Jennifer Grey is still here. And still superfluous. Except for the transformation of Len’s Glans into Jen’s Glans and an admission that she wimped out of being in any way critical or useful in the performance show she doesn’t really do much, except exacerbate Craig’s spiralling Head Judge mania, as he minces around the show recap cackling like Scar in the The Lion King. I’m guessing Len’s arrival at Heathrow is about to be interrupted by a very convenient wildebeast stampede…
The theme of the pro dances for the evening is BOYS vs GIRLS. And the winner is…erm…nobody? The girls roll around the floor to Beyonce acting more like strippers than any women on this show have acted in any routine ever. Choreographed by Aliona, natch. Meanwhile the boys are choreographed by Mandy Moore in a rare fail as they dance around mic-stands like Westlife pretending to be the Rat Pack, accompanied by MATTFLINTMANIA from “So You Think You Can Get Cancelled?”. This is because Artem is not well, as evidenced by him stumbling around the set barging into everything screaming in pain like the Thin Man from the Charlie’s Angels movies. SUCH TORMENT. SO MANY FEELINGS.
Musical guests this week are…Jesus Wept it’s Westlife and Bruce. All in the one show. They’re not even performing together to get the pain over with quickly. Bruce sings his new song “I’ll Be Dead Soon”, and Westlife do Flying Without Wings with the floor strewn with Annie Lennox memorial candles. The gay ones howls like Chewbacca in lieu of singing. Fabulous.
Actual results? It’s an Audley vs Bloody Lulu bottom 2, but miracle upon miracles, Audley scrapes through another week, somehow, surpassing even Nancy in the BOTTOMTWOGODDESS stakes. It’s Bloody Lulu going home then, and she’s as graceless about it as I hoped. Sullen, downcast, not even bothering to thank Brenda… OH WELL, NEVER MIND.
Len’s back next week then…oh well, can’t have everything.