It’s time for the all-important Week 2 Latin-Ballroom tranisitions this time on Strictly. Who will struggle wi…oh no, wait, Holly and Russell are just doing Latin again? Really? OK. Holly cams AHT, does a salsa to Mas Que Nada and…it’s more or less the same as she was last week. She does manage to hit the 30+ barrier with it though, which is more than anyone else other than Jason does all evening. This means we are down to two potential winners ALREADY. Either that or my immutable laws of Strictly are in fact fallable. Russell CAMS AHT, does a salsa to Dancing Queen, that’s right Dancing Queen, he is DANCING and a QUEEN and he is DANCING, as a DANCING QUEEN, to the song DANCING QUEEN! And that’s about 15% as much as the show signposts it. Again it’s exactly the same as last week, minus the clam but, per the judges, a whole 4 marks better because, as we all know, per Len, salsa’s not a real dance anyway.
Ahem. So, APART FROM THEM TWO FOR SOME REASON, it’s time for the transition between Latin and Ballroom and vice versa. As usual, it’s those making the transition from Ballroom to Latin who end up the least convincingly transformed. That’s just the way it is – nobody said nature was fair. Most wounded by the transition are probably Rory and Dan, both of whom made decent, if awkward, stabs at walzes, but come utterly unstuck when asked to waggle their hips. Rory decides to rile the last gasps of the Mavia Mafia by basically just redoing Matt Di Angelo’s salsa, to the same music, minus wiggle to Arlene and also, you know, being good at it. Dan on the other hand, decides to go direct to “bad wedding disco” dancing, not passing Go on the way. Worst of all, Katya has no hat, and has allowed Dan to commit the most heinous sartorial crime of them all. An UNDONE BOW TIE! WITH SPANGLES ON IT!
More flattering Ballroom to Latin transformations are undergone by Chelsee (still got balance issues, still out of control in all directions, still partnered with Pasha so I don’t care) and Audley (still pretty useless, still clumsy, still really sweet and enjoying himself without SCREAMING about it in a really OVER THE TOP fashion all the time). Hopefully they both survive, but Audley’s position as worst of the men looks awkward.
Ballroom on the other hand seems to work wonders for almost everyone who gets it. It pulls both of the Jordans partners up from their stolid awkward Latin performances into something far more elegant in both cases, albeit a little over-acted. Who needed to see Alex Jones snog John Prescott of a Saturday evening? I know I did not. Kristina also is transformed via a ballroom routine that seems to exist entirely in her head, where she is every 1930s vamp who ever broke a private eye’s balls. She’s never looked better, and Jason is also there. The only person really to be hamstrung in the Latin to Ballroom crossover is Harry, whose posture is poor, arms are stiff, and connection to his partner is non-existant.
All of this of course ignores the Strictly Old Dears, who are all this week messing up all over the place. Anita, after putting out a decent waltz last week, sadly collapses in a giant liquorice meringue Carmen Miranda confection with no idea what she’s doing, apart from gaying it up at the judges. Which seems to work, as they sub her a brace of 7s anyway. Bloody Lulu does some weird nonsense with a giant dirty mirror then sinks her claws into Brenda’s arms and doesn’t let go. But it’s Eggwina and Nancy who really stink the joint out, particularly with Alesha. The former wanders around slowly and vaguely and then won’t stop whittering to Vincent about nothing, causing Alesha to throw marvelous shade her way in the hope that it shuts her mouth. Nancy on the other hand…displays her vagina to the camera, allows Anton to hurl her around like a lawn dart, and just…wriggles. With her bum stuck out. It’s BIZARRE. Alesha full on loses her temper, asks Nancy if that was supposed to be funny, and pulls out her two paddle.
A 2! From Alesha! If ever there was an argument to keep Nancy around to see what might happen next, there it is.