Strictly Come Dancing 10 – Week 2 Performance Summary

So it’s time for all fourteen of our celebrities to come back and round off the mini storylines they started last week. Will Tracy Beaker conquer her nerves? Will Lisa just be a one-week wonder? Will Victoria remember her routine? Will Fern let go off her bloody skirt? Will Richard gay it up? The answers? “Yes”, “Not Quite”, “Just About”, “NEVER!”, and “Erin is choreographing him, what the hell do you think?”.

Because the show is fully embracing Generation ADD we’re getting five different flavours of dance – more cha chas (joy), salsas, jives, foxtrots and Vienneses. Admittedly the difference between cha-cha and salsa is really the same as the difference between “Original” and “Ready Salted” – very subtle and imperceptable to novices in the ways of the PURITY OF DAHNCE such as me. So really it’s four genres of dan…oh no, wait, Karen appears to have been told she’ll be dancing in the “Club Bangers” genre, as Nicky does some quality shape-pulling the likes of which you could see in any provincial night just as people start to get drunk. Sadly, nobody appears to have told the judges, who were expecting cha-cha, or Nicky, who apparently thought he would be dancing without Karen entirely, until she appears halfway through the routine, dressed as 80s Cher, and scares the shit out of him. This leaves them rooted to the bottom of the leaderboard with Johnny’s Viennese Waltz (same as last week but with less movement but more Iveta, which is always a bonus), Jerry’s Foxtrot (same as last week, but possibly actually unconscious), and Richard’s cha-cha for company, as Erin more than matches the show’s demand from last week that Richard just do stupid gay flapping rather than try and dance, to eye-burning effect. They abandon technique, good taste, and the pretence that they’re even supposed to be in sync. Erin has officially snapped and her dirty protest on this whole show is FABULOUS.

Sitting in the middle are a few people on a mild comedown from last week. Sid’s salsa hits a few of the typical Ola standards (knee-slides, starfish shapes, ungainly lifts) and whilst charming, isn’t quite his waltz. Lisa is still a force of festivity and momentum, but she was never going to be as impactful in a Viennese Waltz as in a cha cha. Happily Robin still turns out the campy choreography, as Lisa plays Cinderella who dances with her Prince Charming until he gets ditsracted by a midnight dong. Kimberley also dips slightly, as Pasha turns out a masterpiece of moody foxtrot Adele choreography, and she ever-so-slightly fails to live up to it, leading with her chin and making obvious stumbles every 20 seconds or so. Still, the Strictly Lamp Posts are back, which is always worth noting. Sadly, nobody swings around them or throws their hat over them though. Still, there’s time. Colin and Fern meanwhile remain at more or less the same mid-table standard as last week. Fern is still hanging on to her skirt for grim life and Colin is still far too tall for Kristina, but they both have an endearing relationship with their dance partners and both, fingers crossed, should be safe. Victoria on the other hand, is moving on up, as she makes it all the way through her dance, and only almost falls over about three times. It seems that either Darcey’s advice about getting heels she can dance in has been ignored or that in fact, such heels don’t exist. Darcey doesn’t hold it against her, as she scores her 6. The same as she scores everyone else.

At the top? Tracy Beaker, who overcomes her drunken disaster last week to produce a drunken DELIGHT this week, dancing a sinuous salsa to “Mama Do The Hump” as Pac-Man goes “WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA” in the background. She even survives getting utterly pancaked in a lift at the end with her dignity more or less intact. But triumphant over all are Louis and Denise. The former just about (by a very slim margin) (no, really, tiny) makes me not want to vomit all over a Viennese Waltz danced to “Puppy Love” (WHY FLAVIA WHY?) and the latter overcomes whiplash to produce a rip-roaring jive. Then everyone gang-snogs Craig and it goes a bit awful. Keep it on the floor guys.

Oh, wait, have I forgotten somebody? Well, earlier today I found myself mithering that, as much as I’m enjoying this series, I’ve missed my Gavin. And my Nancy. The contestant who is transformatively awful, whilst being hilarious at the same time, in a mildly oblivious sense. And the seeds were there with Michael last week, rambling away about his bar bet but I never expected the brilliance I saw tonight. For Natalie has choreographed a lumberjack themed jive (!) to Shakin Stevens (!) complete with an actual axe (!) which Michael dances dressed for a night at a linedancing bar with Natlie in spangly denim hotpants (!) utterly dreadfully, slopping all over the place and randomly flirting with Darcey for no reason. Afterwards Natalie threatens to decapitate Craig with the axe (!) and then realises it was so shit that even she, mistress of positivity, can’t praise it with a straight face, collapsing into a fit of the giggles (!).

If you vote him out now, public, on the brink of such madness to come, I will never forgive you.


47 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 10 – Week 2 Performance Summary

  1. kassieq

    I am so grateful for that fountain of dance knowledge that is Len for letting us lesser mortals know that the proper home of the salsa is Jamaica, what a twit.

    Random insanity is the thing that keeps me watching, hats off to Nat that jive was inspired.

  2. Ferny

    I love Colin, Lisa & Fern with their partners, and I too thought that lumberjack jive was absolutely brilliant – he looked like he was riding a horse for the first half, then completely lost the plot. I didn’t think it would be Michael making me laugh, but now I have hope.

    Jerry or Johnny will probably go, even though Johnny is a sweetie.

  3. Emmy

    The only way Michael’s jive could have been improved would be if he’d actually danced to I’m a Lumberjack. Natalie is a genius.

  4. Verns

    The jives were brilliant tonight – Denise’s for being what a jive should be, and Michael’s for being what a jive could be, if danced by a drunken lumberjack. Utterly fabulous.

  5. Monaogg

    Michael & Natalie’s Jive was amazingly jaw dropping. Michael is like one of those flip books where you can swap top & bottom. How he got his feet moving to a different song to the top half with neither matching Natalie I shall never know. 😯

    Nicky needs to be put out of his misery and Flavia needs to find a non dead fish smelling hairspray.

  6. Dancing Cake

    Monkseal, thanks for getting the summary up so quickly while we/re still in show mode!

    God, that “jive” is just going to keep on giving, isn’t it? I’ve already watched it three times and pmsl each time at different things each time – “things” being the only possible word to describe whatever Michael was doing.

    Len is such a grumpy old hypocrite sometimes – told off Fern last week for too much wafting her skirt (fair enough, it is sort of smoke-and-mirroring) then practically applauds her for doing the same thing this week.

  7. Left Feet

    Michaels Jive was so bad I think that he nearly kicked Natalie in the ass. No wonder his kids are supporting other people. He’ll be back cause it was entertaining in a so bad its good kind of way. He is worse then Tuffers and has no potential whatsoever.
    Nice to see Len (not) back to his grumpy self with Kimberley, The other judges had pointed out her faults but Len still had to be a knob with his destructive comments. For the ballroom judge his comments really do at times lack in helpful comments to the contestents.

    1. monkseal Post author

      What I love about Michael is his utter lack of self-consciousness in being shit. Compare this to someone like, say, Nicky, who is marginally better, but a pain in the arse to watch because you can tell he so wants to be naturally gifted.

  8. Stormy

    Maybe Michael will grow on me like Gavin, but if he ends up being the Widdy or Russell Grant of this year, I’m going to…well…sit in my chair and harumph bitterly.

  9. Doktorb

    Michael’s jive has broken me. I can’t watch it without my eyes filling with tears and my stomach aching. I know that Erin’s evil genius was on full flow this week but good heavens Natalie, how far down the whisky bottle did she go for that to come into her head?

  10. Jenny

    As soon as I saw what Erin was wearing, a panic hit me that the outfit was so awful she must be leaving this week.

    I suspect that if I was ever on the show (haha) I would do a jive as horrifically mis-timed as Michael’s.

    Still loving Sid, still getting surprisingly emotional for Lisa, liking Denise more now she has taken to self-harming in order to neutralise the Ringer status (and I’m a sucker for polka dots).

    Nicky is boring, Jonny is lovely but I could live without him.

    1. monkseal Post author

      I hope this series is a never ending parade of hideous Erin outfits, each worse than the last. Although she still looked better than Richard.

  11. Kylie Wilson

    I was wondering if Michael’s dance was meant to be a comedy routine, well they certainly succeeded because I was wetting myself by the end of it 😀

    He better not disappoint next week in the LULZ stakes!

  12. katy

    I had tears in my eyes from the very second Nicky put the hood up on his pleather jacket hoodie (!) (which, judging by the label is available in Matalan…)
    It was just a horrible thing to watch from start to finish!
    And I think I counted 1 salsa step.

    I’m not warming to his partner (I can’t even remember her name, and it was written down for me)

  13. pamminxy

    What a journey for Micheal so far !! and it is only week 2 lol (and some people thought I was nuts coff coff :-p) And not one single “some dances just don’t suit” lol. Natalie’s hysterical laughter was brilliant and humanised her ❤ ❤ ❤ (but I always have been a fan). Denise's Jive was masterful but left me dead, unlike Scott's and Austin's. I can remember nothing about it apart from awful red outfit, polished, professional and meh

    I thought Lisa and Robin pulled the VW off better than expected, given that her size and shape were always going to present such difficulties in close hold and looking elegant. They took note of Saint Ian's comments about her position but I want to know Len's super secret tips for them! damn you Len.
    Enough already with the continuous skirt wafting Fern, it really spoiled the dance last night. Is she slipping Artem tranquillisers? Does Kara not care or does she like fluffy Artem? Are they still together? enquiring minds want to know/idly wonder.

    War Drobe pulled out some stunnahs last night and at least made an effort to dress Lisa well (I was dreading what they would produce after last weeks charity shop find, more effort and success next week please, ). Then again they also made some real omfg what on earth is that too's. Did they mix up their spite for Toss and D Den van Ringah this week? They should have been able to make Den's outfit in their sleep rather than making it look like they actually did make it while asleep.
    I do miss batty Hilary on ITT tho, she at least has the panache to carry weird clothes off, whereas seeing the (coff coff) designer just makes Toss's dresses understandable.

    Is it me or was Brucie alive, with it and dare I say actually funny for most of the show last night? B12 injections? a nap? whatever it was, keep it up man ! (but he is still way overpaid)

    Can't wait for the full recap (bonus points if you can slip in chowdare/chowder)

    1. monkseal Post author

      I’m sure they’ll find time for Hillary later on in this run, when there are fewer than 50 or so contestants to interview every week. It’s all very rushed at the moment (although of course, there’s always time for meekats).

  14. catherinehirst

    Denise’s dance made me happy, I fancy Sid Owen (WTF, self? But I do!), and as a woman of bigger-than-skinny girth myself, it’s a joy to watch Lisa be actually really good at this. GO ON, GIRL.

    1. monkseal Post author

      I did really enjoy Denise’s jive, even if it was performed under the cloud of…mild whiplash (DUN DUN DURRRRRRRRRRRN).

  15. Alli

    My thoughts were why have Denise and Richard got “Something About Mary” sperm styles? Natalie and Michael should be made to perform that routine at the start of every show for an extra 10 points, thereby keeping him in til the end, he couldn’t even swing the axe in time with the music, never mind dance. It was up there with the Sargeant paso for utter genius.
    Kimberley forgot just as much of her routine as Victoria did but it was easier to hide as Pasha hefted her from one spot to another. Len was an eejit though for ranting and why did none of the judges mention how skippy Louis was?

    1. monkseal Post author

      That was way better than the Sarge paso. All that really had was him dragging Kristina along the floor like a sack of spuds. Michael’s jive had EVERYTHING.

  16. Carl

    I liked Michael and Natalie for being on their own show and having such a good time, and I liked Dani and Lisa…I’m not really connecting to anyone and I’m not sure the show knows what they want from people. The panel has a very odd flow now because Darcy makes technical comments, many of which I agree with, but her presentation is jagged and breaks up the momentum. Then you have Len going for the throat with random female celebrities, some of whom (Kimberley) seem too unsteady to cope as it is.

    The way they speak to Richard and Dani is degrading. Poor Richard tried to meet the acceptable level of gay and then had the judges awkwardly attempt to be kind in response. Then Richard tried to make “camp” faces and respond in “camp” ways. He was probably never going to Considering how much the show is trying to appeal to a young demo this series (with Bruce mentioning it yet again), is there some huge youth following for John Inman (RIP) that I don’t know about? After Dani goes through a routine which was full of complicated content, all the judges can say is, “You’re so short, I want to pinch your cheeks. What a midget you are.” I don’t know who those people were in the audience who kept groaning at this last part but I thank them.

    There seems to be a lot of fan hate for Jerry Hall which I don’t entirely share, but I don’t see this amazing style she brings to the show or why people should be enthralled that she has a Texas accent or because she used to date someone who made interesting music 40 years ago.

    I actually have grown to really like Nicky. I’m not blaming all of his problems on Karen, because he clearly can’t dance, but her doing that cha cha where he had to stand with his hoodie and then stagger around was humiliating. It reminded me of some sort of hip hop routine Mia Michaels would shoot death rays at from the judging table.

    Pairing Colin with Kristina was one of the most bizarre moves I can remember from the show, and I wonder if this was done solely because they thought she was the closest to a Bond girl. Apparently they’ve decided to just tell him they want to have sex with him every week as some type of compensation.

    1. Carl

      The best part of the show for me were the bitchfaces from Kristina and Erin…there were some primo bitchfaces from Erin while the credits were rolling.

    2. monkseal Post author

      The way they deal with Richard is so so bizarre. I get the “she’s short!” thing with Dani, because otherwise her storyline would be “stage school brat RINGAH”, and everyone needs a story line but Richard? No. If it was “you need to unleash your camp!” then…fine I guess, in that it’s what I’ve come to expect from this show and its stereotyping. “If it’s “STOP BEING SO CAMP!” then again…the same. But they seem to have two judges doing one, and the other two doing the other, until he doesn’t know which way is up. I’m starting to think Anton & Erin are actually, finally, after 200 years, being axed next year and this is their cool down year, because she’s got a Catch 22 and he’s got a woman who isn’t even remotely interested.

      1. Carl

        I think I would be less annoyed if I hadn’t seen the ITT interview where Zoe gave Dani and Vincent Smurf hats. I just can’t deal with that.

        I get the idea that they wanted to recreate Russell Grant so they went for a gay man they expected to be camp. This was natural for Russell, and the reason people liked him at first was down to his trying to learn to dance and having fun chemistry with Flavia. Richard is more like Rory Bremmer than Russell Grant, and most likely he will be gone around the same time as Rory, but thanks to the constant awkwardness I think he would have been gone first (without the danceoff). I at least grew to like Rory and his partnership with Erin in the few weeks he was around. Now I just avert my eyes.

        You’re probably right about Anton and Erin. I guess if they wanted people to be OK with Erin leaving this isn’t the worst way to go about it.

      2. Carl

        I don’t know how I missed that they call themselves that. I watched everything, really. Now I can be outraged over something else.

  17. nancy1975

    Bless Michael and Natalie for being the only ones with an actual chemistry I can see as well as Lisa/Robin. Bloody fantastic, I am so loving them and only week2. It’s already like they’ve decided the show is rubbish anyways, so let’s go hellbent on creating works of staggering awfulness but in a postmodern ironic sense if that makes any sense. No it doesn’t. But I can’t express how much I am in awe and LOLZ over this new pisstaking Natalie. Can’t wait for his cha. Poor Nicky…up against the very self aware Michael Vaughan..he’ll always lose. And he’s got Hauer choreoing routines that they think are good probably.

      1. nancy1975

        Nah, but am at a loss at how to describe it. I’m very sure you will do so though. That’s it though, this series will go down from here on in. Unless Nat is now on a roll. I hope.

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