The Apprentice 8 – Episode 2 Summary

It’s Week 2, so it’s time for the Product Design task. Except this year’s crop of women are so crap that instead of “something for beach holidays”, or “a fitness product” or “an app for a mobile phone”, the brief is “something that can fit in a house” just say they have a fighting chance of competing with the men.. (SPOILERS : even this is beyond them).

Phoenix, rising out of the ashes of…oh wait, they won last week didn’t they? Anyway, rising out of the ashes out their utter annihilation of Sterling last week, the men are led by Azhar aka “The Killer Whale Of The Sea” (as opposed to the Killer Whale Of The Jungle I guess). I can’t wait for Azhar to have a different stupid pretend nickname that he has that his friends all have that they definitely call him, every week. I bet one is about how big his penis is. THEY ALL CALL HIM “JUMBODICK THE HUMAN HORSE (OF THE GROUND), HONEST!”. Sterling are led by Jane, because she spent all of last week barely containing herself, and why not let her? She bull-dozes over Katie on the way to the post, and as a result Katie spends the rest of the episode assassinating her like a gerbil nibbling at a rhino’s ankles. GIVE IT TIME, IT’LL TOTALLY FALL OVER SOON!

Both teams fall into the usual pattern of a base team containing the PM sending away a team to market-research and then utterly ignoring them. For the men’s team this works for, because Duane’s idea (a composter-bin) for the main team is workable and the other idea (scourer-gloves pushed hardest by Adam) is cock. On the other hand, the women are doomed from the off, as the team’s (more) workable idea is stuck on the sub-team with a very sulky Katie whilst Jane is in love with a “splash-guard” for children’s bathtime mooted by Laura which is DEFINITELY NOT A TOY, IT IS AN ENTERTAINMENT CENTRE. This leads the women to crash and burn horribly, although the fact that their figures have been worked out by Jenna and Gabrielle on the back of a fag packet and that Jane’s initial offer is for a billion units don’t help either. The boys major problem is some weak pitching from Stephen which…yeah…they’ve won again haven’t they?


In the boardroom Jane appears hell-bent on taking back Katie and Maria back to the Final Firing with her, for being on the insubordinate sub-team, but Lordalan hangs a big neon sign over Jenna & Gabrielle’s lack of maths skills, causing Jenna to horribly honk “I’M CRAP AT MATHS, BUT I DIDN’T SEE ANYBODY ELSE OFFERIN’!” over and over again. And so it is that Jane hauls her in over Katie (who is clearly spoiling for a fight/ASSASSINING! throughout), but it’s Maria who gets fired as a typical “Week 2/3 Did Nothing Invisible Candidate” firing. Except because she’s a magenta werewolf with eye-liner done in felt-tip pen it kind of feels like…she shouldn’t be? Anyway, Lordalan teases me with a double firing and then doesn’t do it, which is a real shame because, did I mention? THESE WOMEN SUCK.


17 thoughts on “The Apprentice 8 – Episode 2 Summary

  1. Laurentia

    Apart from the obvious fact that it in itself would have been funny, I think I wanted a double firing mostly to see Katie’s face when ONLY Jane came back. Her ASSASSIN powers don’t work on this one!

    1. monkseal Post author

      It would only be because Katie herself wasn’t in the Boardroom. We all know if she was there an assassining would have gone down.

  2. Verns

    Wow! That was quick – Dara hadn’t even finished pontificating. I’m glad there wasn’t a double firing, though, as it would be unfair to punish just two of that sorry bunch. The assassinator is getting on my nerves in particular (brilliant comment about a gerbil nibbling at a rhino – I LOLled). Meanwhile, on Team Phoenix, Duane is going from strength to strength.

  3. Tim

    I kind of thought Maria looked like Bugs Bunny (with those prominent front teeth) with way too much purple eye-shadow. You know what they say: you snooze, you lose.

    Early days yet, but agree with Verns that Duane looks like he has his head screwed on. I’m also thinking that quiet but artistic Jade is looking like the sleeper contender. She was pretty much the only girl who didn’t get eviscerated in the boardroom.

  4. min

    I was surprised the guys didn’t take the ‘live in a flat, haven’t got a composter so would be ideal for me’ idea from the focus group. He gave them their pitch for free! I suppose they were probably reeling from sneery I’d buy a scourer-man (<3 <3).

    It's been ages since all the females have been so totally awful, hasn't it. I'm looking forward to the redemption arc for whoever is lucky enough to get it. It's got its work cut out.

      1. monkseal Post author

        I feel like it should have happened this week at some point. Maybe she’s stopped caring.

  5. Ross

    Honestly I thought the scourer gloves were a better product especially since neither seemed particularly original. I’ll admit Duane did sell his very well though and Adam wasn’t all that gracious when his idea was rejected.

  6. teacherlady

    I’m so glad you do this because it means I don’t have to watch the initial weeks with the boring no-hopers. Hurrah!

    I’ll totally be watching it when we get down to 8 or so.

    1. monkseal Post author

      At this rate, I’m not sure Top Eight will be late enough to avoid boring no-hopers it has to be said.

  7. Neio

    My favourite moment in the episode had to be Maria in the loser cafe loading her tea with three heaped tablespoons of sugar.

    I’m quite sorry both her and Bilyana have gone – I think they both would have been Apprentice Gold. Instead we’ve got the likes of Michael who I think has barely spoken in the two episodes.

    1. monkseal Post author

      I have hope for the boys, because last year the girls seemed to be the same sort of bland mish-mash and then they rallied late game to reveal the insanity of Scribbles and the…well, the insanity of Helen. The real problem for me is that last year’s bland Early Girls were leavened by the fact that the men were an adorable trainwreck, and this year’s women aren’t. At all.

  8. JillyBoyd

    I knew the girls were on their way to failure from the off. The thing that really clinched it was “We could sell you one million bajillion units…”

    Bless Adam, with his unfaltering belief in his shitty gloves.

    1. monkseal Post author

      It wasn’t quite thr trainwreck I was anticipating, but yeah…Jane wishes she has the charm to pull that sort of thing off.


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