We open with a group jitterbug involving The Jordans, Team Ka$ha (never ever dropping that), and Vincent & Flavia dancing to “Mr Sandman” and “It Don’t Mean A Thing If It Aint Got That Swing”. As Strictly WarPorn goes it’s a relatively light dose, but we get our full mandatory yearly top-up later on with Vincent & Flavia jiving around Trafalgar Square with some adorable old people and some orchestra leader defining smug-face and fiddling his way through Vera Lynn whilst Erin & Anton do a Very Tasteful Foxtrot. So sated, we’re left with little space left in terms of pro-dances apart from a space for Kristina & Robin to try and be contemporary to a song called “Giraffe Arse” by a friend of emogirl82 called parawhore87 who she’s got a guest-slot by promising to clean Davearch’s tuba for a week.
Len’s Glans this week covers the Harry vs Len saga in further mind-numbing detail and solves nothing therein except if you really enjoy Len saying “it’s all subjective” and “YOU’RE WRONG!” within the same segment (again), lets us listen to Audley’s owl impression, inserts us right up Grayson’s fleckerl, patronises the hell out of Chelsee (as does Claudia, as does everybody), bigs up Anita’s ham-acting and allows Craig to launch a second-by-second vicious dissection of Alex’s jive that makes the slot feel more and more like the bully pulpit it was conceived to be. Oh and it ends with Russell again, but it feels even more like they don’t want to than it usually does. Which is saying something.
Results? Actual results? Well Audley is in the bottom two, and going home, as we all knew he would be (and to be fair, which we all knew last week, when it didn’t happen), but joining him in the danger zone is Anita who…to say she takes it hard is an understatement. Dido took being rejected by Aeneas/David Boreanaz(*delete as per your Classical Education*) better. (OH YEAH, A CLASSIC GREEK MYTH REFERENCE BITCHEZ!). She mopes, she cries, she pleads for clemency, she pulls sad-face down the camera…it’s all vaguely nauseating.
Next week? Wembley, and Craig gives us notice that there is going to be GURNING A-PLENTY. Oh joy.