Strictly Come Dancing 10 – Week 9 Results Summary

Oh Lord. Basically everything about this results show was a terrifying unpredictable mess apart from the result, which was so predictable that everyone predicted it halfway through the Performance Show and started doing their goodbye speeches as a result. The opening pro dance is some sort of sexified 1920s filth Charleston about he decadence of the interwar period. I believe James described it as being “inspired by Gatsby” on It Takes Two during the week, and if that’s the case then Brenda is Gatsby (OF COURSE HE IS) Natalie is Daisy (complete with SUPER AWESOME A+ wig-work), Artem is Tom Buchanan (but less punchy), Karen is Myrtle (and barely less dopey looking), Pasha is wooby narrator Nick (bah-duh) and Aliona is that slapper who he dumps at the end. I forget her name. She was quite the slapper though. Everyone else is a waiter. I may be overthinking this. By “Gatsby inspired” James probably meant that they’re wearing waistcoats. Nobody gets run over by a car. Unless you count Tess’ evening wear.

Our backstage guide this week is “Jive Bunny”. Enough said.

Our musical guests this week are JLS, who are apparently still a thing that happen, even if their songs now are just all the ones rejected by both The Wanted AND One Direction. And given the songs they’ve put out, that’s quite some quality control slippage. Marvin’s less fit than he used to be as well, for shame. Oh and there’s also Alfie Boe again, doing his not quite operatic singing through another MOR Radio 2 classic (in this case “Bridge Over Troubled Waters”) still looking like the Dec from an Ant & Dec themed gay porno. He’s accompanied by Artem and Aliona, performing a truly MANIC rumba, presumably just so she can prove that she can still dance at speed without bits dropping off all over the dancefloor.

Len’s Glans focuses almost not at all on the dances, or even on the judges WACKY ANTICS for once, but on the judges saying “LISA IS POPULAR!” and “LOUIS SURE DID FINISH THAT JOURNEY!” repeatedly, ignoring the fact that “Louis’ Journey” started a week ago with them even if it did start 7 weeks ago with everybody else. My favourite part is when Craig flat out lies that he’s never scored Louis higher than a 6 before, which is frankly BIZARRE. There was I thinking the scripting for this show was simplistic but apparently…not enough for Craig. We also, for whatever reason, get more “Jive Bunny”.

Our Bottom 2? Well, after Denise acts terrified some more and the judges put Kimberley in the “last to be called safe” slot again (because they be bitches like that), it’s time for this year’s Bromance to be disassembled, as Michael and Nicky both reap the whirlwind of their ugly dance draw and wind up facing off in the dance-off, with Michael going home and Natalie giving him a great big wert sloppy goodbye.

But the BIGGEST random news of the show is the reveal that next week’s theme is “Dance Fusion”, an idea nicked from Dancing With The Stars, wherein our contestants perform two different genres of dance in the space of 90 seconds to the same song. It’s an idea that finished a GLORIOUS 5th in my “Which DWTS gimmick would you like to see on Strictly?” poll, finishing barely 1% ahead of “Country Music Week”. Worse than that, THINK OF MY SPREADSHEETS!

MY BELOVED SPREADSHEETS!

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18 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 10 – Week 9 Results Summary

  1. Stormy

    *wanders through, wailing “NOO! MICHAEL! WAAAAHHH!” and clutching a teddy bear*

    (Oh and dear god, SCD, don’t keep copying DWTS! There’s a reason I stopped watching that mess.)

    Reply
  2. Carl

    Most of the choreographers on DWTS now either can’t choreograph or only care about showcasing themselves. Strictly is fortunate to have a little better mix – the only one left I’d say is a bad choreographer is Robin, and while Flavia and James are uneven, they have their great moments. (Karen – no idea)

    I knew Michael was going, but wanted to see one more ballroom. Poor Natalie. They were the only couple this series I felt any connection to.

    Did you read that article claiming Louis and Lisa are the highest vote-getters? I can believe it, mostly because the judge games (making it look like Louis is not running away with it; generously scoring Lisa so that her numbers will eventually drop and they can get her out before the end) come across that way to me.

    Denise looked a lot like Juliet Mills. I wouldn’t mind seeing Juliet Mills on the show.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I think that article was in The Daily Star as well, which is usually good for reasonably accurate vote-leaks. Astonishing given that they’re so utterly awful in every other way.

      Reply
  3. Llwynog

    Dance fusion? Although there’s a part of me that thinks a rumba-charleston could be quite interesting to watch, the bigger, saner part of me is sat here thinking, “inthenameofallthingsholywhywhywhy???”

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      Of course, they’re only going to do tasteful dances that work together thematically. Obviously I’d kill for an Argentine Tango-Charleston combination. What a mess.

      Reply
  4. Poppy

    Surely they’ve been doing fusion dances for years now…any salsambcha you care to mention. Actually any of Anton’s Latin you care to mention.

    I know you don’t often screencap the safety sex faces of the last ones saved, but Pasha’s woobie face was heart-melting…please, Monkseal, could you save it for posterity in your blog?

    Reply
  5. Dancing Cake

    I’m really annoyed they didn’t leave Denise and James till the last two. Such a golden opportunity missed.

    Reply
    1. Stormy

      No, no, they should do it next weekend. They were sort of expecting it this time. Leave it til next weekend when they do really well to let them sweat it out. Then again, I’m cruel. I want to see them suffer when they’re not expecting to.

      Reply
  6. Matt Clemson

    I’m living in hope that one team will do a DANCE FUSION of Samba and Salsa, then stare Len down and demand that he points out the transition. I sure as hell won’t know where it is.

    Reply
  7. Crunchy Frog

    The “Gatsby slapper” is Jordan Baker, and Aliona would fit her very nicely except (dah ! dah! dah! ) that Jordan stooped to cheating to win her first golf tournament which would surely fit Iveta’s Strictly M.O. even more neatly.

    Allegedly.

    No,I didn’t say it.

    Still, The Circle Of Life. How exciting!

    Oh, and Fusion Dance-a-go-go. How very NOT exciting ! Has Moira Ross returned whilst we were distracted by Little Louis’ Exciting Journey to complete her fell work ? It’ll be hot coals next. Or limbo. Or hot coals/limbo fusion. Limbo/hot coals/Viennese Waltz. Dressed as your favorite sci-fi characters. Wibble. Double wibble.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      Evil Moira Ross has obviously stmoped in, pissed off that the people she left in charge have just copied her, and told them to come up with 10 dumb new ideas and implement them all at once. So they can “put their mark” on things.

      Reply

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