X Factor – Rock Week

5ive, Keane, Katy Perry, The Beatles. *throws up devil horns*

Joe McElderry : I don’t get why more of the mentors with… theatrical acts didn’t go down the 70s soft route. Because as wrong as choosing Katy Perry was for Lloyd, Cheryl nailed it by giving Joe some Journey to do. If Stacey Solomon had done “Any Way You Want It” she probably would have escaped the week with better notices than she did. Peerless vocal performance, even if he did occasionally look a bit like a cute widdle hamster nibbling at a carrot with that microphone. Kudos to Brian Friedman for introducing the X Factor audience to the joys of contemporary dance as well. There’s no love song that couldn’t be improved by having two buff young 20 somethings finding new athletic ways to give each other a hug in the background.

Lucie Jones : I love how out of date the references on this show are. Even with Louis Walsh’s peerless mastery of Kerrang and the NME, they couldn’t see beyond Avril Lavigne. Hayley Williams? Amy Lee? Come on guys, get with the millennium. At this point I was still optimistic that these acts would actually do rock songs and not stick heavy guitars into pop songs but alas it was not to last. She actually did a really good job of it, although I’m buggered who this sweet child of hers is supposed to be. I mean, you can finness it to be about someone’s daughter not their lover but…she IS a child. Whatever, it was nice – nicer in the choruses than in the verses but still perfectly nice all the same. And good for Simon finally working out what his criticism from last week was. That it took him a whole week to come up with “boring” doesn’t really speak well of him.

Danyl Johnson : Oh boo hoo hoo, someone was mean about him on Twitter. Everybody’s mean about everybody on Twitter. Although to be fair you wouldn’t exactly have to trawl far to find it regarding Danyl. Watching this show discover the Internet is kind of terrifying with all this talk of tweets, Facebook followers and Youtube views and so on. So many more fora for this show to play out its messy spin-jobs in. Anyway, I wasn’t well disposed towards this to begin with, because “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” is an abomination of a song, but good grief this was awful. Out of tune, sulkily performed, and without any sort of dynamics or hook or anything really. He’s totally phoning this in until he goes home, as, to be fair, Simon was with this song pick. How he can seel with a straight face the idea that Danyl is the best performer in the whole competition after this abortion I do not know.

Lloyd Daniels : I think the whole key with Lloyd can be seen with a call ade to Xtra Factor, when the lady caller asked him (rather rudely) if he thought he was only still there because of his looks, and Lloyd agreed with her. And at another point in the same show he apologised to Dannii Minogue for still being there. Basically, he’s a sweet kid, who can sing well (but not amazingly, and probably not to professional standards) who thought he’d try out to see how far he can get, and now finds himself really out of his depth and feeling slightly awkward about it. He wasn’t helped by one of the worst song-choices in recent memory (didn’t fit the theme, actively anti-fitted the contestant’s voice, uncomfortable gimmick) but bless him this was a sloppy awkward uncharming mess, and his sing-off performance warranted booting. Still, he can’t help being against one of the least likable contestants in the show’s history whilst down there.

Stacey Solomon : I don’t care what teh hatahs say – Keane are perfectly capable of producing decent pop singles. Why you’d want to do one of them in Rock week I don’t know, but that’s where we are. The hysterical build-up to her “doing choreography” this week, was kind of hilarious given what said actual choreography turned out to be (“climbing off cases – walking”). Anyway, she’s done dancing and shit in the group performances. I don’t get the fuss. Anyway, it was yet another very good performance from Stacey, although in this case slightly drowned out by the backing track. I love how the only live presence for the music was some teenager with a keyboard, which kind of would have made it the LOUDEST KEYBOARD IN THE WORLD, given that she was doing a squat-scream in the middle of the stage and she was still barely audiable over it’s PLINKING AND PLONKING.

Jamie Archer : Never did I think I would hear Primal Scream on X Factor. Although I think what they ended up doing was just taking some promo clip for ITV2s Sumemr Schedule 3 years ago, with Holly and Fearne whibbling about with some dancers, and played that instead of an actual performance, because once again, at no point could you hear him, apart from when he wasn’t bothering to even finish his syllables properly. I know the show itself sets a bad precedent with all that “X Fac-fac-fac” stuff in the theme tune, but it’d be nice if someone on this show could pronounce their vowels occasionally. I look forward to more lumpen pub rock next week.

Raceh Adedeji : It was so odd seeing her “Best Bits” clip. Nobody I’ve seen ever on X Factor has shown such a marked difference in personality from pre-live shows to live shows. Basically she went from a likable, normal seeming girl, to a shrieking, honking, over-exmphasising gonk. By this week her “personality” had reached such hideous terminal velocity that I found myself having to literally look away at times. Her performance on the main show was pretty crappy, although that may just be that, after 3 weeks in a row, I have now officially heard enough U2 for a lifetime (although I find myself wishing someone would do Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me next week *shame & hypocracy*). In the sing-off she was better, but can you really keep someone on who’s hit bottom 2 3 times out of 4? No. No you can’t.

John & Edward : I’m getting perilously close to “bored now” with these two, even with the pleasantly surprising twist of them getting to ride roughshod all over the 5ive version rather than the Queen version. There’s only so many times you can tell the same joke and have it be funny, and their voters are rapidly getting as disagreeable and smug a force as Simon Cowell. I feel like there should be a compromise choice – for those of us who want Simon to feel the pain of a dead-weight winner, but have it be via the medium of “hilariously” crap performances. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with Lloyd Daniels : X Factor winner. You know it makes sense.

Olly Murs : I’m kind of glad that my pre-show prediction of him as the winner looks like it might be comin to fruition. I can’t remember if I made said prediction to anybody other than my boyfriend, but I know I made it and that’s enough for me. Really good gritty and seedy performance of a difficult song to really make your own. I probably could have done without the whole shirt tearing thing at the end but apart from that I was totally with it. Maybe not the hair so much, but there always has to be something to keep things from going totally right on this show doesn’t there?


2 thoughts on “X Factor – Rock Week

  1. Steven

    can’t remember if I made said prediction to anybody other than my boyfriend, but I know I made it and that’s enough for me.

    Of course, if said boyfriend was to innocently deny all knowledge of any such prediction, it would make you look like a fantasist, wouldn’t it? *evil laugh*


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