The Apprentice Open : And The Winner Is…

THERE IS ONLY ONE!

So, as quickly and painlessly as possible…

Stella, you’ve won.

Hee!

Yasmina, you haven’t.

WHAT WHAT WHAT?

And Ruth, in the race for third place, you tied with James, and as such, your head will be forever grafted onto his body in a ghoulish affront to the laws of nature and God.

THE HORROR!

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55 thoughts on “The Apprentice Open : And The Winner Is…

  1. Neio

    Even as a big Apprentice fan, and even with the summaries about them underneath, I don’t remember about a quarter of these people!

    Great idea for a contest though. I found myself voting for some people I downright hated, because how could someone as memorably awful as Melissa not go through?

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I think a lot of people are just voting for who they remember at this stage. I am currently in a state of SHOCKED AND APPALLED that one of the greatest Apprentice train-wrecks of all time (from the first three series) is being held out of qualification by someone who was barely in one of the most recent series.

      (Disclaimer : everbody is obviously allowed to vote for whoever they want, even if they are wrong)

      Reply
  2. Ferny

    I remember most of these people but if anyone remembers Adenike Ogundoyin then they deserve a medal of some sort.

    Rachel Groves produced my all-time-most-cringey moment (even more than Nargis-pitch-from-hell) so I remember her very well.

    And where is Paul Tulip?! My favourite duo of all time is him and Syed!
    Adam Hosker was also hilarious. That series was pretty amazing it has to be said.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      Adenike wanted to ring around funeral homes to sell her team’s flowers, and also was sulky. That’s about it.

      Paul Tulip finished on the top four in his series (somehow), ergo he gets an automatic pass to the next round (I waived this with Zoe Plummer, as she was in a series with far fewer people in).

      Reply
  3. Joe

    Lucinda vs Paloma vs Rachel vs Stuart. How do you pick between the Beret, the Bitch, the Brent and the Brand?

    I may have to think about this one…

    Reply
  4. Ferny

    …although if I remember correctly there was a great scene involving a rail of clothes and a shower room wasn’t there? I can picture the scene but can’t remember why – Monk Seal can you help me out?!

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I think he had an argument with Syed wrt Syed’s “pro-fesh-un-ulism” (thanks Melissa!) whilst Syed was still wet and wearing a towel following a shower. There may have been clothes-racks around. I think…

      Reply
  5. durnovarian

    Why can I only vote for one person in group F? I get the blue dot thing in the box instead of the tick thing…

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      Ansell’s stately glide across the Pool should be in the closing credits quite frankly. So tranquil. โค

      Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      No spoilers, but Katie’s group is currently (mathematically speaking) the second most competetive. Not quite Group Of Death, but I wouldn’t say any of them are guaranteed a place.

      Reply
      1. lpf20

        Monkseal, I’ve seen enough TV to realise that this could just be the presenter’s way of ramping up the tension and persuading me to vote more.

        Do I need to investigate edible hats yet?

      2. monkseal Post author

        You always need to investigate edible hats.

        I would never lie about statistics (although at time of writing, it has slipped down to third most competitive)

  6. Rah

    I missed the whole of Series 3. Is it worth watching it for the sake of this tournament? The only one I know is Katie Hopkins, from throwing imaginary objects at her during Question Time.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      For me, nothing will ever quite beat Kate Walsh’s Sarlac face in that youtube clip, although Saira marching down the street in the final in a leather trench-coat bellowing “WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!” is close.

      Reply
  7. Ferny

    Awww some of my faves are gone, but I reckon that’s probably due to people not watching the earlier series (i.e. THE CLASSICS).
    Katie vs. Adam will however live forever in my memory. Poor Adam โค

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      Poor Adam indeed. “Buy 10 items” always ends tragically. Except the Marrakesh variation, which ended hilariously.

      Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      Blame the randomise function on Excel. I know I do for making me choose between Yasmina/Saira and Chris/Zoe.

      Reply
  8. Rah

    Something is wrong with my computer, and all I can see as Yasmina’s nadir is a huge black box. Is this a reference to:

    The ethnicity of black: the ‘Ethnic Minority Olympics’ incident?
    The blackness that is Sandalwood?
    Her unflattering black tabard dress?
    Nothing, because she was Invincible?

    I voted for Saira anyway.

    Reply
  9. durnovarian

    Post-apocalyptic scenario for Stella? Easy. She’ll be out there organising the survivors into harmonious teams who stop all their arguing after one steely glance and just get on with whatever task she’s given them. Whilst she serenades them with ‘Knees Up, Mother Brown’, obviously. You know, so they think she’s really warm and fluffy and not at all an iron will behind a bland corporate exterior.

    Reply
  10. Ferny

    Ack this is ruthless! I only have 2 favourites of mine remaining *fingers crossed they make it*
    I am also very surprised that there is only man left. Usually reality shows have major all-women-being-hated-and-booted-early problems.

    Reply
    1. monkseal Post author

      I think it might be because the earlier series skew more male, and the later series more female, and clearly people are voting more for the more recent series than the earlier ones. On the other hand it might just be that the girls have been better.

      Reply
  11. Ferny

    Whoever wins this, are you going to let them them know via the wonders of Twitter/websites etc? Could be amusing depending on the winner!

    Reply
      1. Ferny

        lol at least it can’t be Katie Hopkins who wins – then there could be an actual threat of violence.

    1. durnovarian

      Two of my faves are still in and *are* against each other. Whilst the other semi-final consists of two I’d have fired by now. Oh well.

      Reply
      1. monkseal Post author

        I feel semi-compelled to point out to both of you that jinxes don’t actually exist and you can say the names of these people, whoever they are.

    2. Ferny

      lol I didn’t want to say in case people lurking in the shadows decide to vote against my faves just the laughs. Now I’ve written than I fell like an idiot. My faves are of course Ruth (Here I go again on my ooowwwwnnnn) Badger and James (It’s been brilliant) McQuillan.

      Reply
  12. Ferny

    Btw Monkseal you said jinxes don’t exist so I said the names of my 2 faves and then they both lost out. Totally jinxed dammit ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
      1. monkseal Post author

        Given that the new series probably doesn’t start til May and Dancing On Ice is lurching to a close, maybe I could do a re-ranking given that I haven’t done one since Series 3. *ponders*

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