Hey, Remember When Len Said That Thing?

Two years ago it was now. Two years when Len said that Lisa Snowdon was the greatest female dancer to have not won Strictly Come Dancing. After laughing, crying, and picking bits of broken tv screen out of my bleeding knuckles, I did a poll on the matter, and discovered that the answer was in fact “Rachel Stevens”. And then I did the same for the boys and the answer was “Austin Healey”. Now, two and a bit series later, it’s time to ask the question again. Since then, new contenders have come and gone, reaching tantalisingly close but never quite touching those glittery balls (although not enoguh that Ray Fearon and John Barnes aren’t still contenders on the male side). Zoe Ball reminded us all how amazing she was on It Takes Two, Matt and Flavia split up because he never put the bins out, Lisa Snowdon did those BLOODY BRRREAKFAST ADS, Colin Jackson apparently made an utter show of himself on tour scoring about 19 for every dance he did ruining my memories of him forever, Kelly Brook got invited onto Starship Karen, Louisa played a goth in Casualty, Cherlie Lunghi…done a murder in a Lewis or something, Emma Bunton proved an even more inept Dancing On Ice Judge than Ruthie Henshall WHICH IS BLOODY WELL SAYING SOMETHING, and Julian Clary told us all that Gethin’s penis was the size of a tube of Pringles, which definitely has not influenced my vote in any way at all no sir.

Anyway, here they are. The ten men and ten women with the highest recorded competitive scores, and therefore the MOST ROBBED CONTESTANTS IN STRICTLY HISTORY. But who is the best never to have won?


30 thoughts on “Hey, Remember When Len Said That Thing?

  1. JillyBoyd

    Making me choose between Scott, Gethin and Austin is like making me choose my favorite yet-to-be-born child.

    I picked Austin btw. Wasn’t that hard in the end.

    1. monkseal Post author

      Sophie’s Choice would have lasted about 5 minuets with you wouldn’t it? “Erm….girl one” *ROLL CREDITS*

      1. JillyBoyd

        I didn’t even realize how harsh I sounded right there… And Sophie’s Choice might be a smidge harder than picking my favorite Strictly male! Unless my other child was Matt Baker….

  2. Lucy

    You made me choose between Kelly Brook and Zoe Ball? Why? *sobs*

    …I mean, I totally choose Kelly Brook (especially for ITT, since I think Rent-a-pro would probably be the nicest and least fun name she would have called Brenda throughout the series), but it’s still an awful choice. And it was very nice that Brenda considers that his only real American Smooth. I mean, unless you happen to be Lisa Snowdon, of course.

    (And I went with Colin Jackson. *winces* I know, but if Erin did the puppets now, Alesha would hail it as an innovative and inspiring piece of choreography. And Craig would love it -or pretend to love it- simply because Len would despise it. And even with the puppets, he was better than Darren Gough.)

    1. monkseal Post author

      Or Claire King. It’s a shame Brenda hasn’t done more American Smooths. Their personalities gel so well.

      I do wonder what scores Colin would have got for that showdance.

      1. Poppy

        Do you mean if he’d been done up in a bacofoil leotard with little trotter feet dangling down? I’d love to see him try it…

      2. monkseal Post author

        I meant the puppets one, although sure, score Lisa’s whilst you’re at it. I’m sure Colin would have made Bacofoil AMAZING. Ish. Well…er.

  3. Matt C

    I’ve often thought that a ‘they wuz robbed!” mini-series giving a few couples a second chance at the glitterball could be a nice Spring filler sometime. Mind you, still keeping pro pairs together could be a challenge; you could have Austin & Erin, but that means you’d also have to grab one of Anton’s past partners…

    Is Lesley Garrett busy lately?

      1. Matt C

        The one who’d be willing to do it! I have a sneaking suspicion Zoe would jump at the chance for another go, I’m not quite sure about the rest.

  4. Missfrankiecat

    Who on earth is voting for Ricky Whittle when we all know that Austin was robbed and Erin has never been the same since!

  5. Carl

    I went with Denise Lewis because she had such joy when she danced, and I thought she was a born dancer. I’ve seen that very infrequently on any of these shows.

    I was torn between the two Matts, but went with the younger one, since he also seemed like a natural, and if he hadn’t had a complete mental collapse/fallen in love with his partner, then he might have won.

  6. Neio

    I nearly voted for Gethin after that uh, revelation, but no, it had to be Austin, the biggest WUZ ROBBED that ever WUZZ ROBBED.

  7. Pops

    I voted for Louisa Lytton, which might be cheating because during her series I actually wanted her to come second. I think maybe Ramps did have the edge, but she should certainly have beaten Emma Bunton and Matt Bloody Dawson.

  8. Left Feet

    Women side yes probably Zoe or Rach Bot both of whom seem to be better liked now then when they took part. Mens side Austin or Ricky Nipple. All four would have been more “worthy” champions then those that won.
    However I only think that its series 7 where one of the better dancers did not win. Goughie was one of the better dancers as was Tom Chambers.

    1. monkseal Post author

      One of them they threw up Camilla until she finally won. Decent dancer, never connected with the public – went out on an ill-advised Scissor Sisters samba that he was too blocky for.

      1. cleo

        Ohhhh I didn’t remember his name and even after your explanation I still don’t remember him. But I realise the only partners of Camilla’s I do remember are James Martin and Tom Chambers. Camilla was always my least favourite pro.

  9. cleo

    I remember Denise Lewis, but I much preferred Jill who is probably still my favourite ever winner.

    I voted Austin because he really woz robbed, fourth place behind Snowdon. Loved Austin.

    For the girls I voted Rachel because I remember several sublime dances. But I could equally have voted Zoe because of the double whammy of her being undervalued AND the fact she was beaten by bl**dy Darren Gough, the worst ever result in Strictly history IMO. But I chose Rachel because Zoe was admittedly a bit emotionally incontinent and irritating, and I couldn’t accuse Rachel of that…

      1. cleo

        lol, in the era of reality show sob stories and epic meltdowns, I found Rachbot’s self containment quite a relief!

  10. kassieq

    This was hard, ouch, Toss up between Zoe & Louisa, eventually plumped for Zoe because there was no way in hell that the dancing wardrobe should have won and because she was partnered with my fave pro Ian.

    Men, again Austin or Ricky, didn’t particularly care for either of the winners in their years, eventually plumped for Austin because he started out with more of a handicap, being a rugby player/sportsmen and not as cute as Ricky – I am nothing if not fair. ha ha.

  11. SCD_P

    Voted for Zoe but Denise would have been next choice. Rachel Stephen’s lack of emotional engangement makes Holly seem animated and gushing by comparison. Is Zoe’s exposure on ITT helping or hindering her here? I remember rooting for her at the time and wishing she (and the delightful Ian) had gone further. It would have been nice to see Ian win. ITT has a new lease of life with Zoe, I have never been a fan of Claudia (and find Zoe quite fanciable…)

    Hard call between Colin J and Austen H, but for me Colin wins by a head. I always think Miss Whiplash lost strictly for him with that dreadful puppet nightmare.

    1. monkseal Post author

      It’s interesting comparing with the old results. At the moment :

      Rachel Stevens : +5%
      Zoe Ball : -2%
      Denise Lewis : -5%
      Kelly Brook : Same
      Louisa Lytton : Same
      Lisa Snowon : -1%
      Emma Bunton : -2%
      Cherie Lunghi : Same

      Austin Healey : -13%
      Colin Jackson : -16%
      Matt Di Angelo : -5%
      Gethin Jones : -5%
      Matt Dawson : Same
      John Barnes : Same
      Ray Fearon : Same

      Looks to me like the women have stayed mostly the same, with age damaging Denise a bit, Rachbot’s legacy stregthened, and none of the recent females making a huge impact. The men are obviously all pulled down by the second-placers from the past two series being good dancers.


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