Strictly Come Dancing 9 – Week 6 Performance Summary

So…Jennifer Grey then. For an actress she wasn’t very good at reading off a script. She’s been here since mid-week, she could at least have learnt her lines a bit better. She gives everything 8, delivers her opinions with all the conviction of someone doing a run-through of a Pampers commercial to establish the sound levels, and almost makes me miss Len. Almost. His absence does at least allow Craig to express himself without being screamed at for being MEEEEEEAN AND DESTRUCTIVE!

This particularly noticable after Jason & Kristina’s rumba. Where normally Craig would slate a bloke-rumba for its fumbling sexuality and then be chided by Len for not UNDERSTAAAAAAAANDING HOW HARD IT IS TO BE A STRAIGHT MALE EXPRESSING YOUR EMOOOOOOTIONS, instead we get Craig slating a bloke-rumba and…everyone else agreeing with him. The dance itself wasn’t awful, if sexless, and that might have had more to do with it being preceded by the worst VT ever as well, a horrifying 70s porn/blaxploitation pastiche that made my genitals actively retreat inside my body. Also occupying the difficult mid-zone again are Anita, Alex and Robbie. Again. Anita does a herk-jerky Charleston with Robin that feels more suited to an intermission than the main show. I felt like I should be nipping off for an ice-cream in the middle of it. Robbie’s waltz comes and goes notelessly with the judges disagreeing on whether it showed enough emotion. Mostly my memory of the whole thing is blurred by Ibble Bibble Camilla on twitter demanding a 10 for it. Alex goes completely out of control in her Quickstep, and it’s insanely enjoyable, if an utter mess technically. She and James fall on their arse in the end, and I’d say it’s probably the most gracefully she moved all dance.

Languishing at the bottom, again, are Russell, Bloody Lulu and Audley. Audley mostly for producing another ballroom performance of smiley ineptness that even I am tiring a little of at this point. Natalie’s skirtwork is impeccable, but not even that is enough to convince me that it’s not time. Really. Bloody Lulu suffers from opening the show, which is terrifying, because she’s still scored a good 4-5 marks too high for a tango that causes Brenda to burst out laughing in her face half way through, and ends with the least notable judge molestation yet. Russell sadly is stalled out where he started, getting 20-25 marks for comedy routines (this week shagging a mechanical bull wearing Monty Mole glasses) as the rest of the couples pass him by.

Top of the tree are the youngsters – Harry with a soporific samba that shows hints of greatness interspersed with him moving around sluggishly or just standing still and letting Aliona writhe around him, Chelsee with a Charleston that shows real promise but which is marred by her losing her place a few times and a generally stop-starty set of choreography that could flow more naturally, and Holly with a jive that she can’t keep on, and which features an utterly crocked and limping Artem, who can just about keep his own performance together but who can’t pull her along with him.

I can’t wait for the Injury Porn faces on the Results Show. I hope they’re SPECTACULAR.


37 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 9 – Week 6 Performance Summary

  1. Poppy

    Oooh, injury porn, that was my immediate thought as I saw Artem limping up the stairs. Hope they give us some good stuff.

    I’m getting a bit despairing that any of the celebs are ever going to really wow me this year. Chelsee’s nearly done it a couple of times now, but always ends up going wrong. Holly’s good, but not quite *that* good(/ghost of Kara haunting the dancefloor). I haven’t been finding Jason as dull as everyone else seems to, but tonight he really was a bit ernest. Sort of like a 5 year old asking why Daddy liked kissing Mummy so much, and is it true that babies come from eating too much custard?

    1. Allgrownup

      Is Aliona PREGGURNANT then? Someone should post a thread about that! 😀

      Can’t we just call this series a tie between the Top 4, have a mid-series final performances show leading into an all-star series that runs up to Xmas?

      Looking forward to an INJURY PORN montage.

      1. monkseal Post author

        After Colin apparently sucking the entire tour, I’m not sure I want my memories sullied.

      2. Poppy

        Well, it was Auntie Aliona who told young Jason that, but to be honest I think it was a blatant attempt to confiscate his tub of custard for her own personal consumption later on. She was banking on young Jase not being fully cognisant of the fact that only the ladies can have the babies.

  2. Left Feet

    Jennifer Grey was fine for one week, she overmarked, but the lack of Len meant all the other judges had their best weeks and could relax without Len making Comedy faces.
    Did Camilla really think Robbie’s waltz should have been a ten,? Perhaps they should have had the master dancer Martin Offiah as he was deemed good enough for red button!

    1. Carl

      If Jennifer managed to avoid mentioning being over 50, or being in pain, then she bettered her DWTS performance by tenfold.

      Why do they keep doing these porn homages? This is the third. If we’re going to get into porn can’t we at least get some gratuitous male nudity?

      1. monkseal Post author

        All of Jason’s VTs have been awful. I didn’t mind Anita’s last week, better than her and Robin pretending they were watching themselves in a 1920s movie anyway. Obviously the splurge guns this week were horrific.

      2. monkseal Post author

        Harry’s Shirtless VT was almost entirely gratuitous, especially as Aliona had him practically topless for the entire dance as well.

    2. monkseal Post author

      He was the best male dancer of his series! (*thinks again it’s not a bad thing nobody remembers series 1*)

      1. Carl

        I couldn’t reply to your above comment for some reason, but I agree with you about Jason’s VTs. I think they’ve been sheer hell, and I wonder if someone in production hates him. I don’t like the man very much on Strictly but even I’m not sadistic enough to do this every week. I think all we have left is Jason discovering the joys of bondage.

        If Harry’s going to be as crap as he was in most of that samba, he’s going to have to lose more than a shirt.

      2. monkseal Post author

        I was distracted this week watching the credits seeing the sheer VOLUME of people with creative oversight over those comedy VTs. I have never ever ever ever ever ever ever IN MY LIFE been a “MY LICENCE FEE!” person, it’s 20p per day etc etc but good lord that moment ran me close.

    3. Stu

      Camilla said it was worth a 9 or a 10, but she also said that she thought everyone was over-marked last night by at least 2pts, so if Anita’s effort was deemed worthy of an 8 then Robbie’s was worth a 9 by comparison…

      Personally I thought Chelsee was the only celeb worth watching last night – and even she wasn’t great.

      1. Left Feet

        If Camilla was judge everyone would still have a moan and in her blog she overmarks just as much as the offical judges, for a pro she is clueless.

  3. Ferny

    I love that the judges said Holly was energetic…I think that was the most cool and casual jive I’ve ever seen (really liked it though).

    I really didn’t get Jennifer Grey at all – why was she even reading off a script? It can’t be that hard to remember Chelsee is the youngest and then regurgitate a line about putting baby in the corner which she must have said at least 2,565 times in her life. I did miss Len. Although this was also to do with Alesha totally pumping herself up into thinking she was the main judge and BLURTING out every comment like she DEFINITELY KNOWS WHAT SHE’S TALKING ABOUT – so much more than usual. She seemed very different tonight don’t you think?

    Also, as soon as I saw Brendan I thought something’s different about him, but I couldn’t work out what. Was it the hair?

    1. Carl

      I think he was going for an Anton contest.

      Holly was very laid-back but this worked for her. I’m not sure why she’s on Strictly (beyond career reasons!) but I’m glad she’s not letting the show get to her and is instead adapting it to her own rhythm.

  4. Monaogg

    Jennifer Grey was channelling the Hamela listening carefully face very well.

    Aliona may well be doing much needed hiding of ability than the content purists think judging by that Samba. Whilst the Rumba had as much fizz as a sopping wet firework combined with looking like siblings who have had a really bad falling out trying to dance together like lovers.

  5. jspanero

    Still waiting for that ‘wow’ dance to blow me away this year. This time last year we had Kara doing this:

    (minute 2.48 in is one of my favourite unexpected moves in Strictly history!)

    So far the only people that I can see producing something similar are Chelsee and Harry, and she is too wobbly still and Harry’s too uptight to do a mental salsambcha (still). Holly is a good dancer but she’s SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW which bores me to tears in latin.

    1. Left Feet

      I think the standard last year was probably better however Kara is a bit of a one off no one is as good as she is this year.
      I thought the show was fine don’t get the moans about overmarking from the morans on the forums, the TV as an off button if they don’t like the show use it.

    2. Poppy

      To think that Kara’s salsa got 36, and you compare it with dances that have got 36 this series….well, nuff said.

      By pointing out the off button, you’re missing at least 2 points. 1) Where’s the fun in switching off when that means you can’t spend the next week moaning on the message boards? 2) Strictly is the BBC’s initiation program into the higher reaches of Zen-like contemplation; if you can accept Len giving Kara a 9 because there “wasn’t enough Foxtrot content”, or Jennifer Grey giving everyone an 8 just for turning up, you can accept anything. Job done.

      1. Left Feet

        Your right of course its my fault in a way I should not go on them. Everyone on that show works so hard and a few moany gits spoil my enjoyment of it, competely my fault.

      2. jspanero

        To be fair that salsa is a bit all over the place and she misses a few things that even an untrained eye like mine can spot, but the point is that six weeks into it she was doing cartwheels and dancing her arse off while looking like she was enjoying it rather than pussyfooting (Harry) or just not giving a crap generally (Holly). I can accept mistakes in people who make the effort to put on a bloody show!!

  6. tal27

    To remove the hideous images in my mind of Jason and Kristina’s smirk fest rumba, I indulged in a little re-watching of the Austin and Erin rumba. So much for straight men not being able to rumba… I can’t believe how low the standard is this series…

    1. Missfrankiecat

      But Jason’s serial killer face at the end was to be savoured. Almost as much as Kristina’s bitch face from then on – the dawning realisation that she is not going to win after all.


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