Our Final Four arrive springing out a giant box with their names on them. All the girls are in sparkly gold frock, but sadly, Louis is not, and is wearing the wanky bow-tie that is apparently de rigeur for all male cast members this year. Happily, it is not untied.
Judges Choice: This year, this round has been rebranded “dances we think that you could have done better”, which for a moment suggests that it might not be the orgy of 10s it normally is. A very brief moment. Denise redoes her jive, worse, and gets 39. A nation has a brief heart-attack that Denise didn’t get a St Jill matching score, as has been hyped up ever since that dance was first performed way back in Week 2. This is the only unpredictable thing to happen all show, and it almost makes me fond of Craig (the sole hold-out) again. Also scoring 39 are Kimberley’s Viennese Waltz (slathered with lashings of “YOU’VE BEEN ON A JOURNEY!!!”) and Louis’ Dirty Dancing Dance which at least looks more like a salsa this time, as much as you might wish it wouldn’t. Bringing up the rear is Tracy, whose slightly underbaked tango gets Chambers’d out with a HORRIFICALLY LOW score of 36. This sadly proves to be somewhat of a theme.
Showdances : Ooooh, there it goes. Denise is first up, and spends the entire dance in an unflattering black leotard doing nothing but lifts. And it’s the best showdance of the evening (think on that!). It’s basically Bacofoil Snowdance but done by someone who can actually perform it. Kimberley is probably next best, whose showdance is a Beyonce inspired boring sloppy lift-fest in which she’s wearing a black pantsuit that makes her arse looks huge but (BUT!) there’s a giant hoop that actually BURSTS INTO FLAMES halfway through, so it’s well worth a watch. Louis’ showdance? As much as you’d expect. Unbearably pretentious quasi-balletic shirtlessness, where he does gymnastics on a giant globe. My favourite part is when Flavia just stops the entire dance to do half an Argentine Tango, flicking up the vs at the producers for changing the rules mid-series again.
But the capper of all the crappy showdances is Tracy, dancing a combination of rumba and paso doble to Bohemian Rhapsody (!). It is frankly inexplicable, and Vincent really needs to stop trying to choreograph to his contestants “favourite song” when it’s not suitable for anything other than drunken karaoke.
In summary, probably a good show for Denise (in that she danced well) and Louis (in that he didn’t die), a mixed affair for Kimberley, and a minor disaster for Tracy. With only the “Couples Favourites” and Robbie Williams to go, the result seems a fairly sure bet.