This week begins with two scenes that will live in my memory forever. First of all Jordan getting his toenails painted jet-black by Luisa. Second of all Natalie and Alex hurtling down the Apprentice staircase, elbows flying, desperately trying to score a point in Phone Answering Wars. I officially now have these people dancing specifically for my amusement. Let’s see what I can do next…
This week’s task is a Product Design task, in the field of flatpack furniture, with teams tasked with designing a Storage Space Solution. Led by Jordan, powered by Alex, the men of Endeavour produce a chair that turns into a table. Led by Natalie, powered by fumes, the girls produce…well they say a lot of things about “multi-functional” this and “adaptable” that, but in the end it turns out to be a grey box on wheels. A grey box on wheels that is somehow too complicated for the show’s design elves to put together, so they enclose a note saying “erm…you finish it”. But the important thing is that it DOESN’T REQUIRE SCREWS, unlike all those other boxes you see out there on the market. Rebecca is the only person who notices at any point that the Emperor’s box has no clothes on and is also is kind of grey, cold and ugly. Of course, absolutely nobody takes any notice of her, but I think we can all take it as a victory that she doesn’t get locked in the box then pushed down a hill going “eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”, for dissent.
When it comes to selling their products, Rebecca, Luisa and Dr Leah are all the amazing sales forces that they’ve been for three episodes now, but it’s irrelevant, because they’re trying to sell a grey box on wheels, so they lose. Natalie brings back Uzma and Sophie to the boardroom, Uzma for claiming that she is able to do design when she can’t, and Sophie for claiming she can do anything at all, when she can’t. It’s left to Sophie to get the Episode 3 “well we cast you in good faith, but it appears you don’t work on reality tv on any level so BYE” firing, and she leaves in a huff, declaring herself too good for this show, then transparently pandering to public whim on You’re Fired (“OH MY GOD, I LOVE JASON, JASON IS MY BEST FRIEND! I HATED ALL THE OTHER WOMEN, AND I HOPE NEVER TO BECOME THEM!”) which is always my least favourite manner of going out on this show. I’d say she’s fooling nobody, but then 50% of the audience said firing her was a mistake so…never go broke correctly estimating that lowest common denominator, girl.
All of which makes it sound like the boys team don’t do much, but rest assured they are a masterpiece of physical comedy. Jordan visibly deflating Zeeshaan’s sales delusions, possibly with an actual pin ; Alex trying to make a sale by waggling his arse in the purchasers faces; Myles dancing around in a thong ; Jason. It’s a laugh a minute. Well…every 4 minutes or so, which is better than this stage last year so…good job guys!