It’s a bit of an odd week on Strictly Come Dancing this week. The storyline seems very much to be of a post-Wembley comedown, as all bar one of the celebs fail to surpass the standard they set last week, and over half of them actually drop. Or at least in terms of judges scores. Personally I would rather watch Lisa’s rumba (theatrical, driven, a mite more pleasant in the arms than the legs) seventeen more times than sit through that bloody samba splits once more, but the judges clearly only have any interest in her when she’s running around gurning, so it gets short shrift which she greets…a mite more passive-aggressively than you might hope.
Also finding themselves on the sharp end of a judges tongue lashing again are Louis & Flavia who deliver a very slow and elegant dance with Louis’ face radiating a slightly bovine superior romantic air. Unfortunately it’s supposed to be a paso doble, and this is Strictly, and if you’re not jumping up and down yelling “HA!” then you might as well not turn up. The judges do, at least, finally, after about a month of it being owed, tell him to actually wear a different face whilst he dances for once, occasionally, so we’ll see how that goes. It’s about time. Still the greatest fall from grace this week is reserved for Michael, who drops a mighty 9 points from his Wembley triumph, as Natalie taps right into the “the man stands still, and occasionally walks, as the female pro vamps around like a praying mantis with a dead leg” school of Argentine Tango choreography, with sadly underwhelming results. Then Len and Craig get into a fight about it, with even more underwhelming results. Especially if you ever believed that the male celebrities actually ever really led their female pro partners but…more fool you if you did.
Stagnating slightly are Victoria and Kimberley. The former because she’s doing salsambcha, again, to an awful music choice, again, and looking like she wants to die, again. Frankly they could not be hanging neon signs saying “PLEASE VOTE HER OFF, WE’VE TRIED DROPPING HINTS, BUT APPARENTLY IT’S NOT WORKING” any more clearly. (Bruno calls Brendan “Brenda” though, which makes my night). The latter on the other hand is stagnating in her scores, as she finds herself stuck on 34 for the third week running. Her actual dance on the other hand is probably her best performance yet – a neck-whipping chin-jutting vicious tango which I actually really enjoy (once I get Rachel & Vincent’s ERA-DEFINING Argentine Tango to the same music out of my head) even if she doesn’t seem to have any idea that she’s supposed to be in hold. Maybe it’s part of the story of the dance that she looked like she was trying to detach herself from Pasha the whole time? (*Len voice*) WOT? I SED I LIKED IT, STOP BOOING ME! (*Len voice ends*)
Which just leaves our top three for the evening – Denise & James, who deserve credit for pulling off an American Smooth to “Imagine” that doesn’t once make me want to vomit. It also ends in a lift where James’ head disappears up Denise’s hoohah, which I imagine takes some doing ; Tracy & Vincent who basically just do the Single Ladies dance with occasional samba interludes, so I’m happy ; and…Nicky & Karen. That’s right, Nicky & Karen, although it IS for a Charleston, so don’t get too excited. It does involve Karen being tied to train tracks though, which I’m sure got some of you VERY excited. Never mind Karen, there’s still time for you to win the nation’s hearts! It took Natalie Lowe four series!
Oh and at one point Bruce does his annual strip-tease. And really, isn’t that the biggest comedown of all?