Strictly Come Dancing 7 Wk 6

Disco SUX!

The X Factor – Big Bland Week

Well, Big Bland and U2. And Ricky Martin. And Disney.

Still, at least there was no Mack The Knife

Strictly Come Dancing 7 Wk6 Summary

Anybody who has read this blog for this show for any amount of time will be aware of my hatred for disco-themed Latin dances. I hope you were all feeling my pain during this show, because it was RADIATING off me.

Caused by Laila & Anton in particular because they… just do a disco routine. To “He’s The Greatest Dancer” by Sister Sledge no less. And speaking of tragically ironic song choices, Craig & Flavia dance (ish… actually no, it doesn’t even warrant an “ish”) to “Baby Give It Up”. I feel that Flavia is trying to tell him something. Phil finishes off the disco hell by dancing to “Daddy Cool” and also being almost unmitigated shite. Barely more appropriate in their song choices are Ricky & Natalie who dance to “Good Lovin’” and get mixed reviews, although far more positive than their salsa of two weeks ago that got 32. So obviously they get 32 for this as well.

The American Smooths are much better. Even at the bottom end Natalie & Vincent put in a decently charming effort, and Chris & Ola finally manage to get through a routine (although they better go back to being interesting again next week, because it was one of the dullest dances I’ve ever, EVER seen). Zoe & James take the middle-ground in actuality, with a half-decent (if nervous) American Smooth that falls to bits at the end, but top of the leader-board in the world of the show for reasons that sadly probably do extend to “she might take up a position with a rifle on Tess’ Balcony of Eric Murder if she ends up in the bottom 2 again” . Top of the heap are Ricky & Erin who make up for a dodgy hold and Erin having to hurl herself into the lifts like a torpedo to get through them without falling on her arse via sheer force of personality, and Ali & Brian who take the roof off with an incredibly comfortable, charming and relaxed dance. Finally. Of course this causes Bruno to round off her first-half storyline by giving her a 10.

Filler this week is :

A pro jive of epic mentallism, particularly from Katya which makes me feel slightly bad about suggesting she was the bot. WHO IS THIS ELUSIVE BOT THIS YEAR?

The World Latin Champions Robyn and Some Bloke doing a bunch of Latin stuff

Harry Connick Jr singing some stuff whilst Anton & Erin whirl around him definitely, definitely not in black face not that they ever would you understand.

After all this we get the bottom 2 I probably needed at this stage before I got too over-invested. Because, despite doing an awesome samba dressed in a spider-web, not to disco music, into which she works actual Destiny’s Child video choreography and a finishing move in which she spins Ian around on his arse and stomps on him, Jade winds up in the bottom 2 with Jo Wood. Who did “the worst samba in Strictly history” and so goes home unanimously. With this demonstration once and for all that the public’s taste is directly opposed to mine, I think I can move forward in the spirit of impartiality this blog warrants.

(Seriously though Great British Public, fuck you too)

Dancing With The Stars Week 4

If we have to expand our dances out, can it not be the country-two-step please?

The Amazing Race 15 Leg 5 : Cambodia-Dubai

Thank you Amazing Race, for putting Katy Perry in my head *hums Hot & Cold*

Strictly Come Dancing 7 Wk 5

JIVEPOCALYPSE NOW!

X Factor – Divas Week

And that’s just the judges! LOLLLLLLLLLL!

Strictly Come Dancing 7 Wk5 Summary

JIVEPOCALYPSE!

Wheras last week had Laila and to a lesser extent Zoe to redeem the foxtrot, aint nothing gonna save these jives. Even at the top end Zoe looks moribund and disinterested, and Ali basically loses the plot entirely halfway through and just wanders around looking scared. The bottom end is also a total mess – Chris seems to be getting a lot of “HE WUZ UNDERMARKED!” credit for a routine that was basically three (THREE!) guitar solo bits, one nice bit of kicking and literally nothing else. Although he at least seems to give a crap, unlike Laila & Anton who crap up and seem to think it’s all a bit of a laugh cause hey, it’s Laila’s/Anton’s Latin shrug, whatever (Also – GRIEVOUS act of Bowie violence going on in the background at the same time. GRIEVOUS!). Ricky Groves’ Jive is alright until you realise it’s the same step over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, except some times with a comb. Craig hoofs around like he’s auditioning for Billy Elliott – The Musical and hoping to kid everyone that he is in fact 12, whilst Flavia wears a shirt she just threw on from the laundry basket when she realised she didn’t have anything clean.

But somehow worse than all that is Joe Calzaghe, who turns the horrible hackneyed “leg as air guitar” bit into a “hacking  at Kristina’s leg with a chisel” bit and then just walks around like he always does. That the judges praise this as an improvement and then mark it higher than Craig who at least moved like he wasn’t on a trolley is nonsense indeed.

Actually improving in the V. Waltz section is Jo Wood (although Brendan ruins it by choosing to throw a vote-grabbing strop, which at least gives me the comfort of laughing at all those people who said that he’s changed, because HE NEVER EVER WILL), meaning that the honours for worst in this section actually fall to Natalie Cassidy, who appears to have got momentarily confused and believes she is performing on RuPaul’s Drag Race – lip syncing for her life than flobbing around like a rapidly deflating dirigible.

Phil does a fairly nice (if robotic) Viennese Waltz, but head and shoulders above the rest are Zoe & Ian and Ricky & Natalie, both of whom do really beautiful Viennese Waltzes, but then Alesha goes and spoils it all by giving Ricky & Natalie a 10 and getting everyone all uptight and pissy. Which we could have done without in a week that was uptight and pissy in abounds.

After a pro-group samba that does nothing for me except make me wonder how Anton is still employed (SERIOUSLY), Vincent & Flavia doing their annual “oh hi, we’re quite good at tangoing an shit” peroformance (and they are), Tony Hadley wailing like an air-raid siren, and a really bizarre bit where the judges sit on thrones and scream at holograms, we’re down to our bottom 2 of… Joe & Kristina and Zoe & James. Try to look surprised that nobody likes the couple with James Jordan in it. I KNOW I WAS.

Judges take out Joe Calzaghe in a clean sweep, as you know they would, but the important thing is that Zoe is now broken mentally, and with only James Jordan for support.

This should be good…

Amazing Race 15 Leg 4 : Vietnam-Cambodia

I’ve seen a team go from first to last before, but normally it happens on different legs.

Dancing With The Stars Week 3

Whose idea was it to make Len sit through an entire evening of Latin?