1. No BARROWMAN : Or, more specifically, if you are a BARROWFAN, and bless you if you are, no brittle and awkward Fern Britton, no stuffy and awkward Vince Cable, and no…well Ronni Ancona’s an impressionist isn’t she? And we all know what they’re like. It took Rory Bremner about a month to start acting normal, let alone the length of a Christmas Special. Yes June Brown was a bit of a laugh, but she was on a planet all of her own, and not enough to counter-act the general edginess of everyone else on the show.
2. A possible trophy for Katya, Ian or Vincent : Yeah, sure Erin and Anton too, but Erin and Anton both already have one (…of sorts). Just feels wrong. Still, Katya’s got the male hunk in Him From Blue, Ian’s got the secret RINGAH in Debra Stevenson (I dunno, she done alright on “Let’s Drag Up For Comic Relief” or something…) (although it should be pointed out, she IS an impressionist, and therefore will reveal new depths of human behavious on the show), and…well, you should never count out an Eastenders actress on the show, as Vincent is partnered with soap-MEGABITCH Janine Butcher. All of them hunting for their first ever trophy. Personally I’m hoping for Ian most of all, but after Rochelle Saturdays and Sophie Rayworth let him down so badly, dare I to dream even for a crappy side-tournament tin-foil trophy for him? I hope so.
3. Potential SUPOLLARDOWNAGE! : Any excuse, any excuse. I mean, I know it’s not very Christmassy, but Anton HAS to choreograph a routine to this. He has to. His sterling work with Nancy this week showed he had the comedy chops to really produce a masterpiece. Su must be dressed as a Yellowcoat. Su must be loud and obnoxious at all times. Su must have access to a time-machine, and ride in on a pterodactyl. Su must lay waste to all she sees.
4. Pasha is in it : Pasha was not in last year’s Christmas Special. You do the maths.
5. I might recap it : Notice I said might…