Strictly Come Dancing – The 2011 Pro Poll (The Results)

Of course they’re ALL Brucie’s favourites.

It’s time. After a month of voting and over 700 sets of votes cast, these are your results in the 2011 Strictly Come Dancing Pro-Poll. We’ll start with the three lowest and then, at a rate of 2 per day, we’ll count up through all 31 pros of Strictly history until we get our number 1, just in time for the main show to kick off this year. And we start, at number 31, with a pro that made Strictly History.

31. Kylie Jones

Kylie!

Average score : 2.95
Most Common Score : Don’t Know
Best Finish : Jason Wood – 8th

Most Don’t Knows
Fewest 6s
Fewest 7s
Fewest 8s
Fewest 9s
Fewest 10s
Lowest Female Pro
Lowest Series 1 Pro
Lowest One-Series Wonder

Oh Kylie. After 9 series finally the joke inherent in her casting has reached its fruition. Way back in Series 1 she was part of the first ever eliminated team – herself and relatively unknown comedian Jason Wood – put together pretty much for the joke of being called “Jason & Kylie”. (People being put together for the comedy of their names is a proud Strictly tradition, as Tess hooting “WINDSOR! QUEEN VIC! GET IT?!” to Anita & Robin shows all too well). And now, in Series 9, we’re getting the ACTUAL Jason. (We’re never getting the actual Kylie, let’s face it). Only held back from being the shortest lived pro ever by Hazel Newberry’s one dance stay, it’s a perhaps not a surprise that Kylie finds herself mostly forgotten, relegated to a Strictly footnote, and the bottom of this poll, and a bugger to find on Google Images as well.

30. Jared Murillo

JARED!

Average Score : 3.39
Most Common Score : 1
Best Finish : Tina O’Brien – 11th
Most 1s
Most 2s
Most 3s
Most 4s
Lowest S8 Pro
Lowest Male Pro

Oh Jarhead. I just don’t think the Brits really get the whole Mormon thing outside of maybe Donny Osmond. You came in to Series 8, shiny-faced, boy-band box-fresh, flanked by flatmates and Burn The Floor veterans Artem and Robin, and we stomped the crap out of you. “Not good enough”, “let Tina down”, “trying to be Brian Fortuna and failing”, “too inexperienced”, “looks like he’s about to drop Aliona on her head”, “probably gave Tina the pox”. It’s probably for the best that you fled back across the Atlantic after one series, never to return. Just do something nice, find a sweet young girl or four, settle down, maybe occasionally do the odd shuffle down at the Mormon disco, and leave reality shows to people with stronger constitutions.

29. Hayley Holt

HAYLEY!

Average Score : 3.50
Most Common Score : Don’t Know
Best Finish : Mark Foster – 11th
Lowest Series 6 Pro

Yes, the other One Series Wonder of recent times, Hayley Holt, finds herself out right on Jared’s heels. She’s another who is often blamed for ruining her celebs chances, but to be honest I’m even less sure of Mark “Stick-Insect On Acid” Foster’s natural ability than I was of Tiny Tina’s. Whatever she was throwing down the drain (certainly Mark himself complained post-series that he would have done better with anyone else), certainly it didn’t help that she seemed to turn up in a constant haze of “laid back” with a number of It Takes Two appearances being infamously stonerish. Maybe it’s best that she went back to her snowboards, and her… recreational habits, and dodging those scary women who occasionally land in my Google tray searching for “Hayley Holt bitch”.

28. Hazel Newberry

HAZEL!

Average Score : 3.57
Most Common Score : Don’t Know
Best Finish : Quentin Willson – 10th
Fewest 8s
Fewest 10s
Lowest Series 2 Pro

Is there any greater Strictly tragedy than that of Hazel Newberry? Hazel Newberry has an MBE for services to dance. She’s garlanded with both UK and International championships (admittedly this is from my perspective, where I presume it’s prestigious if it’s got “Ballroom” in the title). Up until 2009 she still competed in and regularly won major (probably) competitions. And yet her only dance for Strictly Come Dancing? Is the worst one in its history, according to the judges, and most of the public. Quentin Willson’s Cha-Cha, which the world never really wanted to see, and certainly not after it happened. Sometimes life just isn’t fair.

27. Paul Killick

KILLICK!

Average Score : 3.68
Most Common Score : Don’t Know
Best Finish: Verona Josephs – 6th

Paul Killick probably suffered from being a bad boy in a pre-pro scandal Strictly era. Way back in the fluffy early days, most of the pros were genial background presences, cute and mute and camera-awkward, happy to stay on the metaphorical sidelines and let their stars shine. The closest we got to the sort of Pro Persona we see these days was Julien granting the moniker of “Miss Whiplash” to Erin. This was all apart, of course, from Paul “Killer” Killick, pioneer of the pro-strop, the partner-berate, and inventor of the Vorderumba. These days this would all probably be a bonus, but way back when, it was enough to see him off, especially after Brendan decided he was going to make a break for the role of “bad boy” and was (sorry) better at it.

26. John Byrnes

BYRNES!

Average Score : 3.78
Most Common Score : Don’t Know
Best Finish : Claire Sweeney – 5th
Most Don’t Knows
Fewest 10s

Just as the most forgotten woman had the dubious distinction of being the first pro ever eliminated, so the most forgotten of the male pros has the dubious distinction of being the first pro to be officially WUZZROBBED. John Byrnes guided, in his 90s-US-boyband-handsome sort of way, Claire Sweeney, the first series ringer to a tragic mid-run elimination, beaten out by Kerplunk, Chris Parker, one of the most irritating women in Britain (LAAAAAAAAAAAA!), and the very first barely motile SPORTSMAN WARDROBE, despite being better than any of them. Possibly all of them combined. After that he was gone, done with this shit. And probably wisely so for his sanity. Look what being repeatedly WUZZROBBED mid-series has done for James Jordan’s marbles. Not pretty is it?

25. Izabela Hannah

HANNAH!

Average Score : 4.03
Most Common Score : Don’t Know
Best Finish : Dennis Taylor – 8th
Fewest 9s
Lowest Series 3 Pro

And so our plunge through the darker reaches of Strictly history continues, as we hit the first of our patch of barely remembered women with Hanna somewhere in their name. This one pulled Dennis Taylor almost all the way to halfway, which would seem like an even greater feat of strength if you didn’t remember that the public were going after female participants that year like some sort of deranged slasher movie villain. Even I remember absolutely nothing about her. If you’d have asked me before I went grubbing for pictures I would have told you she was a brunette. *shrug*

24. Andrew Cuerden
23. Hanna Haarala

CUERDEN! HAARALA!

Average Score : 4.18
Most Common Score : Don’t Know
Best Finish : Jaye Jacobs – 11th

Average Score : 4.58
Most Common Score : Don’t Know
Best Finish : Will Thorp – 7th

Strictly History is studded with memorable partnerships. The Bennetts, the Cutlers, the Jordans, the Cacace-Simomes. Pairings that have defined the show with their partnerships and pro-dances – feuding and divorced and break-ups and pug dog collections. And then you’ve got these two, who appeared for one series and then popped off again. To be fair, I don’t even know if they were shagging, but certainly that picture looks like some sort of sexy tension is going on. Hannah From S Club 7 here just about managed to outlast her Zorro-esque partner during their Series 3 stay, although they were both a little bit doomed when they were partnered with Holby/Casualty cast-members who, Tom Chambers aside, have never fared terribly well in the public vote. Who knows what could have been if they’d been subbed a ringer like the newbies usually are now?

22. Hanna Karttunen

KARTTUNEN!

Average Score : 4.82
Most Common Score : Don’t Know
Best Finish : Chris Parker – 2nd
Highest One-Series Wonder

I guess perspectives on Hanna K run one of two ways. Either she’s a miracle worker – the only Strictly pro ever to haul a joke contestant all the way to the final 2, a World Champion and feline beauty who was cut too soon from the show, whose periodic reappearances have only showed the show what it lost out on where it cast her adrift to the wind for a sequence of anonymous fembot pros each more fogettable than the last or…she’s that gimmicky one who looked a bit like a cat who benefitted disproportionately from the entirely random finishing order of Series 1, who then kept on repeating on the show with endless displays of cunniliftus, ultimately inspiring LISA SNOWDON’S SHOWDANCE. Either way she’s your ultimate favourite of all the show’s Forgotten Pros. Well done Hanna K.

21. Aliona Vilani

VILANI!

Average Score : 4.97
Most Common Score : 5
Best Finish : Matt Baker – 2nd
Lowest Current Cast Member
Lowest Series 7 Pro

It’s got to the stage that the backlash against Aliona Vilani has got so ill-tempered and so tossed off the wrist “oh she’s going to cost Harry Judd the entire series because she just IS” that in my more tender moments I feel like taking arms up on her behalf, tossing myself into the maelstrom like I did against the Natalie Lowe HATAHS post-Series 7 who couldn’t see that, under that wolfish death-grin and triumphant strangulated squawk every time she scored above a 7 lurked a heart of gold. Except I can’t, really, because she’s just…not to my taste. I do hope that in Series 9 she does an Ola, turns me around, shows a personality other than yelling “IBBLE BIBBLE CUSTARD!” and choreographs a modern Strictly Masterpiece. Stranger things have happened. Like the shade they’ve forced on her for a hair-do because they CAN’T HAVE TOO MANY BLONDES.

20. Anton du Beke

DU BEKE!

Average Score : 5.18
Most Common Scores : 5 and 7
Best Finish : Lesley Garrett – 3rd

Fresh off the back of a thoroughly indifferent jaunt with ol’ Lay-By Taylofrth, the last two series have seen a definite realignment in the long and storied history of Anton du Beke on Strictly. First, Anton endured his most controversial series yet, with Laila’s injuries, and jaunts to Morocco, and the incident with THAT WORD which we don’t talk about, his worst crop of Latin routines yet and an eventual, rather bizarre, 4th place finish. Then came his most controversial series yet… AGAIN, in consort with The Widdinator with high-wire acts and canary dresses and canes and Titanic and…who even knows? All this has caused Anton to transcend to another plane of existence, where he is not like other pros. He is a different receptacle altogether. In recognition of this fact, he’s got probably the most even spread of scores of any of the pros, running right from 10s down to 1s. Even after 8 series, it seems no-one really know what quite to think of Anton. May Nancy bring him a less turbul…yeah right.

19. Brian Fortuna

OH FORTUNA!

Average Score : 5.58
Most Common Score : 8
Best Finish : Ali Bastian – 3rd

How ironic that the Original American Pro is the one whose scores most accurately coincide with the idea of Marmite. More 1s than anyone other than Hayley or Jared, and yet enough high scores to propel him way above those one-series shut-outs, it seems that Brian has both lovahs and hatahs in equal measure, which perhaps was as well to balance out the bland, some would even say “normal” personality of his most lauded partner (and sometime squeeze), Hollyoaks’ Ali Bastian. In his short run on the longest series of Strictly, Brian gained a reputation for driving his partners hard, having a weird bickery, quasi-sexual relationship with Craig, and…well, those eyebrows. It would have taken a manly man indeed to follow in those footsteps, and instead we got Jared’s wispy boy-fluff. SIGH.

TOP TWENTY SERIES RANKING SIDEBAR

One third of the way through (ish), I thought it’d be nice to take a break and decide, once and for all, based on your votes, which was the greatest cohort of Strictly pros. When all the votes given for all the pros in it are combined, the 7 separate professional casts of Strictly rate as follows :

1st. Series 4 and 5
2nd. Series 7
3rd. Series 3
4th. Series 6
5th. Series 2
6th. Series 8
7th. Series 1

So there we are! Pretty much what you’d expect from a bunch of online crusty thoopa-fans, with the golden years of Series 4 and 5’s pros being most highly regarded, probably because of the high degree of consistency in there. There’s not a pro in there without at least three series service total under their belts. It seems when it comes to casts, you lot like the same old faces over and over again. Whaddabunchastickinthamuds.

18. Nicole Cutler

CUTLER!

Average Score : 5.60
Most Common Score : 6
Best Finish : John Barnes – 7th

Nicole Cutler’s an odd one, and not just her face (HO HO HO). She exists in a kind of weird hinterland between highly respected professional dancer (she is after all, dead good, and on top of that, a Cutler) and One Series Wonder. She was around for a while (three series of while), but never really had anybody good or even very memorable. In fact, she had in Diarmuid Gavin, possibly the worst contestant in Strictly history, being as he was the Fiona Phillips/Kate Garraway/Joe Calzaghe of his series, but so forgettable that nobody ever really remembers how bad he was (and oh lord, he was bad). Her run with ENGLUND LEGUND John Barnes was her longest, and even that was notable for setting a record for “Most Bottom 2 Appearance by anyone who ever scored a 10”. Her most lasting stab at Strictly glory is sadly probably inadvertently giving birth to “Doddery I am…NOT!”. What a legacy.

17. Robin Windsor

WINDSOR!

Average Score : 5.62
Most Common Score : 5
Best Finish : Patsy Kensit – 7th
Most 5s

Well here’s Robin Windsor, most thoroughly embodying the spirit of averageness amongst the Strictly pros. Most 5s, best finish halfway up the competition, a solidly middle-of-the-road start for Robin, helping a middle-aged woman with her BLESSED NERVES by dressing her up as Kylie/Dusty/Boobarella for a couple of months. As such, he is very much a big wet lump of Strictly clay, ready to be moulded into a clearer picture in the pro-polls of years to come. If I can be bothered…

16. Brendan Cole

COLE!

Average Score : 6
Most Common Score : 7
Best Finish : Natasha Kaplinsky – Winner
Most 6s
Most 7s
Lowest Winner

I may have mentioned this, quite defensively, every time his name comes up on this blog, but I am a bit of a Brenda fan. He’s just brought so much to the show. Girl-Paso, Vampire-Choreo (TO EVANESCENCE!), Time-Warp, Snowdance, Her from Emmerdale doing a lapdance, the patented Brenda STORM-OFF, the palpable sense of looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooathing between him and Manners, the greatest American Smooth ever, Jo Wood wandering around a pub carpark in the middle of a Duffy video having an existential crisis, Fiona Phillips being utterly humiliated forever, and all those times he appeared on It Takes Two pipping “I’M STRAIGHT!” in the same tone a 7 year old says “I’M A COWBOY!”. But even I, seeing his Radio Times picture, Lulu grinding him beneath her heel of contrivance, have to admit, it’s getting a bit…done now.

15. Camilla Dallerup

DALLERUP!

Average Score : 6.15
Most Common Score : 6
Best Finish : Tom Chambers – Winner

Whilst Brendan might have a multitude of storylines all culminating in a general vibe, Camilla has a very definite through-line throughout her stay. Basically, the show felt bad for shafting her with Dickinson whilst Brenda through their love on the trash-heap for Kerplunk, so they gifted her with a series of ever-more-inappropriate Blind Dates with every passing series, not realising that what Camilla had wanted that Brendan got wasn’t a new frot-partner, it was the glitterball. Then she got it, and pissed off with it, to the arms of Him From Hollyoaks, who was probably about famous enough in *that period* to get on Strictly anyway. Ah Camilla. The bonkers Afghan with the Vibro-knickers. More interesting in theory than in practice.

14. Kristina Rihanoff

RIHANOFF!

Average Score : 6.24
Most Common Score : 7
Best Finish : John Sergeant – 7th
Highest Series 6 Pro

Sliding in just underneath the average bar (average score for all pros being 6.239 to Kristina’s 6.235), it’s Strictly Come Dancing’s very own Lot/Jonah/Some Other Biblical Figure Who Just Existed To Get Shat On. First Kristina’s role as exotic foreign one-week nurse-maid went horribly wrong, blowing out from a Jimmy Tarbuck or an Esther Rantzen to nightmarish byzantine proportions that she was clearly unprepared for. Then the pre-series favourite turned out to be an utter dud. Then what must have seemed like a hope for a decent Ricky Groves’ish mid-series stay blew up in her face in week 1. Maybe this time Kristina will turn out to have a champion, or at least finallist, in the making but well…it wouldn’t be Kristina Rihanoff unless it went horribly wrong somehow right?

13. James Jordan

JORDAN!

Average Score : 6.54
Most Common Score : 8
Best Finish : Pamela Stevenson – 3rd
Lowest Series 4 Pro
Fewest “Don’t Know”s

It comes as no surprise that James is one the three pros that nobody wussed out on having an opinion on (the other two come later). As an anti-James’er from his inception, it’s been a long slow road to acceptance after he told that Georgina Thingy to stick her Mars Bar up her arse. Or whatever happened. There was one point around Series 6 where I couldn’t really see a point to either of the Jordans. But then I slowly came around. Firstly by watching him calm down, and gently guide Zoe Lucker to his usual disappointing mid-series berth, and then not losing his shit over it for once. And then participating in the glorious extravaganza of nonsense that was Pamela’s run on the programme. There are still things I’d change (the over-egged fauxmosexuality for one. And two. And three), but I enter this series more positive towards James than ever before. Now watch him ruin it all.

12. Darren Bennett

BENNETT!

Average Score : 6.73
Most Common Score : 7
Best Finish : Jill Halfpenny – Winner

That that’s the best picture I could find of Darren in the last few series probably goes some way to explaining why his star has waned to this degree. Admittedly I didn’t look that hard. And I couldn’t even consider the ones from the Dance Troupe because…well they’re just too painful to look at. But this is DARREN BENNETT DAMNIT! The partner of the greatest Strictly Champion of ALL TIME (or at least one of the best eight), and he can’t even make it into the top 10 these days? Poor Wiggy. Admittedly he was always probably the lesser Bennett in the public’s eyes, with Lilia always being the more savvy of the two, but I guess it’s really a sign that we’re in the new Strictly era when Darren isn’t getting the love. Oh brave new world, what hath thou wrought?

11. Vincent Simone

SIMONE!

Average Score : 6.93
Most Common Score : 8
Best Finish : Rachel Stevens – 2nd
Fewest Don’t Knows

Vinthent on the other hand surely doesn’t have to worry about his star waning just yet? Given the most glam of the elderly set (Felicity, La Beacham), the most dancetastic of the lady-midgets (Louisa Lytton, Rachel Stevens) and the most THOOPA of the THOOPAFANS in Natalie Cassidy, it at least seems like some effort is going into giving him high-profile partnerships. I mean, it’s not as thought they’re palming him off on the Sports Guy From Daybreak or Identikit Soap Star #24 is it? And yet, with the arrival of Eggwina, I can see a change in his fortunes. Does anyone really want to take part in a partnership that’s basically a Happy Shopper Widdy. The panic is mostly currently within Flavia fans, but maybe the Vincent fans shouldn’t get too comfortable.

10. Karen Hardy

HARDY HAR HAR!

Average Score : 7
Most Common Score : 8
Best Finish : Mark Ramprakash – Winner

When I first put the result together in a great big Excel spreadsheet (try to look surprised) I was mildly taken aback that she’d made it this high, because I thought she was more Marmitey than this. There’s still an element of divisiveness in her raw scores (she’s got more 10s than anybody else outside the top 5), but she’s held up remarkably well compared to, say, Brian or Darren. But then I thought about it, and found it easier to understand when I consider my own position, which is that I both love and can’t stand Karen, often in the same thought. Ebullient, loud, competitive, catty, honest to to a fault, and with a ruthlessly efficient eye for the public taste, I’m glad to hear that Karen’s duties this year will mostly revolve around the red button, wherein I can turn her off and on again at will, hopefully in the middle of saying something gloriously indiscreet about Kristina’s choreography and how much better she’d do if she was still a pro.

9. Katya Virshilas

VIRSHILAS!

Average Score : 7.12
Most Common Score : 8
Best Finish : Gavin Henson – 5th

Speaking of surprising results, I was talking about the pro countdown to someone on twitter the other day, and mentioned that there was, at this stage, only one result I was surprised by, and I will now admit that it was this one. That Katya Virshilas, new pro with a decent but not LEGENDARY record (except possibly in hats) breaks into the top 10 ahead of four champions and the partner of the Rachbot. How did she do it? (answers should not draw explicit reference to the hats, as this much is obvious). Maybe it’s her nurturing and understanding spirit towards her less than gifted partners? Who can forget when she forced Gavbot to kiss a man for votes? Or when she javellined a pen at Phil Tuffnall’s face? Maybe it’s her skillful, tasteful, and subtle choreography? Whatever it is, you apparently love her, and, well so do I. Huzzah.

TOP TEN IMAGINARY ALL-STARS SIDEBAR!

Now that we know our top 7 men and top 7 women, in terms of pros, it’s to imagine an imaginary All-Stars. Putting each pro with their best finishing celebrity, this is what we get :

Artem Chigvintsev & Kara Tointon
Brendan Cole & Kerplunk
Darren Bennett & Jill Halfpenny
Ian Waite & Denise Lewis
James Jordan & Pamela Stevenson
Matthew Cutler & Alesha Dixon
Vincent Simone & Rachel Stevens

Erin Boag & Colin Jackson
Flavia Cacace & Matt Di Angelo
Karen Hardy & Mark Ramprakash
Katya Virshilas & Gavin Henson
Lilia Kopylova & Darren Gough
Natalie Lowe & Ricky Whittle
Ola Jordan & Chris Hollins

I’m not doing this for any particular reason. Just the prospect.

8. Natalie Lowe

LOWE!

Average Score : 7.13
Most Common Score : 9
Best Finish : Ricky Whittle – 2nd
Highest Series 7 Pro

That Imaginary All-Stars incidentally was definitely not to camouflage the fact that that right there is the narrowest margin of difference in the entire poll, and Natalie was almost leap-frogged by Katya down into 9th place. Definitely not. Look, I’m saying it now. See? Anyway, Natalie’s under the door slide into the Elite Eight is surely a triumph of the will. Truth be told, she was as high as 4th in some early previews of the results (yes, I did constantly check the scores as they went on. I’m a nerd), but then OUTSIDERS who DON’T UNDERSTAND OUR WAYS got into the blog and down the list she sailed. Because Natalie Lowe is an acquired taste, and one which I like to think the regular readers of this blog are most attuned to, with her hyper-competitiveness and hyper-emotionality and hyper-faceness. I certainly am. Truly she is the balut of Strictly Come Dancing and may we all congratulate ourselves heartily and smuggly on our refined tastes.

7. Ola Jordan

JORDAN!

Average Score : 7.32
Most Common Score : 8
Best Finish : Chris Hollins – Winner

Yes, just like in Series 7, Ola just pips Natalie Lowe to the post, and takes the role of 7th best. In that case “winner of the 7th best series” (at the time or now, depending on your position on the existence or otherwise of Series 1), here “7th best pro”. Mrs Jordan, Ola-Chops, and other names that don’t make me throw up a little in my mouth, Ola is a long time shephereder of the mediocre to palatability. After the “Spoony Incident” and the race-riots that followed, she somehow pulled Kenny Logan to 5th, and a level of respectability that never gets him mentioned in those baffled lists of “how did THAT fecker get THAT far?” when he really should be. Then she got Andrew Castle who will forever in my head only associated with the phrase “THAT was worse than ANDREW CASTLE wozz it?” by Len. Then came Chris who won by sheer force of personality. Then the millionaire Paul Daniels. And now Robbie Savage who doesn’t exactly look like Danny Tidwell. Actually… sod Kristina, when’s OLA getting a contender?

6. Flavia Cacace

CACACE!

Average Score : 7.47
Most Common Score : 8
Best Finish : Matt Di Angelo – 2nd
Fewest 3s
Most 8s
Highest Series 4 Pro

Yes, the Mavia Mafia’s grasp is weakened, as they have been surpassed by the fans newer, shinier, less “now broken up” romances. Which leaves Flavia as bronze medallist of all the girl pros, which is no mean feet given that she’s by far the quietest female pro. I think in her 5 series on the show she may well have fewer bratcasted words on record than Erin managed in that one VT where Zoe Ball got a 10 and Erin Boag thought she REALLY SHOULDN’T HAVE. But in a way, it’s her demure, bashful, “always willing to let Anton take the lead and trample all over it in Choreography Corner” nature that makes her stand out. Especially when the blue moon rises and she unleashes her tango or gets swung around by the vagina or whatever freak she wants to unleash at that particular moment. A woman of contrasts indeed.

5. Lilia Kopylova

DUNWOODY!

Average Score : 7.57
Most Common Score : 9
Best Finish : Darren Gough – Winner
Fewest 3s

I almost feel too scared to say anything too nice about Lilia Kopylova, since my last campaign on her behalf : BENNETT DOMINATION 2010!!! ended in erm…relative ignominy. To say the least. Although she did at least avoid the Dance Troupe debacle. But I’ll try. If a chimney falls on her, then don’t blame me. Really, does any female pro inspire such terrifying devotion amongst their accolytes as Lilia did at the very height of LILIAMANIA? Aled Jones, Darren Gough, Matt Dawson. In that triumverate Lilia found near-invincibility and a whole legion of stalkers headed up by Marian Keyes. If her legacy was later tarnished by Dominic Littlewood being Satan, and Don Warrington being robbed, one only has to think back to those three years, and how it seemed possible that Lilia could win every single series. Even of Big Brother or X Factor or things she wasn’t even on.

4. Erin Boag

BOAG!

Average Score : 7.61
Most Common Score : 8
Best Finish : Colin Jackson – 2nd
Fewest 1s
Fewest 2s
Fewest Don’t Knows
Highest Series 1 Pro
Highest Female Pro

The Vagina Party is over. And top Vagina is, as ever, the fabulous, sartorially challenged Erin Boag. Really, Strictly is all about the journey and has anyone been on a greater Strictly journey than Erin? Remember how she looked in the beginning? Skin the colour of mahogany and hair the colour of that evil alien substance that possessed people in The X Files. But slowly she softened, and blossomed, and became more gentle, and a more forgiving teacher, and less controversially bitchy persence. Her hair went blonde, her skin peachier, her boobs…boobier. And then that Austin Healey thing happened and she just went bonkers. What’s left now, wisecracking and dry-humping her precious machine is so different from what begun. Truly she has EVOLVED. Hopefully the next DECADE OF ERIN will see her emerge from her chyrsilas a new, evolved, terrifying Erin. I feel her transformation into Erin 2.0 is almost complete. STRIKE A POSE! BOAG!

3. Artem Chigvintsev

CHIGVINGTHING!

Average Score : 7.83
Most Common Score : 10
Best Finish : Kara Tointon – Winner
Highest Current Cast Member
Highest Series 8 Pro

What an impact. First newbie winner since Darren Bennett. First Winner in a romance since Brenda (unless you count those Matthew & Alesha fans who shipped them, and there were a frankly baffling number of them). Biggest Woobie ever to lift the trophy. Quite fit. Artem and Kara cut a swathe through Series 8 with their melodrama, romance, and tight pants. Enough for Artem to reach 3rd place in this poll on the back of it. Next up : Holly Valance. We shall see.

2. Matthew Cutler

CUTLER! AGAIN!

Average Score : 8.01
Most Common Score : 9
Best Finish : Alesha Dixon – Winner
Fewest 2s
Fewest 4s
Highest Winner
Highest Series 3 Pro

Oh Matthew. So near and yet so far. After a stuttering beginning in Series 3 with Siobhan Hayes, Matthew Cutler’s ascent to stardom via Carol Smillie and Alesha Dixon, then back down again via Christine Blankley and Martina Hingis, into the oblivion of choreographing gimpy zombie pasos then sodding off entirely was as meteoric and dramatic as Matthew himself was quiet, classy and understated. And well, a bit wet, but he’s finished second, so let’s not dwell. Other pros bobbled and peaked and troughed and festered and freshened over years and years (and in the case of Erin, decades, eternally, into the past, like the Strictly Ancient Mariner) on the show, but Matthew came, conquered, and then burnt out as quickly as he came. Also he (presumably) paid for Nicole Cutler’s Infamous Divorce Boobs, which some would say was a greater contribution to the show’s run still.

1. Ian Waite

WAITE!

Average Score : 8.49
Most Common Score : 9 and 10
Best Finish : Denise Lewis – 2nd
Most 9s
Most 10s
Fewest 3s
Fewest 4s
Fewest 5s
Highest Series 2 Pro
Highest Male Pro

Oh, I always knew I was a taste maker. SPOILERS : Ian Waite is totally my favourite pro ever as well. I feel in such good company. Statuesque brittle ROBBED diva Denise, endearingly scrappy gawky try-hard Zoe, galumphing giggling breast-producing Jodie, fiercemazing tranny pirate hooker from the future with a QUESTION whose departure scuppered Series 7 once and for all, yes it did Jade. Even the lesser partnerships of flaily ridiculous Penny and galumphing first-boob Mica. I loved them all. Partly because I always loved me a tall girl, and also partly because Ian never failed to bring out the romantic, the dramatic, and yes, the gaymazing in every partnership he was part of. The greatest EVER PRO IN STRICTLY EVER EVER (this year) (says you) – Ian Waite.

0. Pasha Kovalev

PASHA!

JUST YOU WAIT!

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152 thoughts on “Strictly Come Dancing – The 2011 Pro Poll (The Results)

  1. BuddyBontheNet

    Okay, Matt didn’t win so I am keeping my top on (whew!), but I am happy for Ian to win! I do miss him and hope the rumour that he has rearranged his Wednesday night dance classes because of a long term commitment to the BBC is true and we will see him on ITT with Zoe! 😉

    Fantastic job Monkseal and great fun – thank you very much! {{{HUGS}}}

    Reply
    1. Allgrownup

      But he persevered and is a WINNER now! Yay for Sir Ian of Waite.

      Thanks very much Monkseal, it has been an enjoyable ride. Roll on series 9!

      Reply
  2. JillyBoyd

    IAN! My favorite pro in the history of Strictly that is not Lilia or Erin.

    Patience, my dear Monkseal. Pasha’s time will come. He is THAT awesome.

    Also, Nicole’s divorce boobs? Wow, I clearly didn’t pay enough attention to her. At all. Ever. Who’s Nicole?

    Reply
    1. Poppy

      Nicole Cutler, the former Mrs Matthew Cutler. Must say I didn’t notice her divorce boobs either. Must now go and rootle on YouTube.

      Reply
      1. monkseal Post author

        In my memory they very definitely got bigger, but that may just have been increasing skimpiness of costumes exposing them more often.

  3. Poppy

    So pleased that Ian won, he and Matthew were two of my favourites, and I actually had a rather racy dream about Ian once. Sadly though, I was trying to work out who had won last night, and it took me several minutes to remember they were the ones that were missing from the lineup. Oh Ian, so recently gone, so soon supplanted (by Artem). But you are King forever now.

    Reply

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