Dancing On Ice 5 – Week 8

All steam ahead for the Gary, Hayley and Mikey FI…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Mikey Graham : I don’t know if you heard, but at some point in this episode, he was with the physio. After falling over in rehearsal. I don’t know if a police siren was blaring very loudly outside your window throughout the entire 2043 minute length of the show so you might not have realised. And even then there’s a fair chance you get got the gist on the downbeats. It’s odd, because he would have got through anyway (BOYZONE MAFIA 4 LIFE!) but the sheer amount of padding the show did for him has probably built up a healthy stock of resentment that may translate into a big enough “Anyone But Mikey” vote for someone else to win. Sadly, that somebody is probably Gary Lucy.

Danniella Westbrook : Nooooooooo! Damn you British voting public. How could you let the charming Daniella and BeaverTeeth plunge from joint second right down into the skate-off? Did Dusty mean nothing to you? Or that stupid lift where she swung around Matthew’s head by her feet or whatever? Alright, alright, it was a routine done to “Rose Garden” which is lame even in the kd lang version, and she whinged a bit about her advanced age of THIRTY SIX a bit too much, but still, she’s one of the last best hopes for a bit of surprise on this show. Don’t throw her away so cheaply!

Kieron Richardson : BOING! I mean, it looked like it hurt but still…BOING! That was head bouncing off the ice in training incidentally, making it the 17th injury that day on a still-competing skater. I’m guessing a bust lip is more of a confidence wrecker than something that’ll actually impede your skating but still, good for him for RIPPING THAT SCAR OFF HIS FACE and skating on. Into those axles, in which he barely left the ice, but good for him for trying. I honestly don’t know why they do jumps so early – only about 2 or 3 of these people are going to be able to do them, and Kieron is… not sure footed at the best of times. To give him such an ill-suited element when he and Brianne had been painted purest fluroescent brown was truly cruel.

Emily Atack : Bye Emily, I didn’t really dislike you all that much in the end. Maybe it was the fact that you wearing the cast-off spraypaint “punk” duds of Claire and Zoe, in an ever-suckening chain that will probably end up with Beverley Callard wearing it next year. That and Fred’s increasingly non-professional seeming interest in something, anything, other than you. Made me feel a bit sorry for you. Oh and your mum jumping up and down in the audience every week, always being slightly more famous than you. Still, started off shit, ended up medicore – it’ll do for a journey on this show.

Danny Young : I know the music choices were pretty ropey the entire evening, but my sweet lord, getting pinch faced evil pixie Frankie to skate  to “Yeah Yeah” aka “the McCain Southern Fries Song” aka “that song that Scott Bruton massacred on X Factor”? Truly that is an evil masterstroke on the part of Christopher Dean and Jayne Torville. Poor thing. Having to look that bouncy and happy, I think she desvered most of that 22.0 just for turning up. So yeah, the major story this week was the breaking of the “17.0” curse. I guess he deserved it as well, although I still think he could do with not being so bloody slow all the time.

Hayley Tamnondom : I said as soon as the voiceover came over saying “Hayley is struggling this week” that she’d only top the leaderboard by three points then. How wrong I was. 3.5. SUCH PERIL AND JEOPARDY. I seriously think Hayley needs a break-out legitimately amazing and memorable routine soon, otherwise she’s not going to be able to convert her curreny Ray Quinn status to a win. Farting around to the Glee version of “Don’t Stop Believing” probably isn’t it. Still, of all the “predictable finalists all with pros who’ve won before” likely Final Three she’s still very much my favourite.

Gary Lucy : Official congratulations Christopher Dean, you have made me do the impossible – I felt sorry for Gary Lucy this week skating this routine. Just… what was that? I get that the Olympic Winter Games are pure amazing, but there are seriously only like 4 things you can do (slide down things sitting down, slide down things standing up, slide across things, curling) so building a routine around the GREAT VARIETY on show was always going to be a mistake. When they had to resort to making Biggles goggles I actually winced for him. I mean, he was half-hearted as ever but after this? He deserved a break.


2 thoughts on “Dancing On Ice 5 – Week 8

  1. min

    Excellent – but must take issue with the winter olympics synopsis. Can also shoot at things.
    Could be welcome addition to DoI – especially for Frankie …

  2. monkseal Post author

    That is true. It’s easy to forget when they only let people shoot things in one event though. Why don’t they let the figure skaters have guns? Have the bobsleigh people shoot at things on the way down? That way more people would remember.


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