Strictly Come Dancing 9 – Week 4 Performance Summary

So, the most important thing of the week is that clearly some of the pros are on a bit of a bet to use the stairs to the Tessanine in their choreography. Erin starts her cha cha with Rory (again, on autopilot in term of the choreography, but it’s autoErin PARTY LATIN which is grim indeed) from up there, Brendan takes Lulu on a nice walk up and down them during their samba, possibly trying to break her new hair in (which looks like it was done by whatever 8 year old grand-daughter it was who made her do that illegal lift last weeK), and Aliona takes a little fag break on it halfway through her waltz routine to have a gossip with Harry. Possibly about Lulu’s crappy hair. It is only this one which causes a major stir with the judges, with Len losing his BRAIN ALL OVER THE STAGE ABOUT HOW MUCH HE LOVED THE REST OF THE ROUTINE APART FROM THAT, HE HATE HATE HATE HATED IT (…as did I, but Jesus Christ Leonard…)and Alesha deciding she’s going to score a 10 just to piss him off.

(Sidebar : Given how lots of pros decided to use the stairs all at once, it does rather seem like this ENTIRELY SPONTAENOUS ROW might be one last throw of the CONTROVERSY DICE from Evil Moira Ross on her way out the door. Kudos Evil Moira Ross. Kudos.)

(Sidebar : Oh my God, Tess’ Dress. Oh my God).

Also stirring up controversy tonight is James, partly by walking Alex through a fairly grim rumba/roll around on the floor wearing a truly hideous catstuit, but mostly by getting the hump and defending…well himself mostly when she’s called out for being sexless, cold and stiff. (He also yells something out at Len during his critique of Bloody Lulu that throws the entirity of the show off the rails for a good long while). Hey James, remember how last year you didn’t act like a royal twot, and instead just bummed Dr Hamela over the potters wheel and fired the glitterball out of your arse like a good boy? And it was the one year your partner DIDN’T get eliminated midway through the competition, about a month before they should have been? Yeah, that.

OK, so, outside of X Factor baiting controversy, what have we got? Well, it’s a designated “off-week” for most of the boys. As well as Rory plunging back into the Latin doldrums, we have Jason knocked off his perch all the way down to 5th (FIFTH) for a posing heatless paso, Robbie flailing around everywhere doing the Baggy Trousers dance in lieu of a jive and getting mixed messages from the judges as to the suitability of doing so, and the first cracks start to appear in the judges whole-hearted support of Russell when he delivers a truly unnerving Tango based on Flavia as some sort of DREAD DREAM MONSTER TRYING TO TURN HIM STRAIGHT. He’s still on last in the running order though because…of course he is. The one man to put out a truly unequivocable triumph is Audley, who blands his way beautifully through a beamingly average foxtrot, enlivened by yet more beautiful skirt work from Natalie.

For the remaining girls it’s more of a mixed bag. Holly remains merrily ploughing her furrough around the 30 mark, doing some sort of advanced driving exercise around three lamp-posts with Artem and calling it a Viennese Waltz. More exciting is the utter disdain she has for this weeks WACKY VTS which are the actual worst. More vocal in her disdain is Nancy who for some reason is dragged off to a farm screaming “THIS IS NO MADRID!” and “THIS IS NO HELPING ME LEARN TO DANCE!” She also tactfully diffuses a truly horrific “have you ever danced with a Nancy before?” moment from Bruce by kissing him and telling him to shut up. And people wonder why I’m…I mean people are voting to keep her in (She also does a dance. But you know, whatever).

This leaves Anita and Chelsee to sieze the day. And sieze it they do. Anita by putting out her same old shit, but it’s Anita variety BALLROOM shit, so the judges pretend it’s good. But in Chelsee’s case… she harnesses all the control she can muster for the QUICKSTEP of all things, channels it through Pasha doing inspired random choreography where she’s Britney Spears in Toxic, and produces a table-topping triumph of a dance. It’s INSPIRATIONAL, and also more importantly keeps us all from finding out just how derisory her vote is for another week.

HOORAY!

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22 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 9 – Week 4 Performance Summary

  1. Left Feet

    The show was a bit of a bore fest until Chelsee’s routine and I did like Harry’s as well. Who knows what her vote is like but she is on Waterloo Road every week so of the women apart from Alex she does have the most TV exposure. Well done the Pash.
    Think Russell routines are bluring into one.
    Len does need that week off badly. Though I will miss his weekly scraps with Craig not to mention Aliona and James this week.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      There was a certain bizarre tension for the first half wondering who was going to knock off Jason’s score first. I enjoyed it more than last week anyway, which was also mostly rubbish in the first hour or so.

      Reply
  2. Missfrankiecat

    Just an amazing routine, so, yes, MS, you and Pasha have turned me. He hardly reminds me of Wiggy at all now. And someone called Healey always has a head start with my vote.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I hope he turns up one week and makes some joke about how they’re related in that “I’m doing this joke just because I feel I have to and I’m going to deliver it really poorly just to annoy you” way that he always had.

      Reply
  3. Ferny

    Firstly I can’t believe (as a Waterloo Road watcher) how much of a huge spoiler they plonked right on prime-time telly! Secondly, Tess’s dress, and general presenting skills, especially in the Nancy interview 😮
    Thirdly, I love Nancy and she must stay for longer. Her being pushed into a field of bulls by Anton, wearing some designer get-up and complaining about it not being Madrid was sort of amazing. Plus she saved the day when Bruce asked Anton if he’d danced with Nancy before and Anton staring open-mouthed at Bruce for all of eternity. At least there is a way of getting Anton lost for words 🙂

    Reply
  4. Serenity Now!

    A pretty enjoyable show I thought, couple of high points for me:

    Pasha in the background clearly shaking his head and looking generally unimpressed with James’ whining- just when I thought I couldn’t like the guy more!

    Anton getting wonderfully passive-aggressive with that complete dolt Tess for somehow not knowing that Nancy was supposed to be the cape and not the bull- I think he said something like “how long have you been doing this show?” (answer: 9 series too long give or take maternity leave)

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I liked the contrast of Anton leaping around punching the air at Tess’ stupidity with Nancy just standing there monotoning “yes, I am the cape”.

      Reply
  5. Carl

    Pasha was so adorable when he saw the high scores! It’s so endearing, especially since it’s so genuine.

    I can’t take any more of the VTs that seem to be some type of film school exercise. Anita and Robin showing their ’40s love and Robin paying homage to the Grant Mitchell snarl. Harry doing a Maxwell Caulfield impression.

    There’s no point in Harry and Aliona even dancing. I now believe she and Len work out a script every week, before broadcast, and her partners are just taking up space.

    Robbie has managed to snatch the crowd of desperate, cringeworthy asexuality away from Jason Donovan.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I think I’d like Aliona as a rebel pro if she articulated herself behind giggling behind her hand and arch statements on ITT.

      Reply
  6. Carl

    I forgot to say I didn’t ever get the complaints about Erin’s Latin until tonight. Rory had to do the same moves Austin did, and he’s not exactly Austin. Shimmying at the judges, et al. I admired how she let him dance on his own and keep the focus on him for most of their number but then I wondered if it’s because she was busy packing for her island.

    Reply
  7. Meloz

    I was amusing myself during the tedious parts of the show (all the VTs, Bruce, Tess, James, Len – there was lot of time to fill) trying to figure out what horrendous thing Tess must have done to the wardrobe and makeup departments.

    Laughed so much at the Viennese waltz / advance driving test comparison I scared the cats…

    Reply
  8. Poppy

    Am I the only person in the viewersphere who thought that Anita spent most of her dance doing something completely different from Robin? She made a real mess of it (or so it seemed to me), although she did continue and cover up like a pro. I waited and waited for the judges to mention it, but no. Although maybe that’s what Craig meant when he said she was a real pro. I must admit my attention was wandering a bit by then.

    I’ll bet Russell never expected that Nancy would be the comedy character this year rather than him. I think he’s rather a good dancer, in fact.

    Can’t wait for what your full recap will have in store for us, Monkseal. James’s strange “Don’t criticise me, I’m a PROFESSIONAL” outburst (by the way, I think he shouted “Just like last week” from the Tessanine), Bruce splurging tumbleweed all over the dancefloor with his “Have you ever danced with a Nancy before” comment, Alex’s ‘interesting’ ‘catsuit’, Pasha choreographing a fabulous quickstep, and according to the ITT costume item “requesting” a stewardess’s outfit. What a treat!

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I was still scanning around the Interwebs mopping up the “first 10 of the series” controversy during Anita’s dance. From what I saw I thought it was god-awful and low 20s worthy at best. I’ll see what a second viewing yields later on.

      Reply
  9. Wiskas

    So didn’t ANYONE else see Bloody Lulu trip up the stairs in her stair-bothering interlude? I did see it, honest, it wasn’t just wishful thinking.

    Reply
  10. Verns

    ‘Defuse’, dear Monkseal, ‘defuse’. Although I would have liked to have seen Nancy attack Serbruce with a diffuser. She could easily have mistaken him for an aspidistra…

    In common with about 99% of the viewing audience, I loved Chelsee and Pasha’s quickstep, almost as much as I’m loving Chelsee’s open and sunny nature, not to mention her utter bemusement when Tess goes into full patronising mode. Mark my words, this was her breakthrough week. Oh, and Pasha is simply wonderful.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I feel picking out one typo in these recaps is probably a bit like picking out one bad dress in Tess’ Wardrobe. And obviously I’m not stopping doing that any time soon, so pick away!

      Reply

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