4 of the groups that MADE Groups Night.
Brielle’s Group…and Brielle’s Mother: Brielle Von Hugel being, of course, an official GROUPS NIGHT veteran, having been one of Pia Toscano’s Woo-Woo Girls during her performance of “Grenade” last year. Remember? The one that convinced everyone that she was going to be a STAR, not whatever she ended up being – the girlfriend of a Dancing With The Stars pro. For about a week. Anyway, this time Brielle wasn’t going to allow herself to be upstaged like that, oh no. Well, not by any of her fellow group-members anyway, so much as her own mother. Mrs von Hugel coming across as a particularly nightmare stage-parent, even in an episode that featured Symone Black’s father wandering around proclaiming himself one of the greatest mentors of all time and…I don’t know drugging her to dramatically fall down at all time. Still, it got Brielle’s name back on the map, which is more than can be said for (*googles it*) Alessandra Guerco. The other Woo-Woo Girl.
MIT: MIT consist of Jairon Jackson (*the 126th target of J-Lo’s mission to find herself a new husband this week*), Phillip Phillips (*still hot, even with kidney stones, and now with an excuse for his voice*) and of course, one of the greatest feuds in American Idol history – low self-esteem poster child Heejun Han and Pretentious Cowboy Douchelord Riche “I Am” Law. I can’t even remember what Richie Law did before now, personality wise, (youtube suggests that, whatever it was, it wasn’t wearing his signature cowboy hat) but surely some of his signature…personality must have leaked out at some point. His bigging up of his knowledge of “music theory”, just like past American Idol winners – Paint Salesman, Virginity Quarterback Girl and That Crazy Black Chick. His belief in the Michael Bolton shuffle. His nuclear-strength ability to absolutely shut out everyone around him openly laughing in his face. What a shame we weren’t shown, although we could feel every second of it in Heejun Han’s face as he tried desperately to retreat fully into his hoodie. “Brain stone” indeed. It didn’t even make sense and yet…it did. So much.
The Bettys The name of this group intrigues me. Are they positioning themselves in direct competition with The Veronicas? That question will, for now, remain unanswered, but this group were mainly notable for being led (seemingly) by a girl called the name of Brianna, who had the delightful habit of wandering around to other groups, finding out what they planned to sing, and then saying “ooh, no” in a sort of manner that the rest of us might deploy if invited to go and see a Katherine Heigl movie. Anyway, eventually she settled in to a group of her own, who then fell prey to the biggest obstacle of group night: the argument over when is the appropriate time to go to bed. Some of them wanted to, some of them wanted to stay up, some people went to bed then thought better of it and got back up, though it ended up just being Brianna and one other girl whose name I forget going over the lyrics to ‘Hit ‘Em Up Style (Oops!)’ (best song ever, fact) as we developed the sneaking suspicion that Brianna might not be all that as a singer. Still, considering what she turned down, at least we can assume the lady has taste. Unlike…
These Girls And That Guy Alisha Bernhardt, the proprietor of this ensemble, who displayed an impressive loyalty to her song of choice. Unfortunately, that song was ‘Joy To The World’. (Not the Christmassy one, but the “Jeremiah was a bullfrog…” one, as she frequently had to explain to people.) The need for a mixture of day one and day two people was a constant obstacle to her, as was her general personality, which was loud and obnoxious and strident. At one point, while attempting to recruit people, she insisted on finding out whether they liked cops or not. Because she’s a cop. And she apparently can’t work with people who might have negative feelings about her day job, even though they will all be going their separate ways again in under 24 hours. One of the people she recruited was Amy Brumfield, the girl who lives in a tent, who was rather under the weather. I think that’s the only reason she put up with Alisha’s crap; she was too weak to say no. Anyway, during one extensive argument about the relative merits of ‘Joy To The World’ versus, well, every other song ever written, another group decided that they didn’t want to sing that but they did quite want to steal Amy, so they did. Leaving Alisha pretty much back at square one. Somehow she managed to assemble another group, and they will indeed (I assume) be singing ‘Joy To The World’, but somehow I don’t fancy their chances. Meanwhile, the rest of the contestants are dropping like flies because it appears that anyone who gets within five feet of Typhoid Amy contracts her lurgy. Hooray!