So…Jennifer Grey then. For an actress she wasn’t very good at reading off a script. She’s been here since mid-week, she could at least have learnt her lines a bit better. She gives everything 8, delivers her opinions with all the conviction of someone doing a run-through of a Pampers commercial to establish the sound levels, and almost makes me miss Len. Almost. His absence does at least allow Craig to express himself without being screamed at for being MEEEEEEAN AND DESTRUCTIVE!
This particularly noticable after Jason & Kristina’s rumba. Where normally Craig would slate a bloke-rumba for its fumbling sexuality and then be chided by Len for not UNDERSTAAAAAAAANDING HOW HARD IT IS TO BE A STRAIGHT MALE EXPRESSING YOUR EMOOOOOOTIONS, instead we get Craig slating a bloke-rumba and…everyone else agreeing with him. The dance itself wasn’t awful, if sexless, and that might have had more to do with it being preceded by the worst VT ever as well, a horrifying 70s porn/blaxploitation pastiche that made my genitals actively retreat inside my body. Also occupying the difficult mid-zone again are Anita, Alex and Robbie. Again. Anita does a herk-jerky Charleston with Robin that feels more suited to an intermission than the main show. I felt like I should be nipping off for an ice-cream in the middle of it. Robbie’s waltz comes and goes notelessly with the judges disagreeing on whether it showed enough emotion. Mostly my memory of the whole thing is blurred by Ibble Bibble Camilla on twitter demanding a 10 for it. Alex goes completely out of control in her Quickstep, and it’s insanely enjoyable, if an utter mess technically. She and James fall on their arse in the end, and I’d say it’s probably the most gracefully she moved all dance.
Languishing at the bottom, again, are Russell, Bloody Lulu and Audley. Audley mostly for producing another ballroom performance of smiley ineptness that even I am tiring a little of at this point. Natalie’s skirtwork is impeccable, but not even that is enough to convince me that it’s not time. Really. Bloody Lulu suffers from opening the show, which is terrifying, because she’s still scored a good 4-5 marks too high for a tango that causes Brenda to burst out laughing in her face half way through, and ends with the least notable judge molestation yet. Russell sadly is stalled out where he started, getting 20-25 marks for comedy routines (this week shagging a mechanical bull wearing Monty Mole glasses) as the rest of the couples pass him by.
Top of the tree are the youngsters – Harry with a soporific samba that shows hints of greatness interspersed with him moving around sluggishly or just standing still and letting Aliona writhe around him, Chelsee with a Charleston that shows real promise but which is marred by her losing her place a few times and a generally stop-starty set of choreography that could flow more naturally, and Holly with a jive that she can’t keep on, and which features an utterly crocked and limping Artem, who can just about keep his own performance together but who can’t pull her along with him.
I can’t wait for the Injury Porn faces on the Results Show. I hope they’re SPECTACULAR.