Strictly Come Dancing 9 – Week 4 Results Summary

So, podium dancing is apparently a thing on the show this year, as a result of a Kristina, Robin and Artem choreographed opening number prodance. (What, was Aliona not invited along to play?). I eagerly await next week’s pro-dance featuring poles, cages, whips and chains. Obviously it will be choreographed by Flavia. Speaking of which she and Vincent put on their annual Argentine Tango showcase and it is intricate and steamy and ridiculous as ever. I hope to God Dr Hamela isn’t asked about it otherwise they’ll have to extend It Takes Two to 45 minutes and get the Black Bars Of Censorship ready. Rounding out our pro-dances for the week are Pasha and Katya, jiving the very living hell out of a Caro Diamond number. Whoever she is.

Oh God, Len’s Glans is still here, and worse than ever. Everyone goes into pant-wetting hysterics over 5 seconds of slow-mo footage of Robbie pumping his chest, Russell’s face (again, for the billionth time), Nancy doing…something, and Robin throwing Anita aorund like a carpet. There’s then a Hallowe’en preview comedy VT which is essentially the same unfunny joke told 13 times (“SCREAM SCREAM!” “WHAT’S THE MATTER?” “I’VE LOST ME LIP-GLOSS DUCKY!” *gayface*) which in a way makes it really more of an appropriate preview VT for Broadway Week.

Results? Well Nancy is officially this year’s Bottom 2 Goddess as she is plunged right back down there without a Bottom 2 Bounce, and she’s joined by Rory who was on early in the show, did his worst dance yet, did the most boring dance of the show, got low marks, and talked about how crap he was to a slightly needy degree. Naturally, Len is still SHOCKED he’s in the bottom 2. SHOCKED. What’s even more SHOCKING is that he’s going home, as Nancy lives to claw her way into Hallowe’en Week. Somehow.

The most salient fact of the whole show, however, is that Alex Jones, after a month of being electrocuted, repeatedly yelled at, dressed horribly, forced into training at all hours, and called a giant cold unsexy slab of rotten tofu by Craig, is utterly broken and now hating every second of the show. Hooray! FUN FUN FUN!


26 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 9 – Week 4 Results Summary

  1. JillyBoyd

    It’s Caro Emerald. A singer from Holland. I had no idea she was trying to break through to the UK, so this was a nice surprise. And the Pasha/Katya routine is all just a part of the Kovalovnage he’s planning. Soon, my pretty.

    Lens Glans is useless. And you can read that any way you like.

    I feel so bad for Alex. James is an arrogant prick. My god, Brenda is looking like a wallflower compared with him.

    Erin is off to Erin Island. I think I’ll join her.

    1. Allgrownup

      Caro is on her way to a platinum album in the UK actually, so not doing too shabby. Glad she got this chance.

      Tess’ dress must have been the result of a bust up between her and War Drobe: They had a little black dress, she wanted a more lopsided look, they offered her a mesh polka dot fabric. Voila, total Project Runway showpiece gone bad.

      Bye Erin! Bon Voyage. Don’t get sunburn!

      1. Poppy

        My mum said that if Tess turned round too quickly she’d reveal all, but I think there was a nude lining beneath the gappy bits. I sincerely hope there was, anyway.

    2. monkseal Post author

      I’m always impressed by how much she synthesises caring when she’s eliminated, but she’ll be whooping it up like Rory never existed within three days.

  2. Poppy

    I truly think that Gran’s Lens exists solely to legitimise pointing and laughing at Nancy. Once she’s out they’ll get rid of it. Mark My Words.

    I thought the podium dancing was pretty rubbish, but enjoyed the Argy Targy.

    1. monkseal Post author

      The Nancy bit was the most mystifying bit of all. If they were going to point and laugh could they not do the bit where she was counting out loud DOWN THE CAMERA. I don’t need to hear Anton’s sex-noises thank you very much.

  3. Stormy

    First episode of the year when I’ve openly shouted “WTF IS THAT??” at Tess’ outfit. Holy hell.

    I’ve also officially reached the “the joke is no longer funny” line with Nancy. I swear, if she lasts as long as Widdy lasted in 2010, I may just eat my keyboard in rage. Won’t someone please take poor Anton out of his misery? Hasn’t he suffered enough for his mildly racist comment to Laila a few years ago? Aren’t there rules against cruel and unusual punishment in the UK?

    Poor Rory. I’m not exactly surprised, but (as usual) he deserved to stay more than the drunken train wreck that is Nancy.

    1. Carl

      I didn’t want Rory to leave yet, but I don’t want to see Nancy leave quite yet. She entertains me, mostly just by being herself and not constantly being drawn into ‘journeys’ or doing bad acting for the camera. I think Anton is in his element. He has spent years making sure every partner is seen as a burden to him. Now he has the ultimate in nightmare partners, and best of all, she’s so crazy, he can’t even do his usual antics. He just has to bluster in her shadow.

      I’d rather see Lulu, Alex, and Robbie leave before Nancy.

      I guess we’re in for another quasi-’40s revival? I’d never heard of Caro but she was a nice change from the usual dirge of mournful pop. Pasha and Katya!!! Katya looked beautiful and she seemed so happy. And Pasha was wearing suspenders πŸ™‚

    2. monkseal Post author

      I really don’t think Nancy’s got much gas left in the tank. She’s a Fiona Phillipps rather than a Widdinator.

  4. Ferny

    Sometimes I genuinely don’t think Tess is human…in fact why is she not Tessbot?!

    I’m very sad they’ve broken Alex, she was so enthusiastic and a sweetie too (even though I wasn’t a fan of hers on the One Show).

    Flavia & Vincent’s AT was freakin’ amazing, and I think you’re right about Pasha – it took me a couple of weeks to see the light, but he’s one of my faves now (but Flavia will always be top, naturally)

  5. Carl

    The best/worst part of the Halloween joke was Jason and Nancy. They finally seem to be acknowledging just how terrifying he is. I actually enjoyed all of them, except for the one with Lulu and Audley, which creaked more than Bruce.

    1. monkseal Post author

      I actually think that one was my favourite, if only for the bizarre arty shot of Audley’s discarded coffee cup at the end.

  6. Jo Sarsam (@azure_karura)

    “We’ve always said that cha cha is difficult.” Have we? I thought we said the waltz, foxtrot, quickstep, jive, tango, paso and samba were difficult. Especially if you’re tall. Then every dance is the most challenging dance.

    1. monkseal Post author

      I had thought that the show line was that cha-cha was an easy dance, because it happened in week 1. Apparently not. IT’S SUPER HARD.

  7. Verns

    Oh, the joy of being out of the country and watching the results show on i-player – I automatically skipped those daft Halloween sketches and the ‘safe, and dancing next week’ bits (I’ll just enjoy the ‘saved’ faces on your longer write-up). I loved all the pro dances, I must confess. Vincent and Flavia are AT gods, natch; and, boy, was that a manic jive from Katya and Pasha! Love Caro Emerald – I listen to her album, ‘Deleted Scenes From The Cutting-Room Floor’, assigning the tracks to Strictly dances. It’s a fun game, since her songs are eminently danceable, but then I like Radio 2, so what do I know?

    1. monkseal Post author

      I prefer it on the Weekends when you get the Elaine Paige Insincerity Hour and Alan Carr & Fag-Hag Of The Month.


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