Well everyone who ever wondered what Erin Boag would look like street-dancing got their answer this week, as all of the female pros were joined by members of Britain’s Got Talent 8th placers Flawless for a very special tribute to Michael Jackson. I’m not entirely sure why, apart from as some sort of attempt to inspire Louis to try to match up to their performance levels. Incidentally, we find out he’s got Charleston next week. That should…settle things either way I think.
Additionally, anyone wondering what Claudia would look like as a hotel maid from the 1950s also have their answer, as that’s what she’s come dressed as. Now…do what you want with that image and feel free to never tell me about it. She is handily overshadowed however by Tess, who has expanded her bunny-girl outfit of two weeks ago into a whole way of living. Neither of them are on backstage snooping duties however, as that role has been passed off to Brenda, who mostly uses it as an excuse to flirt with middle-aged women and try to flog them tickets for his tour, as the PRODUCERS ARE TOO MEAN TO LET HIM DO IT ON IT TAKES TWO, THE BASTARDS. Victoria? Training? Rehearsal? What?
Len’s Lens features an hilarious shot of Len walking, more prodding of Louis to get on with her Performance Journey Arc already because the judges are getting bored, Nicky’s Charleston gurning, a needless revisiting of the CLASSIC STRICTLY MOMENT when Craig implied that Kimberley had thumbed Pasha’s anus mid-dance, Bruno doing the Single Ladies dance and an EXPLANATION TO THE GREATEST STRICTLY MYSTERY OF ALL TIME – WHY WERE BRUNO AND LEN LAUGHING AT LISA’S RUMBA MARKS? Sadly it is not the explanation I was expecting – that being that Darcey had just farted. What? It would have humanised her!
This week’s special guests? The Script. Mmm hmmm.
And so to our elimination, but not before a whole avalanche of psychologically fascinating reactions from our contestants, from Louis’ disinterest to Kimberley’s ecstacy via Denise creeping ever closer to the edge as she continues to expect a SHOCK BOTTOM TWO PLACEMENT that won’t and almost certainly can’t come, mathematically speaking. Of the rest, Lisa continues to cast baleful looks at the judges table, and Tracy weeps into her hankie about how she wishes everybody could be saved every week, because everyone is like everyone’s mum and the loveliest person she has ever met etc etc.
This of course leaves a relieved Victoria and a saddened Michael in the bottom 2 with the end-result being that we all bear witness to the sad, but probably necessary end of PENDLEDRAMA. She, of course, goes out crying to the last beat of the theme tune. Never change, you Olympic lunatic.