Strictly Come Dancing 9 – Week 1 Performance (Pt 2) Summary

So remember how I said that if Jason was passable or better then he may well walk away with the show given the probably crossover between his fanbase and this show? Well…turns out that Jason is passable or better, so get ready for that. Sure his hips are thrown around like a cartoon hippo in a free-falling lift, his faces are terrifying, and he does a really off-putting fist pump at the end that he probably also does after sex, let’s face. But…passable or better, and the answer to the question “how would Kristina choreograph someone who is good?” is answered with “not all that bad, in a fairly straightforward sort of way”.

Speaking of which, guess who turns in a simple, straightforward, gimmick-free cha cha for her talented partner? That’s right, it’s Aliona! Sure it’s to that modern pop music (“Moos Like Jagger” by Adam Levine And His Maroon Five to be precise), but by Aliona standards it’s tasteful and well pitched to her slightly nervy, stiff, reserved partner. Naturally this means that it gets washed away as flavourless by everything that follows, meaning that…hey Aliona was probably right in the first place. TAKE THAT INTERNET! BRING BACK THE GLITTER-WELLIES AND THE SWING!

In terms of other choreography, Pasha makes a decent start, pushing out a well-conceived “Eliza Doolittle Becomes A Lady” vibed waltz that is sadly pitched slightly ahead of Chelsee’s current ability level. Although to be fair, that ability level is going to remain fairly static unless she learns how to deport herself in heels slightly better. I see an It Takes Two comedy montage in her immediate future, hopefully soundtracked with “Why Can’t A Woman Be More Like A Man?”. Erin also delivers to a degree, pulling out a standardly classy “Erin On Autopilot” Waltz to Weekend In New England, although she’s somewhat sabotaged by the fact that Rory’s lost control of all his impressions to such a degree that he’s wearing a manic Tony Blair insincerity face throughout. The voices! They’re out of control! He needs an exorcism! Or maybe… well, you know… James also guides Alex through an attempt to look sexy that is nice in theory, but not so much in practice, given that she appears to be trying to melt into his actual body like damp. He then gets into a big fight with Craig over something because, hey, nobody else has done it this week.

Less notable on the choreography front sadly are the gentlemen in charge of the Strictly Come Dancing OAP Ladies Wing, both of whom have turned up looking like The Cheeky Girls : 40 Years On (the women obviously). Vincent yanks Wiggy’s Jive choice for Gloria Hunniford and somehow contrives to make something worse. At least that was just boring, rather than a mincey swingaround that ends with Vincent spinning round on his arse and almost pulling Edwina over with him (he’s probably the wrong height). But the capo di tutti capi (CAUSE SHE’S ITALIAN INNIT!) of this week’s comedy nonsense is just what happens when Nancy takes to the floor.

Firstly she spends a good 30 seconds of the routine just sat on her arse on a chaise-lounge fanning herself. That’s it. Just when I think that’s all there is, she disembarks and gets attacked by her own feather boa, in the greatest act of wardrobe malfunction in Strictly history, rendering her all but completely immobile. This carries on for the whole routine, with her and Anton increasingly pissily trying to pick it, kick it, LAUNCH IT off her feet. It’s a wonderful, awful, compelling disaster, and gets a truly orgasmic 1 from Craig.

My phone bill is lucky that there’s no voting this week, because it was funnier than every Widdy dance combined.

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23 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing 9 – Week 1 Performance (Pt 2) Summary

  1. rodneyandsteptoe

    Thought that Alex underperformed (supposed to have lots of ballet training?), Chelsee was better than expected (might go far, very sweet) and Anton is totally pissed off already! Maybe Joe and Austin are waiting for him to break more walls…. 🙂

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I’d heard very bad things about Alex’s training footage, so I was pleasantly surprised she was only pretty bad.

      Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      It’s quite something to be given a duffer not because you just got someone good, but because you got someone ICONICALLY bad. Would be surprised if she’s not at least B2 if not first out. Can’t see Anton recovering that mess with a ZOLZA.

      Reply
      1. Jon78

        It’ll be the biggest test of the Anton fanbase yet. When’s the earliest he’s left? I’m going for Audley/Edwina B2 with Audley going.

      2. monkseal Post author

        He went out week 1 with Gillian Taylforth in Series 6. And she wasn’t even that off-putting.

  2. Left Feet

    Night two was way better then night one in quality. Holly Valance was OK in her cha cha but nothing to get excited about yet, Anita and Robin are a sweet couple and its nice to see somebody happy to be on the show. Big Russ did perform and was in time but that was about it.
    Night two thought Harry Mcfly was very good (when I saw the drum sticks I thought they may make an apperance but didn’t) nice one Aliona. Thought Craig was a bit harsh but their his marks he does not need to justify them to either Len or James Jordan (acting the arse again). Chelsee has perhaps the most potential of them all they are defientely going to go the Zoe Ball/Alesha Dixon route with her and Jason well his music background on stage helped him and while I don’t think he has got it in the bag (Austin Cough Cough) I do thake your point about his fanbase.
    Most ego crushing routines bloody Lulu and Nancy. Nancy worse then Widdy in her first week who would have thought it but it was shit even without the Boa probelm.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I think Chelsee just needs to work on her balance and she’ll be set. At least in terms of the quality of her performance. I don’t know if she mighr be a little bit too much of a rough diamond for an audience to go along with a “learning to be a “proper old fashioned lady” ” stuff the way they did with other women on the show.

      Reply
  3. jivingmissdaisy

    Nancy Dell’Olio…OAP? Surely not, as she keeps reminding everyone she has only just reached ’50’. Methinks the last one or two birthdays might have been dog years…even her Wikipedia entry prefixes her birthdate with ‘probably’ 🙂

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      But surely he has to do all the pro dances even if he is eliminated? How else will all those ghosts get busted?

      Reply
  4. Dancing cake

    I see Aliona now has custard built in to all her costumes in case she gets desperate – was a bit disappointed she didn’t suck the frill (as it were) of her dress tonight.
    Am I the only person in the whole wide world who just couldn’t see as much actual cha cha cha-ing from Jason as some of the others? Despite the fact that he’s wonderful, a showman, born entertainer, stopped Kristina from committing partner suicide etc etc yadda yadda? Or does it not matter any more and they can do whatever they like in the manner of Bloodylulu and still win?

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      It was a cha-cha, I was never going to enjoy it. He did seem to be just standing there for a lot of it.

      Reply
  5. Lucy

    To be honest, Erin attempting to exorcise Rory would still be less incongruous than Dummygate. Particularly if she did it to Tubular Bells on the Halloween show.

    Reply
  6. Robbie

    God, Rory’s Victorian-death-mask rictus was frightening! Classic Erin turd-polishing, though.

    I enjoyed the frenetic, dramatic stumblefest of Pasha and Chelseeeeee (and, Monkseal, I am totally with you on the Pasha crush – he is wicked hot, and sweet too).

    Why did Anton resort to a Widdy-style prop-wank in the first place? I thought it was clear from the 3.5 seconds of waltzing that the couple did that Nancy could actually kinda dance: did we need the sub-sub-‘Les Liaisons Dangereuses’ chaise-longue travesty? I would, however, blame the costume department for Boa-gate – with all that hazardous solipsism cluttering up the dancefloor, did they really need to add a rogue feather-snake for them to dodge? I was almost expecting a Mark and Karen mic-wires re-start, but considering her reputation, and her weirdly fluent-broken English, I thought Nancy was surprisingly gracious about it all.

    And Jason was waaay over-marked…. In no way was he better than Harry, Holly or Anita. And that ugly fist-pump at the end rather suggested that Jason himself (via his agent) insisted that he not only danced last, but was larded with the eye-rollingly “Er – what?!” nomenclature of ‘Star of Stage and Screen’. ‘Echo Beach’? Really??

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I thought Nancy showed a surprising facility for comedy on that chaise-longue. Completely irrelevant to the whole “dancing” thing of course but…isn’t most of it these days?

      Reply
  7. Poppy

    Is Jason this year’s Pamela, in that some people think he’s wonderful and fully deserving of 10s for every performance and others think he’s ridiculously overmarked and undertalented. If so, I’ll be in the opposite camp this year. Last year I was endlessly frustrated by the lavish praise thrown the way of Pamela when it was obvious to me that she was off time and barely managing to keep up, her limbs flailing in an uncontrolled and rather desperate mess (it still rankles), but I thought Jason’s routine was relatively well done and was relieved that finally, in a pretty mediocre show up to then, here was someone with a bit of flair, who seemed to be relaxed, enjoying himself, and vaguely proficient. I can see that much of that impression was because he knows how to give good face, but I do think he had dancing skill, his hip movement was far better than the other cha cha wannabes, and his arm placement was precise and slick. We shall have to wait and see how he progresses.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      To be fair, instead of Pamela you could easily say “anybody on this show who ever scored above about 32”.

      Reply

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