Strictly Come Dancing 9 – Week 7 Results Summary

We open with a group jitterbug involving The Jordans, Team Ka$ha (never ever dropping that), and Vincent & Flavia dancing to “Mr Sandman” and “It Don’t Mean A Thing If It Aint Got That Swing”. As Strictly WarPorn goes it’s a relatively light dose, but we get our full mandatory yearly top-up later on with Vincent & Flavia jiving around Trafalgar Square with some adorable old people and some orchestra leader defining smug-face and fiddling his way through Vera Lynn whilst Erin & Anton do a Very Tasteful Foxtrot. So sated, we’re left with little space left in terms of pro-dances apart from a space for Kristina & Robin to try and be contemporary to a song called “Giraffe Arse” by a friend of emogirl82 called parawhore87 who she’s got a guest-slot by promising to clean Davearch’s tuba for a week.

Len’s Glans this week covers the Harry vs Len saga in further mind-numbing detail and solves nothing therein except if you really enjoy Len saying “it’s all subjective” and “YOU’RE WRONG!” within the same segment (again), lets us listen to Audley’s owl impression, inserts us right up Grayson’s fleckerl, patronises the hell out of Chelsee (as does Claudia, as does everybody), bigs up Anita’s ham-acting and allows Craig to launch a second-by-second vicious dissection of Alex’s jive that makes the slot feel more and more like the bully pulpit it was conceived to be. Oh and it ends with Russell again, but it feels even more like they don’t want to than it usually does. Which is saying something.

Results? Actual results? Well Audley is in the bottom two, and going home, as we all knew he would be (and to be fair, which we all knew last week, when it didn’t happen), but joining him in the danger zone is Anita who…to say she takes it hard is an understatement. Dido took being rejected by Aeneas/David Boreanaz(*delete as per your Classical Education*) better. (OH YEAH, A CLASSIC GREEK MYTH REFERENCE BITCHEZ!). She mopes, she cries, she pleads for clemency, she pulls sad-face down the camera…it’s all vaguely nauseating.

Next week? Wembley, and Craig gives us notice that there is going to be GURNING A-PLENTY. Oh joy.

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18 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 9 – Week 7 Results Summary

  1. jspanero

    Kristina’s bitchface to Craig on Saturday was hilarious. I hope she turns into a total Alex Forrest. The DESPERATION in that partnership is repulsively amazing to watch.

    Reply
  2. northernsoul54

    Can’t believe you managed to get a Dido & Aeneas reference into a strictly write up. Kudos to you sir! πŸ™‚

    Reply
  3. Carl

    Harry and Holly are most likely unable to go beyond a smirk in the gurn sweepstakes, Chelsee can’t gurn because she’s a proper lady now, and Robbie will cry because he thinks you called him a big girl. Anita, Russell, Anita, Alex, and Anita will have to pick up the slack.

    The first dance was great fun, with some inventive choreography which didn’t look like someone threw it off the back of the SYTYCD bus, and some energy and life. I wasn’t sure why they were in those outfits – were they commemorating Latin Day? I kept thinking back to the great group dance in series 5 when everyone was dressed in vintage uniform.

    Your comments on “parawhore” were so hilarious. What was that…performance with the Tori Amos/Lilith Fair 100 candles? I was worried for a fire hazard. Then Kristina and Robin go through terrifying and weird lifts, Robin overwrought, looking like he got lost on the way to an Eastenders interpretive dance. Was this some great experiment in tormenting viewers?

    It’s always nice to see Erin but they didn’t seem to fit with the rest of the orchestra. Anton was doing his comedy kicks. He may not ever do a straight routine again.

    I feel like such a hypocrite when I like one person having an energetic safe reaction and hate another for the same.

    If I’m fair to Anita I’d say the false eyelashes made everything more exaggerated, but the face of death throughout most of the evening was way way too much. Anita’s taking this too seriously.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      It’ll be interesting to see who’s able to fill the space of Wembley. I think it’s the one week where Holly may benefit most from being with Brendan because…boy does he know how to play to the back row of a completely different building.

      Reply
  4. Catherine

    I think Anita seems like a lovely lady but I don’t like her dancing. She always seems to be flailing. Her arms and legs seem to work independently of her body.

    That said, Russell deserved to be in the bottom two more than she did.

    And now I think I’ve lost sight of what’s really important – namely, the lols.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      We’re past halfway now, it’s time to be DEATHLY SERIOUS! WHAT IF A BETTER DANCER GOES HOME OVER SOMEONE IS LESS GOOD THAN THEM?!?!?! THE SHOW WILL BECOME A FARCE!!!! etc etc

      Reply
  5. Ferny

    Anita is one hell of a drama queen. I like her but I do find the OTT faces a bit off-putting.

    Audley probably should have gone last week but at least he knocked out Bloody Lulu πŸ™‚

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I like Anita quite a bit most of the time, but she could have picked a better episode to slather on the “why does no-one LIKE ME? BOO HOO!” on the Rememberance Day one…

      Reply
  6. Neio

    I’m sure Anita and Russell can gurn enough for everyone at Wembley between them.

    Yeah, who the hell was that girl with the piano and the Annie Lennox candles? At least Caro Diamonique the other week had Team Ka$ha doing that amazing Jive.

    After Jason feeling up Chelsee’s knee the other week like a funny uncle, I was a bit creeped out this week to see Robbie keep kissing her head and having his arm around her in the Tessanine. I know both of them were probably trying to show some kind of fatherly concern or something, but it comes across more than a little creepy to me.

    Reply
  7. Left Feet

    So according to Audley Anita was in the bottom two becasue she is not on Twitter. Did not seem to help him that much. In fact I might start voting for her because she is not on Twitter. Perhaps she has better things to do with her life then being on social platforms. No wonder Audley is a crap boxer too much twitter time.

    Reply
  8. joistmonkey

    Can I have twenty-two in the sweepstake as to “The number of times that Len makes reference to the fact the show is at a sports ground (even though it isn’t, really.. the arena is not the stadium) and Robbie is a SPORTSMAN? I’d have gone for sixty-six had Dan Lobotomy and Audley still been in the show.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      The number of times Len says “SPORTSMAN!” is sadly not proportional to the number SPORTSMEN present at any time beyond the level of 1.

      Reply
  9. Rose

    Thank god Audley left, he seemed like a nice enough chap but I have been saying he will go soon since week one. It feels nice to be right finally!
    You have to excuse everyone’s behaviour to Chelsee, I would patronise her and she is older than I am… what I don’t get is why not one treats Alex like the child she is.
    While I studied dido and aeneas at school (dildo and anus lolz) david boreanaz is sexier so his rejection will be harder to deal with. And poor old Christina Perri, singing live does not come natural to her but she and Alex could be sisters with their matching sad puppy eyes.

    Reply

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