The Apprentice 8 – Episode 8 Summary

This week sees the return of an old established Apprentice mainstay. That’s right, Jenny Celery makes her triumphant return, riding in on a golden carriage drawn by slavvering whip-driven hyenas to pursue the candidates through London’s back-alleys in an Apprentice twist on The Running M…oh wait, that’s NOT what they meant by Pure Evil? My bad. Instead it’s the return of the always amazing Art Gallery Task.

(Yes, yes, alright, it’s not the Shopping Channel Task, but if we respond positively than maybe, just maybe, we will live to see a candidate wank off a trampoline again. Whilst wearing a Wolf Spirit jacket.)

This year our genre (or “medium” if you will) of art being sold is graffiti art. Yet another chance to watch this brand of Hip Young Contestants try to out-hipster one another. Gabrielle starts revving her engines early as Sterling PM by talking about the time she met an artist once, possibly Rolf Harris, but she left in the dust by a ZOOMING Tom as Phoenix PM who spends most of the day saying things like “I don’t know if you know this, but there’s this guy called Banksy”, “you’re probably not aware of this, but graffitti goes on WALLS”, and “paint does a slipshy sploshy and makes a pretty, oh my God guys you are just going to SHIT YOUR BRAINS with the way I’m broadening your horizons”. Not just to his team, but to the actual artists they want to represent. Which goes down about as well as you’d expect. This alienates one artist in particular, called Pure Evil. And just think how much of a try-hard you’d have to come off as to do THAT. Also happening on his team are Jade going back to being “creative & competent” in the background like last week never happened, and Adam selling tons even though they don’t have art in THA NORF, except maybe a picture of some nice flowers or some flying ducks.

But what of Gabrielle’s first step in her quest to Project Manager, once, twice, or EVEN MORE TIMES in this process, getting BETTER EVERY SINGLE TIME? (*FLIBBLE*) It’s…alright? Her team at least seem to have some idea of what they’re supposed to be doing this time. Unfortunately for her, Stephen flings himself at the task in self-destruct mode, pissing off potential corporate clients, spooling out nonsense ideas every 5 seconds, and completely failing to sell anything. And Gabrielle herself still has hazy ideas about this whole “money” thing. Fortunately for her, her charm (at least comparative to Tom’s) lands her team Pure Evil, which pushes Tom into backing a completely unworkable artist who produces work the size of the Bayeaux Tapestry. And we all know hipsters all live in pokey little studio flats with riverside views and no indoor plumbing how ROMANTIC, so that’s his profits up the spout. As a result of all this, Sterling win again, and get to go have a paint-spattered orgy where Gabrielle screams “PAINT ME NICK! PAINT ME HARD!” and someone scrawls a giant spunking cock on the wall.

That anybody other than a current member of Sterling could win saddens me. They are the greatest of all things.

The Phoenix boardroom consists of everyone petting Adam like a dog that just learnt to walk on its hind legs, leaving a final boardroom of Jade and Tom. Oh and Laura, who for some reason this task decided to play the part of an Under The Radar Week 1 candidate, which might have worked then, but doesn’t really work on a sub-team of 2. The whole “standing there with a frown on your face” thing she brings to every task isn’t really enough this week, and she’s fired, ostensibly for lack of sales, but mostly really because the show has struggled to find a point to her beyond being a bit sexy. Ah well. There are worse edits.


36 thoughts on “The Apprentice 8 – Episode 8 Summary

  1. Tim

    Adam having a good week? Sugar actually firing the right candidate for a change? I’m sorry, did I accidentally switch on to the wrong show?

    Artists are just ‘nutcases’, are they, Steve? You just go back to offering wine to gin people and generally being useless. I’m now beginning to think he’s only still in the process to make Adam look good.

    And, come on, has anyone ever been in one of those tunnels or under the bridges at Waterloo and NOT had to fight off the tramps and the prevailing smell of stale Special Brew and piss? I think not.

  2. Ross

    I felt sorry for Tom. True Gabrielle might have been stuck with Stephen but Nick, Ricky & Jenna clearly have a lot more going for them than the brain trust that is Laura, Jade & Adam (though in fairness Adam did pretty well this week.)

    it was actually remarkable how close the result was – I’m not sure if Gabrielle realises quite what a lucky escape she had thanks to Tom’s lack of enthusiasm and/or Laura’s… lack of everything. Not asking what budget the distillery had was a huge, huge error.

    1. Tim

      In the end, I thought Tom came out of it quite well. Yes, he made a mistake in not being more gushingly sycophantic, but actually I thought it WAS important to establish credibility with an artist in the real world. (Of course, this isn’t the real world.) But he also made a brave decision and stuck by it, and didn’t shy away from his responsibility for it – and did so in the boardroom without resorting to histrionics or back-stabbing. With my business hat on, he’s the sort of person who would make a credible investment (again, in the real world).

      Totally agree with your point about Tom’s team being weak, even though Adam did do well. At least next week he can pull the strings in a task which is dead-centre for him, but without having to lead.

      1. Shrinking Man

        I didn’t think it came across as establishing credibility, though. His entire speech to Pure Evil seemed to consist of “you say that you’ve been to America? Here is a list of 3 artists I know who live in America”. Which, if anything, would actually just expose his ignorance.

      2. monkseal Post author

        He came across like he thought he knew better than the artist. At least to me. Nobody wants that. I get that he was trying to show he knew what he was talking about, but it felt like he was trying to come across as an equal, and he isn’t, at least not in this scenario.

      3. Tim

        To be fair, nobody’s expecting anyone to be an expert – but Tom at least made the effort, which was the right thing to do (even though he did overplay it). Much better than Stephen’s random waffle, which came across as being about sincere as a politician talking about his/her expenses.

      4. Shrinking Man

        Sure, but if the baseline is “better than Stephen”, then *everybody* qualifies. Imagine that rather than artists they were talking to rappers. What Tom did was the equivalent of the following:

        Artist: “I went to America for a while and drew some inspiration from the styles going down on the West coast”.
        Tom : “Will Smith is from America. So is Eminem.”

        What would have been better would have been asking who he drew inspiration from and then talking about what that artist’s work was like, rather than just reeling off a short list of people from America he’d heard of. Or, as both Gabrielle and even Adam managed, simply expressing enthusiasm for the artist’s work.

    2. monkseal Post author

      They just seemed to think that the distillery people were going to turn up, pick a piece they liked and leave again. Like it was a near-guaranteed sale that Lordalan had set up, and all they had to do was pick the right artist for them, job done.

  3. Michelle

    Both Ricky Martin and Stephen are backstabbers. During the tasks they are diligent team players but once in the boardroom they are the first to turn on their team members; even before knowing which team has lost. Some might call it being adept at staying afloat in the corporate world but to me it’s simply a lack of integrity.

    Gabrielle, Nick and Tom are the “true winners”; individuals with whom one goes into a partnership knowing that “they have got your back”. Lord Sugar would be stupid to choose either Ricky or Stephen. These two would be the first to hang him out to dry if their partnership was to fail.

    On another note; Adam is only being kept afloat by his selling abilities. The guy is annoying!!!! Can’t stand when he takes jabs at Tom for being a metrosexual. What’s wrong with being a male foodie or an art lover? By the way, as much as I can’t stand the guy; I think he is sexy in a strange way. Maybe it’s the combination of that voice and his albinistic features. I am planning to fling my knickers at him if I ever see him on the streets.

    1. Jenny

      Stephhen and Ricy Martin are definitely a new Evil Alliance

      Love your Jenny Celery bit! If I could be bothered I would make up an artwork of that and try and flog it to Peugeot

    2. Carl

      He has a certain brooding but boyish quality – it’s the type which Eastenders is forever churning out. I think of him as some combo of Max from the Voice, Matt D’Angelo, and at odd angles, Will Young.

    3. monkseal Post author

      Just like Kaen. Deep down, every woman loves a bastard. Something, something, Sylvia Plath something.

  4. min

    Lud Sugar constantly asking Tom if he was in the process for the right reasons gave me Batchelor flashbacks.

    1. monkseal Post author

      I hope he never ever ever ever clearly defines what those “right reasons” are as well.

  5. Shrinking Man

    You know, I was going to make another comment about trying to decide whether I found Gabrielle or Jade the sexiest, but I realised that those are the only types of comments I’ve been leaving this series. Which either says something about how interesting this series if I can’t find anything else to talk about is or is an early signal of my impending mid-life crisis.

    So instead I’ll comment about how these tasks always make me feel like I should give being an artist a go, despite having the artistic talent of, well, Adam. Especially this week. I’d like to be producing stuff like Copyright does, but if I could get away with doing Andy Warhol screen prints with dribbling goth make up, or just do extremely large tracings of the poster for “The Creature From The Black Lagoon” and make a mint, then why not?

  6. Neio

    I couldn’t believe how badly Sterling messed up with the corporate clients, which was largely down to the incredibly annoying Stephen. Did he even mention to PM Gabrielle that they’d arrived at the gallery space? And Gabrielle’s “La-la-la, budget? What’s that?” approach at the distillery didn’t help either.

    Adam sold surprisingly well, though I wasn’t too surprised to observe that his favorite artist was the one who featured boobs in his artwork.

    Those massive monster paintings were awful. At least those very Banksy-esque SPQR ones looked sellable.

    Will the Incidental Character Boyfriend this week be Jean-Pierre the Renault executive, I’m wondering?

    1. Shrinking Man

      That was the thing that got me, Jade criticised the SPQR paintings for being “controversial”? They’re attempting to sell them as art at a show which is dedicated to street art. Isn’t controversial a plus? The kind of person who will buy that type of art will like a bit of edginess.

      I actually thought SPQR’s stuff was more saleable than Pure Evil’s. That’s the first thing I thought upon seeing it. Probably more saleable than Copyright’s, too, given that Copyright’s looked kind of like it had been spraypainted on the side of a stoner’s van in the 70s. And wasn’t SPQR the guy who said that he’d exhibited 75 pieces and sold them all in one evening?

      Absolute madness, going for the guy who ripped off old horror film posters badly.

  7. FuTeffla

    Tom is clearly an alumnus of the Chris Bates School For Men With Pretty Eyes and Scowly Faces. I’m surprised he didn’t manage to sell one of those massive paintings by staring very hard and someone and monotoning until they fell under his thrall.

    I am actually now disliking Stephen more than I dislike Adam. I did not think this was a thing that was possible.

    1. Tim

      Stephen’s one of those people who thinks he’s brilliantly creative when in fact all he does is come up with consistently crap ideas. I bet he thinks he’s brilliant just because he’s been on the winning side 6 out of 8 times too, whereas yet again this week the team won in spite of him rather than because of him. It was a shame he couldn’t have named himself Banksy and done his selling anonymously out the back.

      1. FuTeffla

        You’ve put your finger on the thing that I hate most about him – he is a one-man Dunning-Kruger effect.

      2. Tim

        Ooh, it has a proper name! I’ve always just referred to it as “being a [insert expletive of your choice here]” .. 🙂

      1. monkseal Post author

        OK, it is too late for me to reply to all the comments, and I promise to get to them all, but all this comparison of Tom to my baby Chris Bates HAS TUH GO.

    2. monkseal Post author

      I can’t wait until Tom has to give a pitch. Then we’ll see if he’s truly worthy of the Chris Bates comparisons.

    1. Allgrownup

      I feel it should be the obligatory response in Phone Answering Wars every week! Poor Whoever It Is.

      1. monkseal Post author

        I kind of loved her. Of all the awful people in that series, she just seemed like a common-or-garden over-confident Apprentice contestant rather than an actual sociopath.

  8. Ferny

    I love how Pure Evil worked it’s way into so many boring sentences and made them sinister in a Dr Evil kind of way.

    I’m worried about liking Adam this episode, although he’s not actually an offensive seller which makes a change for the Apprentice. *remembers Saira*

    I see Tom in much the same way I see Philip Philips on American Idol – boringly marching to a win with a similar performance every week. So his areas of expertise are fine wine and urban art? Strange boy.


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