Kasha In Katford

LIVE!

  • My boyfriend got me tickets for our anniversary. Or possibly for Valentine’s Day. Or maybe well in advance of my birthday. Or belatedly for Christmas. Either way, ❀
  • Kasha were dancing in Catford, in a theatre that the rest of the time seems devoted entirely to those fun plays that are advertised mostly with pictures of black women looking ANGRY. I was not aware of these before I came to London, but they are many
  • Homophobes on public transport need to be updating their references, I’m sorry, but “George Michael” will no longer be tolerated. I am an “Alan Carr”, or at the very least a “Mika”.
  • Turns out I find sitting on the front row for a play much easier than sitting on the front row when people are dancing and eye-fucking you. Either that or Katya is just That. Overwhelming
  • The greatest Katya Moment was probably the following : “oh darling, I don’t think you’re allowed to take flash photography. It was right in my eyes and nearly blinded me. You’re lucky I’m sat down and not in the middle of a lift otherwise I could have broken my neck”. All delivered looking down at her nails like she was about to ice a bitch ❀
  • Also enjoyable was : her talking about Russian dancers taking overdoses because they were told they couldn’t dance; her saying “piss”; her calling Pasha old; her telling Pasha that he can’t speak English very well; her cussing out Dan Lobb for being shit; her still holding a grudge over Len eliminating Phil Tuffnall three years later; her rolling her eyes at Pasha saying his inspiration was Baryshnikov; her saying that her mother was her inspiration; her making a joke about how she gives great handjobs (<3); her saying that Jason told her backstage on the Live Tour that he would rather have danced with Katya, NOT REALLY, I LOVE KRISTINA AND SHE IS ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS, I LOVE YOU KRISTINA; her answering a question about the difference between a good dancer and a great dancer FULLY AWARE AND IN AGREEMENT with the fact that she was a great dancer (Confident Women <3).
  • Pasha has got FOREARMS
  • And dick jokes
  • Just sayin’
  • (Also a girlfriend ffs)
  • The compere was super-cheesy, but it kind of…worked? More so than that Strictly Live Tour Warm Up Man who still haunts my nightmares. He reminded me of what would have happened if Chris Hollins persueed a career as a Redcoat rather than…whatever it is that Chris Hollins does now. Is it still Watchdog?
  • The script is as such that it is clear that if there are any men in the audience, it is entirely by accident or because a lady needed a chaperone
  • There is no more awkward moment for a men in their 20s than watching an early teens all-female dance troupe, trying to look encouraging and interested but also NOT IN A PAEDO WAY.
  • At some point the audience was asked who the new Strictly Judge should be, and everyone groaned “KARENHARDY!” like a Zombie Apocalypse. Alesha got booed, but not in any serious way, such that is was kind of funny.
  • There was another couple dancing to cover costumes changes, called Ryan and Lindsey, who apparently had been on Got To Dance. They were very good (one lift they did in the paso doble was RIDICULOUS) but also never spoke, so they kind of came across like Pasha & Katya’s gimps.
  • Their sexy gimps
  • There was a question and answer session halfway through, my personal highlight of which was an adorable old man from Newcastle called Barry telling Pasha that he may prefer dancing Latin to Ballroom now, but with age would come wisdom and he would learn to love ballroom more, just like Barry did.
  • This went on for about 5 minutes, and some people started hissing and muttering and laughing at Barry, but he WOULD NOT BE STOPPED and then at the end some of us applauded, possibly because dancers talking about why they love dancing is always nice and kind of funny
  • Then some women asked a question about arm extensions and repeatedly punched her friend in the face. I couldn’t see any of this, but it sounded funny
  • We were told that out favourite routines involving Kasha from Strictly Come Dancing would be reprised, but none of these were the Bisexual Adele Rampage Hour, so I felt lied to, to be honest.
  • The routines were very good though – thematically they mostly revolved around Pasha being a sweetheart and Katya being a giant bitch who toyed with his heart then stomped on it, leaving him left alone on stage pulling woobie faces at the housewives in the front row.
  • This show knows its audience
  • My second favourite part was when they did a giant Gavbot clips package and then came out to talk about Gavbot for no real reason, other than that Gavbot is the greatest reality tv star of the last 5 years and this cannot be denied
  • The climax of the show was a cha-cha competition dance involving volunteer couples from the audience. It was so amazing that I can only take it Couple By Couple, in order of interest
  • Couple #5 volunteered at the last minute and were kind of irrelevant, but I praise them for giving of themselves to fill up the space, which is more than I did, or could do without vomitting all over myself in front of 175-200 people
  • Couple #3 were a couple of sisters who were about 12 who SPRINTED to the stage in a fit of enthusiasm and then got slightly overwhelmed by the volume of steps. Katya told them to watch Couple #4 during the competition and just copy them, because they were clearly lost
  • Couple #4 were an adorable old Polish couple. I don’t want to spoil how the evening ended for them, but mostly it involved Katya saying “well so much for copying!” and then laughing (Katya <3)
  • Couple #1 were a very likable mixed-race couple who Got.It to admirable levels and played up to the crowd exactly the right amount, and who weren’t bad dancers and who would probably have won easily if it weren’t for
  • Couple #2 consisting of an amazing rampaging Traditionally Built West African woman who stormed the stage at a speed of knots, as a bellowing face-pulling hilarious force-of-entertainment-nature. A nice (and actually quite good at dancing) but shy woman who she did not even know was roped in from the other side of the stage to be her partner because she WOULD NOT BE DENIED
  • The cheers for them once the routine was over could frankly turn a person deaf
  • Their prize was a three-way dance with Pasha
  • Pasha did a “Spank Dat Ass” motion. It was epic.
  • I cannot believe this was not televised, and it is your eternal detriment that it wasn’t.
  • I didn’t stay around for programme signing, because I didn’t have enough cash to buy a programme, and also I think Katya could kill me with one eyebrow and I’m not entirely convinced she wouldn’t
  • My next stop would probably be Vincent & Flavia’s Midnight Tango, but only if Barry is there to tell them that they’ll probably grow out of this whole “Argentine Tango” thing one day.
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18 thoughts on “Kasha In Katford

  1. Verns

    Brilliant review, Monkseal. So glad you got a good participative audience in Sarf-East London – it’s what makes the show. Kasha will have made a lot of friends with this tour because they’ve shown off their personalities as much as their great dancing (and Pasha gives great cape, doesn’t he?).

    Reply
  2. JillyBoyd

    Aww, I wish I could go. I missed Midnight Tango too, I think. Ah well. There’s always Top Hat with The Chambers.

    I can’t believe I said that.

    Reply
  3. Carl

    Sounds like you had a great time! I hope the tour’s success makes it more likely Strictly will bring her back and also give her a good partner.

    How long have she and Pasha been a team? Before Strictly?

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I think they were brought together by Strictly. Before that I think Katya danced with Klaus, to whom she’s now engaged. And I’m fairly sure Pasha & Anya were/are still a thing, dance-wise.

      Reply
  4. Carl

    I forgot to ask – did they do the hyper fast jive (to “That Man” or whatever the song was called)? I loved that number.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      They did a jive at the end to…some standard I’ve forgotten. They tried their best, but the stage was NOT suitable for bouncing.

      Reply
  5. Christy

    Thank you so much for the review, sounds like such a fun show! Katya seems like such an amazing badass and whats not to love about Pasha?
    I’m a bit confused though, if they said they where doing all the favourite routines from Strictly, and they don’t do the Sex-trot or the Turbo Jive, but weren’t they like the only routines that Team Kasha did? Besides Saturday Night at the Movies and that weird Latin thing on podiums..

    And I seriously cannot imagine sweet, lovely Pasha making dick jokes..
    That dance competition at the end sounds like an absolute riot, you and your boyfriend should have volunteered! πŸ™‚
    Again, thanks a bunch for the review!

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      They did the Chelsee quickstep and that was more or less it. Unless some of the Party Latin over their 4 combined series has glomped into anonymity in my head, which I can’t imagine is the case, because the both of them usually add a stamp on ohterwise anonymous Party Latin, whether it be via ill-advised handsprings or giant balloons or whatever.

      Reply
  6. FOOF

    Ahh just what I had suspected all along, Katya is a complete fucking class-A bitch. No wonder Strictly got rid, she really does sound like shes all the way up her own arse and the fact that Pasha associates with her kinda puts me off him too. Shame that.
    Glad you had a good time though πŸ™‚

    Reply

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