It’s Week 2, so it’s time for the Product Design task. Except this year’s crop of women are so crap that instead of “something for beach holidays”, or “a fitness product” or “an app for a mobile phone”, the brief is “something that can fit in a house” just say they have a fighting chance of competing with the men.. (SPOILERS : even this is beyond them).
Phoenix, rising out of the ashes of…oh wait, they won last week didn’t they? Anyway, rising out of the ashes out their utter annihilation of Sterling last week, the men are led by Azhar aka “The Killer Whale Of The Sea” (as opposed to the Killer Whale Of The Jungle I guess). I can’t wait for Azhar to have a different stupid pretend nickname that he has that his friends all have that they definitely call him, every week. I bet one is about how big his penis is. THEY ALL CALL HIM “JUMBODICK THE HUMAN HORSE (OF THE GROUND), HONEST!”. Sterling are led by Jane, because she spent all of last week barely containing herself, and why not let her? She bull-dozes over Katie on the way to the post, and as a result Katie spends the rest of the episode assassinating her like a gerbil nibbling at a rhino’s ankles. GIVE IT TIME, IT’LL TOTALLY FALL OVER SOON!
Both teams fall into the usual pattern of a base team containing the PM sending away a team to market-research and then utterly ignoring them. For the men’s team this works for, because Duane’s idea (a composter-bin) for the main team is workable and the other idea (scourer-gloves pushed hardest by Adam) is cock. On the other hand, the women are doomed from the off, as the team’s (more) workable idea is stuck on the sub-team with a very sulky Katie whilst Jane is in love with a “splash-guard” for children’s bathtime mooted by Laura which is DEFINITELY NOT A TOY, IT IS AN ENTERTAINMENT CENTRE. This leads the women to crash and burn horribly, although the fact that their figures have been worked out by Jenna and Gabrielle on the back of a fag packet and that Jane’s initial offer is for a billion units don’t help either. The boys major problem is some weak pitching from Stephen which…yeah…they’ve won again haven’t they?
In the boardroom Jane appears hell-bent on taking back Katie and Maria back to the Final Firing with her, for being on the insubordinate sub-team, but Lordalan hangs a big neon sign over Jenna & Gabrielle’s lack of maths skills, causing Jenna to horribly honk “I’M CRAP AT MATHS, BUT I DIDN’T SEE ANYBODY ELSE OFFERIN’!” over and over again. And so it is that Jane hauls her in over Katie (who is clearly spoiling for a fight/ASSASSINING! throughout), but it’s Maria who gets fired as a typical “Week 2/3 Did Nothing Invisible Candidate” firing. Except because she’s a magenta werewolf with eye-liner done in felt-tip pen it kind of feels like…she shouldn’t be? Anyway, Lordalan teases me with a double firing and then doesn’t do it, which is a real shame because, did I mention? THESE WOMEN SUCK.