This week on The Apprentice it’s time for the…erm…time for…erm…well actually, they did have a task planned for this week, honest, but Kaen ate it, so instead they’ve retrofitted this week’s reward (which involved sampling English Sparkling Wines) into a task. This sort of thing will happen in these troubled times, nobody panic. The teams have to “raise awareness” of said English Sparkling Wines and make a website and do a promotional video and erm…stuff. You can tell it’s a last minute add-on task because the show’s forgotten to pretend the Internet doesn’t exist. Winners will be whoever a team of Wine Experts (sime winos the show rounded up round the back of Oddbins and poured into suits) decide is the best.
First order of business is for the battered remains of Phoenix to all decide between them who they like bestest from Sterling. They decide they like Nick bestest, so he gets to join them for the week. This leaves Phoenix with experts on wine (Tom), websites (Nick), marketing (Jade) and..erm…it’ll come to me (Adam). In response, Sterling just say “we’re the underdogs, we’re the underdogs, we’re the underdogs” over and over again, not realising that mostly they’re the underdogs because they suck. You know. Comparatively. I’m sure they’re all amazing people.
Anyway, Project Manager Tom does his best to balance things out by spending the entire task pished. It’s like when Michelle went to that VIP Lounge in Top Shop spread out over whole two days. This also has the knock-on effect of leaving Adam loose without any direction, meaning he bashes into the furniture, calls himself the “choreographer” and generally gets in the way of Jade and Nick, who are left to do most of the task on their own. Somehow they manage to pull out a professional, if slightly dull campaign, which apparently ignores the brief of “raising awareness” somehow, like that phrase means anything.
Meanwhile Project Manager Ricky Martin just replicates the last time he was Project Manager like he’s Groundhog Day. Not overseeing the promotional video; sailing directly into an opposing Project Manager with relevant expertise; constructing a decent pitch beginning with “Hello, my name is Ricky Martin”; putting Gabrielle on the branding aspect of the task, where she shines. And just like last time he behaved like this, his team loses, because his video is crap. And just like last time, the person most responsible for the team’s awful video is fired instead (Jenna).
Undisputed Champion Showings of this episode go to Sterling’s promotional video, which is probably the worst advert/promo video produced on this show ever(?), and also to the “reward”, which is Nick, Tom, Jade and Adam all getting semi-nude in a hot tub whilst necking more booze and cackling openly at how much Sterling SUCK. You’d think this hubris would pressage a humiliating loss next week but…did I mention that, in the wake of Jenna’s firing (“with regret”), Stephen makes an insane gambit of a promise to win next week as Sterling Project Manager or die trying? Can’t wait to see that. I think he might actually lose a kidney.