The Apprentice 7 – Week 2 Summary

The Apprentice crash-lands into the 21st Century this week, as we see the most bizarre Apprentice sight of them all : the candidates using a laptop. Don’t get used to it, I can’t imagine we’ll see it ever again. Indeed, technology is the theme this week, as the task is to design and then distribute something called an “app”. I don’t have a Smartphone, so I don’t really know what an app is, but on the basis of this episode it’s where Crazy Frog went to die. Whoever does the “app” that gets “downloaded” the most wins the task. I hate when technology outstrips me to quite the degree it did in this episode, but there we go. I’m happy with my Nokia and my Gamecube and my clock-radio and my Penny Farthing.

Project Manager for Logic is Leon because he’s the closest thing to a young person they have, after possibly my favourite round of “let’s pretend I want to be Project Manager even though I know it’s never going to happen ever” ever which is all occurring as a result of last episode’s Gavin-baiting in the Boardroom. Hilariously, Alex is too dumb to join in, and this (SPOILERS) is why he’s ultimately fired, and then Kaen Brady is on You’re Fired claiming the show isn’t about tactics when THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THIS WAS. Edna is Venture Project Manager for God only knows what reason. Things that float to the top sooner rather than later probably.

Venture’s app, which is created by pretty much solely Felicity stomping around the street asking the public to show us the stupidest thing on their iPhone, is a thing that makes stupid noises. Susan has another idea, possibly, but she articulates it like she’s reading something that’s been translated back and forth through Babelfish seventy times before Edna tells her to shut up, and then she won’t stop, and acts all affronted that Edna won’t let her sit there spewing words for the entire pitching meeting, WARRABITCH. Logic’s app is something that makes stupid noises in a variety of regional accents, decided by Glenn, who has landed on this via the medium of being really effing touchy about how everyone jokes about his accent.

Once the apps are out in the world, it’s Vinnie Disney and Evil Edna grabbing the mantle of “bad pitching” with the former hemming and hawwing and swivelling his hips around to no particular end, and the latter stalking around in stage in front of a room full of confused geeks as some sort of bizarre cross between a one-episode villain from Sarah Jane Adventures, latter-day Rihanna and Tom Cruise’s character from Magnolia, barking about her secret in elbow length leather gloves. Brilliantly Melody is the first person in the whole show to point out to Edna just how fundamentally useless she is as a result, which means I now actually like Melody. What a turnaround.

In the end, Venture win by a huge margin, because people around the world are more interested in random noises not in English regional accents than random noises in English regional accents (what an exciting business lesson). They get to meet Michel Roux Jr as a result, which would be the best treat ever if Monica Galetti were there, but she isn’t so it is only the second best treat ever. Meanwhile the Boys second Boardroom in a row descends into pure farce, as Leon wants to bring in Alex (because he’s pointless) and Jim (for writing awful advertising copy and getting sidetracked into pointless racewank issues during a pitch) at first. But then Jim pulls a face or something, and Leon decides to bring in Glenn instead for coming up with the stupid idea of annoying noises in regional accents. In the end, Alex is fired because of…well, what I already mentioned, but also Kaen is REALLY not over how he sliced up that bread “last week”.

Kind of a dumb episode all told if I’m honest, jam-packed with people laughing at themselves over things that aren’t funny, enlivened mostly by Edna’s Bizarre Ministrations. Recaps for both of this week’s episodes will be up by the weekend.

Oh and Zoe? Still not a word.


19 thoughts on “The Apprentice 7 – Week 2 Summary

  1. Victoria

    Despair. I pulled Zoe in the sweepstake, and already know I will not be getting a Lord Sugar teatowel to match my fridge magnet from last season.

    1. monkseal Post author

      It’s odd, because Edna’s decisions weren’t actually that bad at their core (getting market research, choosing Melody to pitch to Proper Websites whilst she entertained one room of bored geeks), but her managerial style is so awful and off-putting and insulting that you’d never hire her because everyone would be quitting within seconds.

  2. Ferny

    Before this series started I marked my 1st, 2nd and 3rd place candidates based purely on their photo and description in the newspaper. I put Ed Hunter as my winner. I take that as a sign about what a disaster this series could be.

    However, I still have hope for sweet Mr Tom and Natasha (who managed to annoy me with barely 5 words.)

    And the editing person should be fired by editing in the least subtle way possible in order to make awkward silences everywhere. Psh. If it weren’t for Edna’s gloves I would have been quite bored.

    1. monkseal Post author

      Natasha has moved from “series-long villain” to “one-episode Paul Callaghan style flame out” on my prediction chart. We shall see.

    1. monkseal Post author

      She talked in this episode, and I missed it! She says one sentence in a pitch. So if you have a sweepstake – 23:56 into episode 2.

  3. Rah

    I thought Edna sounded like one of those growly American Evangelist preachers, who mark every pause with an ‘AH’ on the end of the last word, but the Tom Cruise comparison is much more accurate and terrifying. I don’t even think I want her to go, she is just so gloriously vile. I find it hard to look at her in the eye even through the tv screen.

  4. missfrankiecat

    Interesting that the boys are being decimated at the moment given I’m pretty sure that Lord Suggs won’t be gagging to enter into any sort of partnership with a woman, especially of child-bearing age!

    1. monkseal Post author

      Chris Bates slagging on Edna for pitching in a slow, monotone and awkward way ❤
      Chris Bates slagging on Jim as an excuse to obliquely whinge about how Stella slagged him off in the final boardroom ❤
      Chris Bates clearly seeing himself in Melody and making excuses for her and attributing things to her she didn't even do ❤
      Chris Bates confusing loath for loathe (both words awesome, but in very different ways) </3

  5. PadsterMo

    I was a bit disappointed in this episode (apart from Edna on stage). So disappointed, in fact, that the main thing I remember is that I like/want Gavin’s glasses. Also, I miss NotFrances. NotNotFrances sounds bored.

    Plus, no curse of KAEN this week (episode? So confusing this 2-shows-1-week business)!


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