It’s time for this series’ Official Foreign Task In Foreign. Sadly, instead of France, or Germany, or Morocco, International Waters, the destination is…Scotland. The bar for International Hilarity is set low and even then barely cleared, via some dodgy kilts and Jenna wondering if they have their own language up there. Says the woman who has communicated thus far via a system of goose-honks. It’s hardly “do the French love their children?” or “Moroccans are a bunch of dirty cheating foreigners so I was just trying to fit in LORDALAN”.
The task? Sell “street food” to the good people of Edinburgh. So basically “operate a burger van” then, and as such, Lordalan chooses the two candidates most suited for the task : Adam and Jenna. Not that there’s much need to, because the only other person who hasn’t been PM yet is Jade and like she’s stepping up any time soon. She lives in the shadows and loves it. Lordalan gussies up the task a little by telling the teams to “go gourmet” and produce good quality food that’s almost of restaurant standard (like that would even be possible) but like anybody’s listening to that.
The teams approaches boil down to the usual “middle-market” vs “bin scrapings” with Jenna & Sterling aiming for the former with a Aberdeen Angus stew and Adam & Phoenix setting their sights firmly on the latter with “bits of pasta and a meatball made of pigs foreskins”, despite Tom pulling appalled faces in the background the entire time like ITV casting had decided against Maggie Smith at the last minute for the role of The Dowager Countess Violet in favour of Adam Woodyatt. Still at least he’s doing something interesting for once. Meanwhile elsewhere on Phoenix, Stephen, Katie and Azhar create an amazing catastrofuck of a sub-team, directing the entire team in completely the wrong direction off the back of spurious research, suggesting a price-point that’s about 300% too high for what they’re selling, dressing as a pizza to sell meatballs, spending the whole day climbing on and off and on and off and on and off buses, and randomly chasing a squirrel about.
Meanwhile the entire storyline on Sterling is “will Jenna sell out of her gourmet stew and win?” and despite repeated boring shots of Kaen looking frowny and Helpful Voiceover Man yelling “ON STERLING, SALES ARE SLOW” she does and she does. That and “Ricky Martin – Wrestling Biochemist” is really good at maths. He’s like an onion that man. So many layers. So many beautiful layers. Sterling go off to ride Segways at a country house, and Nick makes up for an episode of inaction by almost catapulting his directly into Laura’s face (<3).
The Boardroom for Phoenix is taken over entirely by a raondly aggro and hyper Stephen, who is fully aware at all times that his subteam tanked the task single-handedly and is desperately trying to throw the blame elsewhere. It works seemelessly (except for those of us watching on tv with the benefit of perspective and also functioning brains), with Adam sucker-punched into taking Katie and Azhar back into the Boardroom without really even knowing why. Once in there, it's "did too much" vs "did too little" vs "is Adam" and in the end, Katie being blonde and perky and likable isn't enough to disguise the fact that…she's not done very well at this game-show apart from when she invented the tap-cosy, and she is summarily dismissed.
Sidenote : the most exciting part of this episode for me? EVERYONE HAD SEXY NEW HAIRCUTS!
Yeah, it's a slow series…