The Apprentice crash-lands into the 21st Century this week, as we see the most bizarre Apprentice sight of them all : the candidates using a laptop. Don’t get used to it, I can’t imagine we’ll see it ever again. Indeed, technology is the theme this week, as the task is to design and then distribute something called an “app”. I don’t have a Smartphone, so I don’t really know what an app is, but on the basis of this episode it’s where Crazy Frog went to die. Whoever does the “app” that gets “downloaded” the most wins the task. I hate when technology outstrips me to quite the degree it did in this episode, but there we go. I’m happy with my Nokia and my Gamecube and my clock-radio and my Penny Farthing.
Project Manager for Logic is Leon because he’s the closest thing to a young person they have, after possibly my favourite round of “let’s pretend I want to be Project Manager even though I know it’s never going to happen ever” ever which is all occurring as a result of last episode’s Gavin-baiting in the Boardroom. Hilariously, Alex is too dumb to join in, and this (SPOILERS) is why he’s ultimately fired, and then Kaen Brady is on You’re Fired claiming the show isn’t about tactics when THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THIS WAS. Edna is Venture Project Manager for God only knows what reason. Things that float to the top sooner rather than later probably.
Venture’s app, which is created by pretty much solely Felicity stomping around the street asking the public to show us the stupidest thing on their iPhone, is a thing that makes stupid noises. Susan has another idea, possibly, but she articulates it like she’s reading something that’s been translated back and forth through Babelfish seventy times before Edna tells her to shut up, and then she won’t stop, and acts all affronted that Edna won’t let her sit there spewing words for the entire pitching meeting, WARRABITCH. Logic’s app is something that makes stupid noises in a variety of regional accents, decided by Glenn, who has landed on this via the medium of being really effing touchy about how everyone jokes about his accent.
Once the apps are out in the world, it’s Vinnie Disney and Evil Edna grabbing the mantle of “bad pitching” with the former hemming and hawwing and swivelling his hips around to no particular end, and the latter stalking around in stage in front of a room full of confused geeks as some sort of bizarre cross between a one-episode villain from Sarah Jane Adventures, latter-day Rihanna and Tom Cruise’s character from Magnolia, barking about her secret in elbow length leather gloves. Brilliantly Melody is the first person in the whole show to point out to Edna just how fundamentally useless she is as a result, which means I now actually like Melody. What a turnaround.
In the end, Venture win by a huge margin, because people around the world are more interested in random noises not in English regional accents than random noises in English regional accents (what an exciting business lesson). They get to meet Michel Roux Jr as a result, which would be the best treat ever if Monica Galetti were there, but she isn’t so it is only the second best treat ever. Meanwhile the Boys second Boardroom in a row descends into pure farce, as Leon wants to bring in Alex (because he’s pointless) and Jim (for writing awful advertising copy and getting sidetracked into pointless racewank issues during a pitch) at first. But then Jim pulls a face or something, and Leon decides to bring in Glenn instead for coming up with the stupid idea of annoying noises in regional accents. In the end, Alex is fired because of…well, what I already mentioned, but also Kaen is REALLY not over how he sliced up that bread “last week”.
Kind of a dumb episode all told if I’m honest, jam-packed with people laughing at themselves over things that aren’t funny, enlivened mostly by Edna’s Bizarre Ministrations. Recaps for both of this week’s episodes will be up by the weekend.
Oh and Zoe? Still not a word.