a farm shop is. They just seemed to think it was an “open a fast food outlet” task.

    I get the feeling Jordan didn’t watch the Michael Sophocles series of The Apprentice, to judge by his boardroom celebrations. I don’t think he’ll be trying that again.

    For a good-looking guy, Kurt really doesn’t do himself any favours with that permanent frown. It makes him look like Angry Cat.

    Reply
    1. stevenperkins

      Given that both teams ended up operating some sort of takeaway service, I think there was some sort of stipulation in the task briefing that they had to provide a service like that. It seems odd (not impossible, I admit, but odd nonetheless) that both teams would come to the same inaccurate conclusion on how a farm shop operates. I wonder if the producers thought that just having a bunch of people standing around selling lettuces all day wasn’t going to make very interesting TV and added the “make some food and sell it” clause so that they’d have some culinary lolz to fall back on if necessary.

      Reply
    2. monkseal Post author

      I doubt Jordan’s capacity to learn from any of the awful stuff he does in the boardroom. He’ll probably ask Lordalan if he’s tried buffalo meat yet next week.

      Reply
  5. Trudi Rickman

    Thrilled Uzma went last night, but was shocked at how almost human she looked on YF. She looks soooo much better with a darker eye colour (still not her own, I wager), but she is still trying to be white for some bizzare reason, so will always look a freak until she embraces her ethnicity!

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I think the thing with Uzma is that her whole presence on the show was basically her advertising her make-up range so she had to pick the most eye-catching and extreme looks that she could. The end result being that she looked like she was applying it with a cement mixer.

      Reply
  6. JillianBoyd

    Jason not being allowed to interact with humans was brilliant. The moments where he did sneak up on people and try to sell them “sad bags of potatoes” even more so.

    I tweeted last night that I was pondering whether Zeeshaan’s hair is sponsored by VO5. Woke up this morning to find that Zeeshaan himself had favourited said tweet, possibly not realizing that I was taking the piss.

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  7. Jack

    OMG Dubai! Its on Tuesday next week, lest we forget.

    Luisa didn’t irritate me as much this week, but her mannerisms are still annoying. I like Jordan and glad his buffalo gamble paid off, but he’s getting a bit cocky, with his remark to Lord Sugar about buffalo meat and his over-excitedness at the result. Jason was hilarious as per usual, next week in Dubai on a sub-team with two people who are shagging, its going to be brilliant!

    I don’t know why I’m constantly defending Kurt, but I thought criticisms towards him were very unfair considering the milkshakes were seemingly popular and did sell a sizable amount. Ignoring his PM in regards to purchasing stock was very foolish, though. Neil was alright (I spose), but Uzma deserved to go with three boardroom appearances in the first three weeks.

    But Dubai next week! CAN’T WAIT!

    Looking forward to the recap as well.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I guess the problem with Kurt is that the show couldn’t really create a neat narrative as to why the team lost, and Kurt was really the only person all task who made any decision or really *did* anything appreciable (that wasn’t sales) other than Neil. Hence we got the same boardroom as last week – two people hammering out the minutiae of a task, then the third person getting fired for being generally useless.

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  8. farfetchd

    I refuse to get too excited about Dubai in case it lets me down. But at the same time I do have a weird feeling its going to be a good one. Would have preferred the foreign task to be a bit later on though, once the crop has been thinned out a bit.

    Every week with Jason is a blessing and we must treasure him. I think Dr Leah has one week left to become a Kate Walsh, before she turns into a Liz Locke (I got Yasmina vibes in ep 1, but they’re long gone). Neil feels like the winner atm.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I am genuinely wondering what on Earth sort of business a 24 year old doctor with (I’m guessing) no business experience is even going to have. Most of the other likely end-gamers it’s fairly obvious but Dr Leah remains an enigma.

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      1. Matt Clemson

        I reckon she’s developed a pheromone that makes people want to purchase lots of tat. That’d explain her really quite impressive sales performance thus far.

      2. MissFrankiecat

        Fairly obviously some sort of cosmetic enhancement business surely? Either that, or not for profit world peace brokering.

  9. Definitely Not John

    I used to think Kurt was boring, but I’m starting to find his face absolutely fascinating. Especially how the only way you can tell he is annoyed as opposed to bored is when he blinks one eye lid at a time.

    Reply
    1. FuTeffla

      I saw a picture of Kurt where he looked exactly like Van Gogh’s August 1889 self portrait and now I am seeing his face in a completely different light.

      Reply
    2. monkseal Post author

      Kurt’s face became more and more unnerving to me over the course of this episode. It was getting a bit David Lynch by the end.

      Reply
  10. MissE

    The best thing about the team shuffles was separating Natalie and Louisa because I can now tell them apart. They were ever wearing the same leopard-print scarf at the beginning of the episode.
    I could easily just watch a whole episode of Jason though.

    Reply
  11. Scottieboy

    I can’t love Jason any more. He is so utterly wonderful. “Good team leader?” “No, there were mistakes throughout.” It’s like his mouth is operating on a separate plain to everyone else.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I love how guileless he is. Everyone else is playing their meta game (OMG he only brought me into the boardroom because I’ve been there three times before blah blah) and he is genuinely pulling crap that people from Series 1 would think was naive.

      Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      Francesca throwing down the phone and hissing “NOW YOU SEE WHY WE LOST ALL THE TIME!” is so far my favourite Francesca moment, although her melting down outside a Homebase is also up there.

      Reply

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