Dancing On Ice Monkies

It’s actually a fairly even spread. But that’s enough about Matt’s arse…

Best Judge :

Oh...what's this? OH YEAH, IT'S MAH CREDENTIALS BEE-YOTCH!

yes, with a goodly 77% of the vote, it is Brave Sir Robin of Cousins. Does he actually have a cousin? If so…couldn’t hurt to replace Bunton with him/her/it.

  • 2nd – Jason Gardiner : 18%
  • 3rd – Emma Bunton : 5%

Best Host :

Phillip noticed that Holly was sounding more intelligent than usual this evening.

Or more specifically the voice in his ear that tells him the results/to burn things. 65% of you rooted for the shouty one.

  • 2nd – Holly Willoughby : 31%
  • 3rd – Colleen Nolan : 5%

Best Torvill or Dean

WRONG!

Sorry 71% of you, you are incorrect. The acceptable answer was “both Torvill & Dean are marvellous, and this is the best reality show I’ve ever been to.” You have been eliminated in a skate-off with Jenny Powell.

  • 2nd – Christopher Dean : 29%

Most Bullshit Elimination

Stylin'

With 39% of all votes coming in for that one out of Hollyoaks. What proportion of those votes was in fact for Sylvain I cannot say.

  • 2nd – Vanilla Ice : 30%
  • 3rd – Laura Hamilton : 8%
  • 4th – Nadia Sawalha : 4%

Best Celebrity – Personality

Word To Your Mother!

Ah my readers. Forever at odds with the general public. The UK masses may have topped him out at around 4% of their vote, but you looked deeper and saw the voice within. And that’s why you’re all very special. 30% of you at least.

  • 2nd – Laura Hamilton : 25%
  • 3rd – Chloe Madeley : 11%
  • 4th – Johnson Beharry VC : 7%

Best Celebrity – Talent

Jenny Douglas you could STILL be...oh wait.

It was close, but right at the very edge of the wire, Sam Attwater’s inherent…Sam Attwaterness probably caused him to get pipped (and not by Briannetosaurus for once), gifting Laura the title with 42% of your votes.

  • 2nd – Sam Attwater : 41%
  • 3rd – Chloe Madeley : 8%
  • 4th – Vanilla Ice : 6%

Worst Celebrity – Personality

ME? LOSE A POPULARITY CONTEST? BUT THAT'S UNPOSSIBLE!

Poor Kerry. If she’s looking for an audience for her next show on ITV2, she’s probably not found it here, as 26% of picked her out of even this sorry bunch as being unbearable.

  • 2nd – Elen Rivas : 18%
  • 3rd – Jeff Brazier : 14%
  • 4th – Sam Attwater : 14%

Worst Celebrity – Talent

It was never going to end well was it?

Poor Nina. Not much of a debut year for her was it? Maybe next year? Ah what am I saying. She’s going right into the mincer with at least 7 of the others. Total two-horse race here – Steven got 37% followed by :

  • 2nd – Kerry Katona : 35%
  • 3rd – Johnson Beharry VC : 5%
  • 4th – Elen Rivas : 4%

King Of All Pros :

Oh hai...

And, you know, the rest of him. Matt Evers stood strong over the field, with 34% of the vote.

  • 2nd – Colin Ratushniak : 23%
  • 3rd – Sylvain Longchambon : 19%
  • 4th – Michael Zenezini : 11%

Queen of All Pros

...on the right.

PIXIE WITCH! With a glorious 45% of the vote. When will that trophy be hers?

  • 2nd – Katie Stainsby : 15%
  • 3rd – Brianne Delcourt : 10%
  • 4th – Maria Fillipov : 10%

Best Routine Of The Series

DING DING DINGA DING DING

The 90s Nostalgia bandwagon rumbles ever onwards… 16% of all votes went this a-way.

  • 2nd – Laura Hamilton (You Can’t Stop The Beat) : 13%
  • 3rd – Laura Hamilton (I’m So Excited) : 10%
  • 4th – Chloe Madeley (The Only Girl In The World) : 9%
  • 5th – Sam Attwater (Footloose) : 7%
  • 6th – Sam Attwater (Riverdance)
  • 7th – Sam Attwater (Crash Bang Wallop What A Picture)
  • 8th – Chloe Madeley (Kiss Kiss!)
  • 9th – Laura Hamilton (Stop!)
  • 10th – Chloe Madeley (Empire State Of Mind)

Season 6? C’est fin.

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6 thoughts on “Dancing On Ice Monkies

  1. durnovarian

    What is the singular form of ‘Monkies’? Monky? Monkey? Monkie?

    Whatever, I award myself a special one, for having voted for the winner in every single category!

    With the possible exception of ‘best routine’ – I can’t remember what I voted for in that one. I do remember struggling to decide which to vote for, possibly because I struggled to remember any of the routines…. like much of the series to be honest. Perhaps we should have another poll about which bits we really remember?! 🙂

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      The “Best Routine” poll WAS more or less cobbled together on the back of a fag packet. Just making this already glittering ceremony even more prestigious there…

      Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I can reveal that in terms of the sheer numbers, Emma’s 5% was ever so slightly more than Colleen’s 5%.

      Reply
  2. Valerie Hashburntar

    You mention Jenny Powell and it’s probably an accurate fit for the show. Do you have a prediction list of who will do Dancing on Ice next year?

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      It’d probably be pointless – half of them won’t even be famous yet. Actually, half of them won’t even be famous THEN.

      Reply

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