Strictly Come Dancing 10 – Week 5 Performance Summary

Goodness, I’d forgotten what this show was like without all those themes cluttering the place up. Darm “themes”. Comedy VTs, props, ugly costumes, gimmicks, extravagant staging, dances that don’t resemble anything I’ve seen on the show before…well they were all still here but…erm…at least they’ve not forced Davearch into a costume. He looked so miserable last time.

First out is Kimberley, descending to the dance-floor in a hoop, to a frankly ear-shattering rendition of “Naughty Girl” from the band. She gets the Strictly salsa vibe down pat (flick your hair, wiggle your hips, swing your arms about like Pat-A-Cake Patty, purse your mouth up like a particularly constipated cat’s arse) but her crocked knee clearly isn’t ready for the extravagant lifts that Pasha has given her to do. The last one in particular looks like she’s being run over by a speeding car. And Pasha is stood still during it. Bruce also calls Pasha “Pasta” at one point, but compared to how erratic he is for the first half hour of the show at least, it’s a minor stumble. Following lukewarm on her heels is Lisa, who does a bobby tango to “Let’s Stick Together”. She and Bobby trying to look sexy and dynamic to the parping of Roxy Music was unfortunate indeed.

Then…Erin Island explodes all over the dancefloor (no really, with actual palm trees and alcohol and everything) with such violence that Richard forgets his routine entirely, and doesn’t make any sort of effort at all to act like he hasn’t. On the other hand, he’s so thoroughly charming about it afterwards, that it’s the most likable he’s been all series. Denise on the other hand pulls off a strong Viennese Waltz that leaves me a bit cold, in the sort of way that feels like it should be trailed by going “AND I REALLY LIKED HER FOXTROT AND HER JIVE!” just in case people it’s because I is a biased jelus hatah. Then again, maybe I am.

Duelling sambas are next. It’s PENDLEDRAMA vs Louis. Hardly seems fair does it? To be honest though, neither covers themselves in glory. Victoria bobs around in an ungainly fashion but it’s hard to focus on her technique when her face is the most uncomfortable “hating every second” face since they made Gavin dress as a cowboy, and Louis is very mechanical and characterless. Fortunately for him, what he’s doing mechanically is GRINDING his hips around suggestively, so it gets the only standing ovation of the evening. I know. Only one. That’s just how flat the show is this week.

We speed through Colin dancing to his height (and nobody else’s) again in the foxtrot and Nicky walking through a rumba constantly on the verge of laughing hysterically (although to be fair, so is Karen) until we run slap bang into Artem’s very own variation on Ola’s Hypnoboobs – the Transfixatits, as he danced his paso doble topless. How bad can Fern be that he feels the need to strip off for votes? Aside from a magnificently dramatic opening – very bad indeed. At one point she accidentally starts a slap-fight with Artem because she can’t tell where her hands are supposed to be. Mercifully for her, they remain bolted to her dress for the rest of the dance. Next week? Nothing but his briefs, I’m guessing. And they’ll be tight ones.

It’s left up to Michael and Tracy to save the show, but unfortunately Michael’s not quite up to it, as his foxtrot doesn’t quite have the shock value of his quickstep last week. What it does have is Natalie miming along to the song and stuffing her face with candy floss, which is almost as good. No, it’s left up to Tracy to provide me with the one dance I really loved of the evening with her jive. As hard as I tried to resist it, as it’s the most obvious thing in the world dramatically to give a tiny short energetic person on the verge of a breakthrough the jive to do, but there we are. AND it’s danced to Olly Murs. What can I say, I tried to not love it, but in the end I caved.

The Comedy VT before it was still embarassing tut though…


29 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 10 – Week 5 Performance Summary

  1. Alli

    Don’t tease me with the thought of Artem in just his pants. I can’t take the excitement. Can you do a ballroom in your pants? The show tonight must have been bad if the only excitement were Artem’s magnificent boobies and did Louis make it through the whole show without vomiting.

    Jesus, the foxtrot is dull, dull, DULL. I almost want a charleston just to break up the tedium. I did say almost πŸ˜€

  2. Left Feet

    Denise did the best dance this week but its hard to make a VW anthing less then boring Alesha and Kara both did excellent memorable ones

    1. monkseal Post author

      I’ve always been the opposite : I’m an easy mark for Viennese Waltzes and always have been. Even the middling ones like Alex Jones, Lisa Riley, Audley Harrison, Patsy Kensit etc. It just didn’t click with me, for whatever reason.

  3. Left Feet

    Also Louis will win after his Samba was pretty average with zero facial expression and still the crowd went nuts. Last year at least Jason was at a high standard early and Chelsee to challenge Harry. The miserable gits did not even get up for Dani’s jive a partial breakthough for her.

    1. Carl

      The show has done a good job of making sure Louis gets a lot of support regardless of the dancing (although Louis has helped this by being more likeable in the last few weeks and having a more fun partnership with Flavia). I’ve just decided to give up on their having a connection when dancing. They do in training and interviews, but I don’t see it on the floor.

      Last year when people said it was all set up for Harry, I didn’t agree, probably because I really liked Harry (albeit not always for dancing reasons) and therefore wanted to see him as an underdog, so it would be hypocritical of me to now say, “It’s all set up for Louis.” But more and more I don’t think anyone else will challenge him, unless Michael Vaughan miraculously becomes better in Latin or Denise is far more popular than I think she is.

      At this point it’s all so up in the air I wouldn’t even be completely surprised if Fern and Artem make the finals. I don’t watch DWTS very often now but Gilles Marini got publicity (and votes) by stripping down to his boxer briefs for a group dance. I guess we’ll see just how desperate Artem gets…

      1. Left Feet

        Well I never saw the 2011 series as a foregone conclusion and only really thought that Harry had it in the bag during the final. Jason was better then him in the early weeks and Chelsee in the quarter/semi finals. Going into the final I thought that Chelsee had the momentum but did not dance that well sadly in the final itself.
        Back to this year Denise is the best of the girls but the ringer tag will hurt her, Kimberely probably has a bigger fanbase but she needs to dance better to increase it. Michael is the only other man to get above 30 but I’ll expect comedy latin again next week from him. I just wish that Louis would smile, the samba is supposed to be a party dance it looked like he was at a wake!

      2. monkseal Post author

        Michael and Victoria are more or less in exactly the same position from here on out – will get high ballroom marks and low latin marks until they can’t make it work. Victoria has a better dance draw remaining, but also there’s her inherent unpredictability where she could theoretically mess anything up.

      3. monkseal Post author

        I think it’s 1. Louis, 2. Denise, and the third spot could go to more or less anybody (except Richard, Colin, or probably Fern). It’s quiite somthing where the biggest thrill you’re getting from the show, at least in terms of the competititive element, is who’s going to sneak into the final and get eliminated in the first half.

    2. monkseal Post author

      The atmosphere was really dead generally I thought. Dunno what that was about. Even in the older series Dani’s jive would have got the odd woop during it if not a standing ovation. It was like a wake.

      1. Carl

        There seems to be a real sense of malaise around Dani. I thought I would dislike her, based on the launch show, but I’ve really grown to like her and other than the drunk dance I’ve enjoyed all of her performances. I don’t really see that same reaction elsewhere. But I think she will struggle to make it past the final five or six.

      2. monkseal Post author

        I think she’ll easily make the semis, unless she finds herself in a dance-off with Kimberley, which I think is going to be the Way Out for a few of these contestants once Richard is cleared out. From there, she’d better hope for a fortuitous leaderboard. It could happen.

  4. Monaogg

    Very difficult to sort this year with Nicky Westlife fans skewing the vote (same as Harry last year but perhaps without the added Mothers). Thought he looked like he was sucking the sourest lemon on the planet all through the unconvincing rumba.
    Typical saccharine VW from James, nicely done though.
    Kept yelling at the TV for Michael to lean back a bit. Great song though and at least the band didn’t murder this unlike most.
    Fern looks like she is getting worse rather than better. Only Artem’s chest is saving them.
    Louis & Flavia looked OK and Lewis managed to make Brendan look like his samba was very mincing.
    Colin & Kristina seem unconvincing despite the kicks, where at least Lisa & Robin kept the hold & straight faces for a change.
    Kimberly & Pasha produced a reasonable Salsa despite the knee. Just wish there was more of a spark in her performance.

    Only decent dance of the night was Dani & Vincent and their effort was somewhat overlooked by the judges.

    1. monkseal Post author

      I thought the opposite with Nicky : he looked on the verge of cacking himself laughing. Most endearing thing he’s done all series.

      Dance was still pants, mind.

  5. pamminxy

    surprised Craig didn’t have a go at Robin about his hand on Lisa’s back , not really, only the zelebs get that telling off – but seriously check out Bobby’s thumb and splayed fingers – spatulistic … and he is the pro???.

    Good to see Michael keeping up the journey (insert told ya so dance here lol) – just needs to master leading now … oh and Latin. I really want him to stay. Guess I better actually pick up the phone next week then, judging by the way Nats said salsamchamba !

    Almost felt sorry for Nicky and Karen this week, almost. They have worked so hard and improved so much this week. For a male rumba it was pretty good but …. the sewn together lips and absolute disdain he has for Karen sharing his spotlight, totally killed it – dead as a dodo, and made it so much worse than the train wrecks they usually are.

    About time Vicky pulled on her big girl panties and used her skills at focusing on the task in hand, No one gets to the top without being able to tune out the nerves and audience so p’shaw to that excuse, or GTFO.

    So over Colin. (and ❀ Darcy for the John Cleese comment, when Kristina is sounding doubtful then maybe take the hint it isn't that good huh Colin?).

    Actually looking forward to the dance off tonight!
    NEVER thought I would utter those words!! but I am hoping to see Richard nail it this time. Fingers crossed.

    The Transfixatits pml <3<3 <3, but despite them I still find myself chanting "Free the Fartem One" If she breaks Artem she will be hunted down and suffer. Fern really should be past the dusting stage now, let's have one dance without bloody skirt wafting please. I don't care if it is her version of comfort, suck on a baby's dummy – it couldn't look worse! Someone tell her it is the movement of her body that is supposed to move the dress, even when skirt grabbing is a part of the actual dance.

      1. pamminxy

        me too πŸ™‚ he just does crap Latin with such “sod it, I’m here and pants so I may as well enjoy being pants” humour and that makes it so enjoyable and endearing!!
        He may improve – Nat’s not sure lol
        I’ll take him as he comes, expect and laugh with the worst, ready to be pleasantly shocked and will be slightly disappointed if it is meh! And throw him a couple of votes anyway.

  6. Breppo

    We desperately need Felix Castor to exorcise whatever it is that keeps Brucie on the show. Last night was an absolute low. Poor Tess, Brucie’s tedious ramblings and phoned in punch lines make it almost impossible for her to keep the show going and have some room for cue card free banter with the couples.
    Loved Dani’s Jive. The first and most likely only proper Jive of this season. It deserved more.
    I hope she makes it to the final three.

    1. Alli

      I’m getting well hacked off with Brucie getting the arseache every time his jokes aren’t met with due reverence by the live audience. Deliver a joke properly Bruce and the audience might wake up. If its bad at home, imagine their pain!
      Is Colin getting well jell about the audience loving Louis and so decided to take of gymnast at kicking? Big mistake Colin, they were ugly and Kristina was almost whacking herself in the face trying to mirror the height of his kicks. Why didn’t she just say no?

  7. Llwynog

    Glad I’m not the only one who thought Dani was overlooked … well … apart from by Len and horrors of horrors, I actually found myself agreeing with him on the results show tonight.

    1. monkseal Post author

      It’s odd, because they really scripted that to be her Breakthrough Dance and then when it happened…they didn’t sell it. Then again, she’s got another Vincent speciality this week (tango) so maybe she’ll have another one.

      1. Llwynog

        Am hoping so. Was actually really impressed by her cha cha cha – it was a bit wobbly and it was easy to get distracted by the sheer hideousness of what she and Vincent were wearing, but it was *definitely* a cha cha … not something that can be said in connection to SCD.

        Have always been a bit “meh” when it comes to the jive. My Mum dances it, so have been brought up seeing it done properly … again, not something that happens that often on SCD. Dani really did nail it, IMO.

  8. MissFrankiecat

    I actually rather admire Louis for refusing to participate in the ridiculous gurning that seems to be viewed as an appropriate facial expression for practically every Strictly dance. What is less forgive able is his refusal to have any eye contact with his partner until the dance is over, although I suspect boh that and his perennial look of apparently disinterested absence both are throwbacks to his sport. I liked his samba a lot despite the mistakes. It’s usually a ridiculously awkward dance that couldn’t look less like a party, whereas Flavia’s clever choreography gave their effort character and plot. I really like it when both she and Vincent get half decent partners because both of them actually bother to put in a lot of content and make demands on their celeb instead of trotting out the old tired slush or cheese (I’m looking at you Brendan, James and Ola!)

    1. Left Feet

      Usually agree but a smile wouldn’t hurt once in a while, he either looks bored or asleep one of the two. Your right the likes of Tom Chambers and Chris Hollins took gurning to a new level but Austin smiled so did Ramps. Heck the last good sportsperson on Stictly Jade Johnson perormed the dances. He’s good could be excellent but not yet.


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