The Apprentice 8 – Episode 11 Summary

So, five people left then. It’s time for The Final Task. And sadly it is still, resolutely, not in forrin. Unless Margaret has insisted that all her interviews take place on her private beach in Hawaii, as she relaxes in her hammock and sups mango juice out of a coconut shell, I’m thinking this is it for our hopes of seeing the candidates speak any lanugage other than garbled English.

First things first though, we need to find a friend for Ricky Martin, as he’s looking awfully lonely over in the wreckage of Sterling, soot on his face and brushing bits of Gabrielle off his suit. Lordalan selects Tom for the job, because God knows, if there’s anyone on this show with natural warmth and a welcoming demeanour it’s Tom. The task? Design a luxury range of products and the shop in which they are to be sold, and then pitch it to a group of “industry experts”. Whoever Lordalan likes best, wins.

Sadly, unlike last year’s restaurant-off, the task resolves down to an old dependable Apprentice favourite. Considered but boring vs exciting but impractical. Weighing in on the side of the former are Sterling, who have selected “male grooming products” as their product line, and provide nothing really very interesting all episode apart from the opportunity to make gay jokes, paedo jokes, and gay paedo jokes. And you know me, that’s definitely not enough alone to hold my attention. Their packagaing is cheap, their pitch is uninspired, and their shop space is spartan, but they’ve clearly done their research, have the subject-matter down pat and can at least fake a workable sounding business out of it, via logic and reasoning.

Phoenix’s logic and reasoning on the other hand goes something like :

Nick : CHOCLIT!
Adam : JELLEH!
Jade : BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZZZZZZZZZZE!

They construct some sort of utopian sweet-shop where you also get wasted, which is honest to God the most enticing business prospect I’ve ever seen on this show, ever. Even more so than Ruth Badger Cruises. Sadly though, like all utopias, it is built on lies, dodgy figures, and probably some dead Sri Lankan babies propping the whole thing up. This becomes apparent within about 5 seconds of their pitch, which consists of – Adam reading off his own hand ; Jade being competent and charismatic until she’s asked a single question, at which point she FLAIL-QUITS ; and Nick for the first time utterly failing at figures and planning.

So, just like all perfect things, Phoenix Sweets cannot exist, and so they lose. *sniff* Ricky Martin and Tom don’t get a treat, except smugness, which they seize eagerly with both hands.

The Final Boardroom goes down pretty much as you’d expect, with one key exception. Adam calls in all his “sexism”, “one trick pony”, and “out of his depth” chips and is transparently cruising for a firing. Jade yells at full volume about her passion and finally gets to bury Adam totally, just as she’s been itching to do all series. It’s, somewhat oddly, left up to Nick to provide the Boardroom’s Wild Card, as he suddenly and randomly decides to troll the whole thing, transparently as strategy, and say that Jade should get fired. He does this via a series of bold-faced lies that culminate in him saying that he won the last task single-handedly and in fact Jade didn’t do a thing. And also did he mention that everyone hates Jade and she is incapable of forming relationships with other human beings?

Afterwards he openly laughs to Jade back at the Apprentice Hacienda about what a massive troll he was. Jade seems…less amused.

(Oh yeah, Adam was fired, duh).

(Sidebar : I am away shortly for a wedding, which may somewhat delay my final recaps. As such, let’s get this out of the way now)

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19 thoughts on “The Apprentice 8 – Episode 11 Summary

  1. Pops

    I actually liked Kaen this week for pointing out Adam’s ‘Run along darling and make me some chocolates’ attitude. Jade should have suggested sushi flavoured jellies, because that would have completely blown his mind.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I loved generally that this week Kaen went All In for Jade and was in no way subtle about it, at any point. WIMMIN IN BIZNIZZ.

      (This of course will all be moot when Jade has to compete against the guy Kaen fancies, where she will be ruthlessly discarded)

      Reply
  2. tabithakitten

    Hmm… I think we may have seen where the “Nick and Jade did not get on at all” comment of a couple of weeks ago came from. Seriously Nick, did you really think supporting Adam (of all people) and trashing Jade was going to work as a “strat – a – geh”? Go back to the Apprenticehacienda and write out “I am an idiot” 500 times followed by “I shall never again fail to pay due respect and idolatry to the Holy Margins” 1000 times.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      It was just so odd. It might be that whole “self-awareness” thing he seemed to be suffering from earlier in the series, but he did the whole thing with the air of a man who couldn’t quite believe what he was doing, wasn’t putting much effort into it, and just thought it was a bit of a laugh to try. That great big grin he gave at the house at the end when he mentioned it just summed it up for me.

      Reply
  3. constantmotion

    Hurrah! Interesting final four. No idea who’s going to win it, can’t see Lord Sugar liking Tom and Nick as much as Jade and Ricky. There’s a sort of cathode ray tube thing going on – the closer you get to it, the harder it is to actually discern a picture. I’m sort of defaulting to an increasingly fuzzy “it’s probably Nick,” but really hoping it’s Ricky Martin.

    Also, can people now finally stop saying that Lord Sugar keeps people in because they’ll be funny in interviews? He fired Adam just short. And Natasha. And Syed. Liz Locke’s the closest that argument’s ever come to holding water, but Stuart was saying pretty much exactly what Lord Sugar likes to hear. I’m sure that right there, in that boardroom, Alan sincerely wanted that field of ponies; it’s not a conspiracy, he’s just got time for a rough diamond.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I have to admit, looking back in retrospect, the nature of the Winner’s Job in Series 6 means that I can’t see Stubaggs as ever being considered as a propsect to win, even remotely. Whether he was being kept in because Lordalan admired his spirit and wanted to see it rewarded with a respectable placing over Liz’s more drab shiftiness or if it was just for comedy, it was only done with a view to firing him next week regardless.

      Reply
    1. Paw

      I guarantee he will say it to every interviewer. Especially Claude, who has been looking forward to their meeting for a while.

      Reply
  4. Neio

    My favourites moment from the episode: Tom trying to paint the mock-up shop. Either that, or Nick breakfasting alone in his pod in the garden.

    And did Nirrk really say Tom and Ricky had been “drilling each other for an hour and a half” before they pitched? I thought Ricky’s bromance was with Adam? So fickle.

    Reply
    1. FuTeffla

      I genuinely shouted ‘Well, I hope they still respect each other in the morning’ at Nirrck’s line.

      Reply
    2. monkseal Post author

      It’s so hard to keep track with the men this series. So profligate with their affections.

      Reply
  5. scatter

    I was very disappointed that once Jade wanted “BOOOOOOZZZZZZZE” they didn’t go back to Adam’s Chocolate Bar idea which would have made much more sense then “Welcome to sweet things affordable, luxury confectionary. Would you like a coctail? (to compliment the chocolate but not complementary as in free … der)

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I was thinking that “The Chocolate Bar” would have made more sense than “Sweet Thing” but then “Sweet Thing” as a name made me itch a little anyway.

      Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      It mostly seemed to be a process of her and Adam ringing each other up every 5 minutes, in the middle of meetings, annoying the shit out of one another. She did make the chocolates though. With help obv.

      Reply

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