Strictly Come Dancing 9 – Week 9 Performance Summary

So the theme this week? We’re right into TWO DANCES, with the most dancers yet! FOURTEEN routines of athletic, exciting d…oh, no, wait one of them is the swimathon. Never mind.

So as to be fair, the show is front-loaded with the worst dancers and closed with the best. In the end I doubt it made much difference, stamina-wise, but it was a nice thought. And so it is we open with Anita, now partnered with Brenda, because Robin has a foot infection, a fact which is exploited for tragically little injury porn, but then it probably only would have plaed in comparison to Artem Variety injury porn anyway. She’s doing a cha-cha, the least energeting of party dances, and so oddly enough the one she’s worst at, because she can’t gurn her way out of it. Brenda gives it a good go on her behalf, because he is a gent, and also it is a dance performed to an 80s classic (Uptown Girl) but even he can’t save it. Nor can Robbie ripping his trousers off and revealing nasty shiny-shine football shorts and nobbly knees save a rather overdone samba. Although maybe it does if you’re in a different demographic to me.

Also in the opening segment is Holly Valance, performing a foxtrot to a Jessie J track that is incredibly bombastic (what? Jessie J? bombastic?! Next you’ll be saying she occasionally just makes noises for no real reason!) and as such leaves the level of performance Holly is capable of producing looking slightly lacking in comparison. She tries, in hold, in a noble sort of way, and it might be enough to keep her out of the bottom 2 again, but also probably not.

Hovering around the whole affair are duelling Charlestons, Alex vs Jason. Alex produces a dance that is in sequence : crap, amazing, and then crap again as she changes hats by picking them up off a coat-rack. I think the middle one may have belonged to Katya. At any rate she is beaten by Jason & Kristina who produce a Charleston that’s genuinely unnerving in its torpid over-acting. Both Jason & Kristina gurn and pull inappropriate faces and at times it fits the hammy boozy nature of the Charleston and at times it’s…just a bit scary.

Right at the end we get Chelsee and Harry, surely on course at this point to be the Final Two (note to fanbases – this means all Harry fans now have to call Chelsee a fake rude slapper, and Chelsee fans, this means you now have to start calling him a smug fake teachers pet. I DON’T CARE IF YOU LIKE THEM, THIS IS LAW). Chelsee does a very vampy trashy Argentine Tango that’s a little bit floppy but not actually as heatless as the judges make out I don’t think, and Harry’s pulls out a quickstep that is AMAZING as long as you don’t look at his face, which is brow-furrowed and looking downwards at all times. Killer ending though.

Swing-my-dick? Swing-a-ma-jig? Swimmathon? Swing-my-thong? Whatever it’s called it’s no more watchable than it was last year, but the upshot is that Harry wins, Chelsee & Alex get a boost leaderboard wise, and Jason & Anita…don’t. Nobody hits anyone or anything so…there’s that.

I’m guessing Anita to go home, with…anyone from Alex down there with her. AND THEN MOVIE WEEK.

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37 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 9 – Week 9 Performance Summary

  1. Verns

    Yay! I agree with almost every word. The word I don’t agree with is ‘Jason’ in your second paragraph. I quite understand that you averted your eyes at that point (didn’t everybody?) but it was actually Robbie who ripped his trousers off in a desperate attempt to make that samba look better than a week 1 performance.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      Salo
      Audtion
      Battle Royale
      Sex Lives Of The Potato Men
      Showgirls (complete with tub and thrashing)
      The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai Across The 8th Dimension
      Herbie Goes Bananas

      Reply
  2. Pops

    Holly’s foxtrot song choice might not have totally worked, but her VT editors aced it with Baby I Don’t Care by Transvision Vamp.

    I also quite like the idea of Aliona choreographing that quickstep thinking: “All in hold, no props, no comedy acting – let’s see you moan about this Len, you grumpy old git.” And while he may have given it a 10, he didn’t actually rave about it – probably because he wanted to fake out the audience a bit, but also maybe he just couldn’t bring himself to compliment her.

    Reply
  3. Jen

    No, no, no.
    FILM week. Films. Not movies. Films.
    Well, surely the music has to be better than the usual pop-strosities! You’d think so.
    Why ARE football shorts made of such naff fabric? Very yucky.

    Reply
  4. Carl

    The fans who feel Harry’s quickstep is inferior to Ricky Nipple’s (which I’m sure it must be – that was one of the only Ricky dances I loved) should take comfort in Harry’s trajectory heading a similar way – seen as overpraised by judges, very divisive partner, seen as soulless, problems with legs (I know Ricky’s were unavoidable). If this keeps up than Harry/Ricky will not stand a chance against Robbie/Chris.

    Reply
      1. Carl

        They both seem to quiver and we’re (royal we) perpetually worried about their mental well-being, so, why not.

        Finally getting to see Harry’s quickstep, I really enjoyed it. The faces were as bad as you say (minus the endearing dorky drum face) but I never thought Harry could move with so much speed or dexterity. It was one of the only times this series that anything seemed natural or light or had a certain spirit of dance. Now I wonder even more what might have been if Aliona had really tried with his jive and other fast dances. Maybe Harry doesn’t like to do “sexy” dances and could be more at ease in a quickstep? Just let him dance quickstep every week then.

      2. monkseal Post author

        Given how this series has gone, it probably would be for the best if everyone just danced quickstep every week. It’s been the best dance of a good half of them.

    1. Matt C

      I think Alex might fit the Chris role better than Robbie, but it’s hard to be certain; they’re definitely both the right sort of dancer for that metaphor to bear out.

      Reply
      1. monkseal Post author

        But neither of them have had their Charleston. I’d argue neither of them have even had their rumba, although I guess Alex has come closer.

  5. Ferny

    Loved the Quickstep, however I want Chelsee to win so THAT QUICKSTEP WAS A PILE OF STINKING S***! etc
    Anyway, I am so tired of Ola pulling out the same desperate routines at this point – I actually laughed my head off when Robbie was doing the old skirt flick but it didn’t work because she only had quarter of a skirt on. It is quite amusing how transparent Ola’s choreo gets when she knows her dancer is crud – will we get a topless headbanging Robbie next week I wonder?

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      No Ferny, Ola’s choreography is amazing, just look into her boobs and all will became clear, her hypnotically swirling booobbbbbbzzzzzzzzzzz….

      Reply
      1. min

        Is that why she moved Robbie’s hand from her right breast so quick? They lose their power if handled incorrectly? Just when they were pointing directly at the camera as well πŸ™‚

  6. Left Feet

    I think Harry is a clear fave now kudos to Aliona for not doing a batshit routine and unlike Jason last week he delivered. I think it will be Chelsee in the last two with him but next week she has to do something show stopping to deliver on her talent, no excuses now. I think Jason is going backwards however he should still probably make the final as everyone else is not really final material.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      She’s got jive, which her fans have been bigging up as her potential break-out dance for a while, so we’ll see. Actually I think they all have potential break-out dances this week : Alex & Robbie in nice safe ballroom, Holly doing paso (emotional breakthrough), Jason doing American Smooth (return to form Showman breakthrough) and Harry doing rumba (which will either be another Bloke Rumba farrago or him officially Breaking Through emotionally).

      Reply
  7. Missfrankiecat

    I would be happy for either Harry or Chelsee to win and they would be a deserving final two. In the end, Pasha tips me into favouring Chelsee! I’m guessing he has that effect on others?!

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I’m so glad that Pasha is the success I hoped he would be. A whole series of me RABIDLY defending the New Jared would not have been nearly as fun for anyone.

      Reply
  8. Missfrankiecat

    PS -it’s come to something when the fact a pro, Aliona, has actually managed to choreograph a decent routine for her celeb for once, gets a round of applause!

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I don’t think her Quickstep for Matt last year was too bad – she just went simpler and added more stuff in hold and it worked. And picked a better song. And had a partner who sweated everywhere less.

      Reply
  9. Ferny

    I only realised when I re-watched it that Robbie had groped Ola mid-dance – now Brendan’s comments in the Tess Pit are clear. I was a bit confused at the time, especially as Ola seemed less than amused πŸ™‚

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I didn’t notice at the time, but I’m not beating myself up for not paying too much attention to Robbie’s “dancing”.

      Reply
  10. Catherine

    Did you notice the Music People played a tiny little clip of “F@ck You” by Cee-lo for Russell’s departure last week? I love them so much!

    Thought Harry was brilliant and Jason was crap. Don’t know why he’s still considered such a contender, because I think he’s getting worse every week. Robbie is the one who deserves to go though, or Anita.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I can’t work out if Jason is the new Scott in terms of tailing off. Although you can’t say he’s stopped trying, like you could with Scott.

      Reply
  11. sevenstories

    My favourite bit of the show was Erin constantly being in the back of the Tessanine shots trying to wrangle that huge lavender monstrosity but just succeeding in drawing attention to it in every single shot. Amazing. I would have loved it even more if Erin wasn’t actually in any dances.

    Second favourite moment was Katya cracking up at Chelsee’s snort… a few seconds after everyone else laughed at it.

    Reply
  12. Neio

    I floved Harry’s Quickstep. I think he’s by far the best dancer this season when he’s given a decent routine to dance. If only the choreography for his Jive had been as good.

    I don’t know if it’s Aliona who chooses the music they dance to, but I definitely approve – it’s good hearing stuff like The Pretenders and Talking Heads on Strictly.

    Reply

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