Strictly Come Dancing 11 – Week 1 Performance (2) Summary

So after last night’s relatively tasteful affair, tonight’s show rapidly turns into a terrifying race to the bottom where no bad-taste stone is left unturned, into which both Rachel Riley and Abbey Clancy innocently wander thinking they’re just here to do a dance and then go home again. Oh how wrong you were ladies. Both of them are fine, Abbey a little bit more so, but Rachel surpassing my expectations of her by further than Abbey did wins my heart a little bit more. Pasha definitely had nothing to do with it. No sir. Just like Aljaz’s ridonkodonk (RIDONKODONK) booty has nothing to do with my admiration for Abbey.

The rest of them? *deep breath*

Patrick actually does a fairly decent early jive, although he could do with some shoes with better grip because he’s officially sliding about for half of it like a giraffe flying through a 1950s diner on roller-skates. He’s still by some distance one of the better (if not the best) male celebrities of the weekend though albeit very, very earnest about it. Anya still stubbornly refuses to make much of an impression but I have hope. He gets the same score as Susanna did yesterday, making the whole “lets make everyone do the same dances to compare them” bit feel a little pointless.

Not as pointless as it feels in the tango though, as both Drunken Auntie Debbie and Fiona Fullerton manage to tie Mark’s tango score from the first show as well. The former does a routine actually set on the Dragon’s Den set (albeit with a…slightly more elaborate chair) which she gives plenty of mad-eye and attack but also plenty of, what I’m sure will soon be patented, Drunken Aunty Debbie stumbles. It does though, feel quite ambitious in choreography, which gives me some hope for Robin moving forwards. Anton’s choreography is equally ambitious, in that it revolves entirely around the audience buying him as James Bond. Yes, Fiona’s claim to fame is being spent already, as she dances a tango to the Bond theme that destroyed Jade Johnson’s career. She’s very wobbly and uneasy in hold, but it’s been so long since Anton had a non-comedy partner that everyone craps themselves on the spot and declares it genius. Just only 24 points worth of genius.

The cha chas? My goodness. This is where things get really weird. Ben’s is probably the most sane in that it’s just bad – lumbering, awkward, tentative, to a fairly unsuitable modern pop song. You can feel the Calzaghe flashbacks radiating from Kristina’s poor damaged psyche, and what’s worse is that she’s not even going to get a shag out of this one. Vanessa, Julien and Dave though…oh my. Vanessa and James play out a dating game scenario where James tries to win Vanessa’s heart via romance, flowers, and witty conversation, and then says “sod it” and gets his kit off. Vanessa spends the whole dance indifferent to it all, boggling her eyes into space like Marge Simpson in Streetcar : The Musical. She then gives a speech about the menopause. Julien does a Vogue to Vogue, except he kind of spoils the haughty, refined, slick, mute feline grace of Vogue by screaming and clapping his hands like he’s on the Radio One Roadshow throughout. Janette thought steadfastly refuses to stop trying to be sexy because she JUST CAN’T.

Dave though…man…he runs around the dancefloor flipping his hands like a baby T-Rex screaming WAAHHHHHHH WAAHHHHHHH and tossing his mane around and THIS IS JUST THE FIRST 5 SECONDS. In the remaining 95 Karen crams in every single random dance move that she can into the choreographyfor Maximum Ridiculous Potential. Hip-thrusts, finger-wags, bodyrolls, sex-faces, awful, awful armography, hair-flips, duck-faces, fist-punches, moves that look like they beyond in fight sequences from the 60s Batman TV Show, skip, gambols, limp-wristed flounces, pogoing, a move where Karen falls over and Dave just grabs her ankle and slides her around on her arse…. It’s a Dadaist attempt to make the worst dance possible and goddarnit I think Karen actually does it. Where they go from here I don’t know, but I’m laughing too much to really care.

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26 Responses to Strictly Come Dancing 11 – Week 1 Performance (2) Summary

  1. Ferny says:

    Dave was a classic and I think those two are going to be a good pairing; Karen can be pretty goofy!

    I’m not happy about choosing to bet on Ben pre-show though :/ I feel that was mistake

  2. BuddyB says:

    Hairy Dave was the funniest thing I’d seen on the show in years! :D

    I didn’t ‘get’ Russell, Widdy or JS, etc., but I mean, the tears were rolling down my face watching Dave tonight! The sheer enjoyment of his performance was infectious and whilst God forbid he should ever win, I would like him to stay in as long as he keeps try to dance the steps. A classic Strictly moment was created tonight. Classic! :D

    I’m really open minded about this year’s crop. I’m so jaded by the show now, that I can watch without getting too overwrought and end up declaring handbags at dawn with someone on DS – it is fun watching others do that though! ;)

    • PosiePebbles says:

      Agree almost 100%, but I think I’d swap your ‘in years’ for ‘ever’. Over the last few hours, Mr Pebbles and I have both repeatedly burst into spontaneous giggles. Usually followed by a sigh of ‘bless…’.

    • Left Feet says:

      There were no dance steps in Dave’s dance sadly, it was a lot of shaking about Dad dancing. Maybe he did enjoy himself but Karen did him no favours, Mark Benton is a bigger man and his dancer was better because Iveta actually gave him content.

      • BuddyB says:

        I agree and suspect that Len will not let Karen get away with her choreography for long (we can but hope). I’m not a fan of ‘joke’ contestants and laughed at Dave’s enthusiasm as much as anything, but I don’t want Karen to make a fool out of him. That would be sad.

      • PosiePebbles says:

        I think Mark’s dance was better just because, well, he can actually dance a bit. Hate to say it, because I think he’s genuinely keen to learn (which is one of the reason’s I don’t put him into the usual ‘annoying joke’ category), but I think Dave just has no ability to move in any rhythmic way at all.

        I actually give Karen a lot of credit for throwing the kitchen sink at it to create a glorious mess instead of a boring one. Female pro’s usually just plant their no-hopers somewhere in the middle of the floor and attempt to distract by prancing around them with their flashiest moves (in some cases, almost to the point of flashing… looking at you, Ms Rihanoff). Karen, showing a pleasantly surprisingly bonkers side to her personality, let Dave have his moment in the sun. And there was a weird beauty in it. OK, a very, very, very, very weird beauty.

      • Left Feet says:

        I guess if I was ever famous for some reason to get on Strictly I would like to learn a few steps. Maybe he has no talent at all and I quite like Karen she got a raw deal during her joyless 1st year with Nicky Westlife. But for me i felt the joke was on him rather then with him.

    • Sindys says:

      Agreed – Dave was funny. Almost as much as Abbey and Aljas constantly bashing their foreheads together… Brenda’s face was a picture after that last waltz with yearning to switch Blank Sophie for Effortless Abbey.

      • JaJaLiebling says:

        You’re so right about that envious look!
        Also noted Craig’s suggestive smirk: “I’ve got a hunch about you two *massive showbiz wink*”
        This would, by the way, nicely teach Crouchy a lesson, but I’d only be okay with it if Janette got to trade up first.

  3. Left Feet says:

    Of the men only Patrick impressed although your right he needs to lay off the winning Stictly over 40 comments. Dave Hairy Biker was just embrassing and I felt for him because I felt that Karen was just going for comedy and made him look a fool.
    Think that they should have moved Natalie to Saturday because even though Abbey beat her by a point, I still think she was the better dancer of the two and it would have made Saturday slightly more bearable.
    Julien needs a non cafe diet.

  4. georgie says:

    so julian needs to realise he’s not on ITT anymore and screaming about crystals isn’t going to get him a round of applause…zoe blatently talked him into it as well. dave however <3 <3 <3 tears were coming out of my eyes, whats he got next week? i can see his storyline already but i hope he keeps it hilarious for a while

  5. Kate says:

    Hairy Dave- sheer joy of life- like my cocker spaniel in human form.

  6. Seth says:

    Rewatched that Dave monstrosity because I was too horrified to notice Karen on first watch. She really is a joy to watch, might balance out Dave making me want to punch things.

    Hoping that when Abbey & Aljaž need votes he starts wearing tighter trousers, his version of Artem getting his chest out.

    • monkseal says:

      I’m not sure they could go tighter round the back without things bursting out.

    • Verns says:

      I have seen Aljaž in very tight trousers in Burn The Floor. It is a pretty sight, it must be acknowledged. Oh, and I’m hugely impressed by that ž. It took me AGES to find out how to do that…

  7. Old Applejack says:

    Quite like Dave in his usual stuff, but as funny as it was, that schtick is going to wear thin pretty quickly.

    My hope is that he does try to dance, rather than go down the path that Russell Grant went (or was forced down, who knows?). He’s probably got enough support to stick around for quite a while, whatever happens, and I really don’t want to end up hating him.

    Julien needs less of something beginning with ‘c’, not sure it’s caffeine. The screeching is already past being entertaining.

  8. How long until Vanessa starts scribbling all over the walls at training?

  9. Breppo says:

    Monkseal, you are the spirit of this show!

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