And so the final limps passively over the line in a flurry of montages, best bits, and highlights reels. A particular highlight comes when we spend a good two or three minutes on the “Strictly Shimmy”, a phenomenon which literally NOT ONE PERSON CARES ABOUT. NOT ONE. NOBODY.
First order of business is dispatching Dani in fourth place, which is done pretty summarily, although Vincent is very sweet about it before they’re swept off into the bin. In the end she really was more of a Louisa than a Rachel. This leaves the Final Three to reprise their own personal highlight of the series – Louis his Charleston, Denise her Charleston and Kimberley mercifully Not Her Charleston. Unlike the Judges Choice round, they are mostly better than their first attempt at the dance, although Denise’s lacks a certain Shemness to it. Still the best Charleston of the series, a matter which I am truly depressed that I have been asked to give more than four seconds of thought to.
As is custom, our eliminated celebrities return to perform a final group dance. Except not really. They sit on some sofas at the the big and occasionally wiggle a bit whilst the professionals do the group dance for them. What a swizz. I wanted to at the very least see Michael’s chopper again. Although even standing at the very you can still see Nicky’s. (A HA HA HA HA HA).
Eventually the winner is declared, begrudgingly, because you can kind of tell the show would just rather continuing airing montages and patting itself on the back forever and of COURSE it’s Louis & Flavia. Flavia starts crying about 50 minutes before the announcement, such is her mental state, bless her. She continues the grand tradition of caring FAR more than her male celebrity partner, who is grateful, but not really all that bothered. They don’t bother announcing who came second or third, and then Bruce tells everyone to piss off.
No really. That’s your ending. McFlea totally should have done another stage invasion.