X Factor – Final

The Cheryl Cole juggernaut rolls on.

Stacey Solomon : Poor Dagenham Stace. In the end I think it’s that she didn’t really differentiate herself from Leona – Queen Of All ballads that did for her. Alexandra had to go hell for leather last year to escape the stigma of “ballad singer”. Hoardes of dancers, songs that were more performance art pieces than songs, and actual human emotion (although in the end it was still a big ballad what won it for her). Stacey just couldn’t really do anything other than wedding singer, as her endearing, but ultimately a bit ropey performance with the hat and the chairs proved last week. Michael Buble didn’t exactly help matters either. Where the other two guest duettists gushed fulsome about their partners talents, Mickey Bubbles preferred to quack on about how the Queen loves him.

Still, I’ll remember her forever for basically sexually assaulting him at the end of the performance (to his clear terror) and also for that ridiculous dress that she came out in for the Queen reprise. That fabric alone was more memorable than 50% of the final performances.

Olly Murs : This final for Olly Murs wasn’t so much about winning the show – the voting figures showed that maw liddle Joe had that in the bag from George Michael week onwards – but about avoiding the awful fate of becoming the 21st century Jonathan Wilkes. Outcome Robbie Williams, with the promise of friendship. A duet of Angels, a swearing of support, maybe even an offer of…friendship? And he’s clean now. He’s sober. The interest in aliens is really a serious and rigorous interest in UFOlogy. It’s alright Olly, he’s not going to leave you stranded in a bedsit in 5 years time looking back on a career highlight of wearing stockings and suspenders in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, HONEST HE’S CHANGED.

The only other thing I remember from his final performances was that “BADUM BAH BAH!” from the end of Sueprstition. I think I’ll remember that forever. Until intensive therapy removes it.

Joe McElderry : It’s kind of hard to find anything new to say abuot any of these people to be honest. Apologies to those of you expecting a grand slam of a final X Factor post. But really that was the point of Joe McElderry wasn’t it? Consistancy. His voice always held up, until the final song when it was more due to bemusement than anything else, but above everyone else, he always came out and performed and performed well, and that really fits with how I choose to view this show, which is to pick the person who most entertains you personally, rather than how everyone else seems to view it, which is a load of hand-wringing about CAREERS and not being the new Leon Jackson and so on. Let the rest of the general public sort that out, including those that don’t actually watch the show (yes, these creatures do exist).

Still, has there ever been a winner who looked less impressed. Even Leona had a look of intense confusion headache on her face. You could buy that she really couldn’t believe that this was happening to her. Joe seemed like the model of someone who went through intense coaching in coping with this sort of moment. Hey, maybe the show actually started some up whe it became clear that he was unstoppable.