7 weeks in, and it’s time for WEMBLEY WEEK! Now this was my least favourite week of last series, as the cavernous space, props overload and rampant misuse of the space swallowed up any and all dancing that anybody might have been trying to do. Which was not a lot. And whilst all of the above was still present this year, fortunately there were three or four stand-out dances, which is three or four more than last year had, depending on how you feel about balloons.
First let’s get the bad out of the way. Lisa’s samba (representing 70s disco explicitly for once) is a clompy incoherent mess, which she periodically forgets, underperforms, and generally half-arses, culminating in Robin treading on her and some samba rolls that are basically her stood upright whilst he dry-humps her. She then does the splits at the end, and all is forgiven. By everybody, as she gets 8s across the board. Nicky’s 50’s themed rock n roll jive also perhaps fails to live up to the hyping it received on It Takes Two during the week, but then again if you WILL listen to Ian Waite’s opinion on jives then you deserve everything you get. It’s still better than you would have expected a month ago, and, you know…Lisa.
The real short straw of the evening though falls to Victoria who is stuck with this year’s worst most overblown prop (a flying bicycle that looks ridiculous and which it takes her half an hour to be disentangled from) and worst song-choice. How anyway expected anybody to do ANY sort of dance to “Bicycle Race” let alone a paso doble is beyond me, and certainly it’s beyond Victoria as she jumps around like Frogger whilst making the Bunton Paso Face look subdued and dignified. She’s also wearing the remains of Geri Halliwell’s most iconic dress, fed through a paper shredder. All round NOT GOOD.
Somewhere in the middle are Tracy & Vincent and Louis & Flavia. Tracy & Vincent in that all I can see in their 60s theme quickstep is the same old aimless bouncy trotting that made Holly Valance look so ridiculous last year, but which everybody else seems to have found enchanting and delightful. Can we at least agree that all the references to her height are beyond tired at this point? I think we can. Louisa & Flavia sadly fall victim to one of Flavia’s occasional hyper-modeish choreographic brainfarts, as she puts a donk on their Great Depression themed American Smooth with a breakdancing dubstep laser show breakdown. I still can’t quite believe I lived through it. The horror of her paso doble for Matt Di Angelo was bad enough. I LOVE YOU FLAVIA, BUT MAKE BETTER CHOICES.
So that’s enough of the bad, let’s get on to the good.
First of all, ERIN ISLAND HAPPENED. ERIN ISLAND HAPPENED FOR REAL! Erin Boag, on an island, dancing Latin, surrounded by palm trees, accompanied by Lovely Shem from the Dance Troupe in tiny yellow budgie smugglers, to Wham! Of course the dance itself is bobbins, and Richard is still there, cracking jokes that nobody cares about until Bruce actually has to tell him to shut up (SO AMAZING), but still. ERIN ISLAND! FOR REAL! Truly a highlight of my recapping career. Quite frankly, I’m still flailing now.
The show’s leading ladies also both perform out of their skins, with Denise nailing a sassy, heated Egyptian themed Charleston, getting the first 10s of the series. Apart from Craig, who holds out on the dance he calls “the greatest Charleston he’s ever seen on Strictly” by marking it lower than Chris Hollins’ FOR SHAME. Not that I would have given it a 10 either, but I also wouldn’t have tied myself in those verbal knots. Kimberley also GOES for it for the first time this series, throwing her arms and legs and tits and ass and everything about to Ricky Martin for a 90s style samba. It’s got no finesse, but bags of personality, which is pretty much exactly what she needs at this point. Pasha also gets his belly button out. HEY, I’M NOT MADE OF STONE!
Undoubted highlight of the show, and the series, and possibly every series ever though, is Michael Vaughan’s American Smooth to “New York New York”. It is 90 seconds of utter triumph, on a choreographic, staging and performance level, climaxing his journey in dancing, from inept beginner to competent performer, and Natalie Lowe’s journey in Strictly, from hated overdog to beloved underdog. If I have any other dance at the top of my end-of-series ranking I will be very, very surprised. It almost made Wembley worth it.
Almost.
The mighty mighty Monk Seal 
At least you got to see Michael and Natalie’s dance. Fecking BBC Scotland accidentally pressed a button and it switched to a documentary on German Orphans, in Gaelic, for most of his training footage and then pretty much all but 15 seconds of his dance. Furious. I suspect foul play.
Nobody’s laughing but you Richard.
I know! I was only half watching at that point, got really confused, and checked to see if I’d accidentally sat on the remote.
At least there was the full glory of Erin’s Island. I got very excited when they mentioned it on It Takes Two. We love ya, Monkseal, we really do.
I’m glad I was watching the HD channel as I would have been gutted to miss Michael and Natalie. They are singlehandedly providing the entertainment this series for me, I couldn’t really give two hoots about the rest. Although I ‘got’ Denise for the first time last night with her charleston, great dance.
I am still so excited that Richard’s exit involved both ERIN ISLAND and Bruce being genuinely hilarious for once.
Genuinely, perhaps, but certainly unintentionally. I was only disappointed that richard’s exit involved us having to hear Tommy Blaze crucifying club tropicana for a second time!
Richard didn’t help himself by coming out with the exact same line he had used ‘spontaneously’ on It Takes Two.
But now I see the appeal of Erin’s island. The Turtles!
Yes it was the…turtles that I was watching…definitely…
Lisa probably did get the biggest cheer from the crowd and I do think that she is doing well on the public vote. She does sell the dance better then anybody have to say but really hated the Samba roles. Michael really is a ballroom boy but I would not like to see him win with such poor latin Natalie Lowe has really done a great job with him.
I think she’s doing well with the public vote, but it probably won’t be enough towards the end when the judges start giving the better dancers major whack with the marks. I can’t see them going the whole hog for her, but we’ll see.
is it just me not overwhelmed by michael’s dance? natalie’s power and determination is undoubted and she choreographed a masterly number to show him to best effect; but still, i feel the scale of jubilation it received from the judges was more about a story arc than profound transformation. he’s still pretty ‘meh’ when all’s said and done. this is just a number which flatters him a little more.
But surely all of the above is the best we can hope for with some dancers? It’s not as though he’s ever going to be Colin Jackson.
After Lisa’s dance, I said to my husband “carwash? More like carcrash”. When Lisa’s scores came in, my husband said “4 fat ladies?” Very over marked.
I do worry that those confirmed for the live tour have to be kept in by the judges to justify the booking, although Michael has clearly genuinely improved. I don’t think Lisa has ever topped her week 1 performance.
Was thrilled for you to see Erin Island made real. Keep up the amazing work.
The only one of the judges to care about the tour is Craig, who produced it last year and, presumably, had a financial stake in its success. He might be doing the same this year, but the BBC has no stake in it, so they couldn’t care less about who is booked to appear.
I think people looking at tour conspiracies are probably looking at from the wrong side. People get signed up for the tour because they’re popular already, so they stay in longer. Lisa’s had some ropey leaderboard positions that would have seen her hit bottom 2 by now if she were really struggling in the votes. Louis is the obvious exception, but his management seem to be both ruthless and incredibly tacky and grasping based on all the shows he’s been booked on, so it’s probably just paperwork entanglement.
Erin Island! Amazeballs! I thought of you when I saw the set, because I realised that Erin is so DESPERATE to get away from Richard’s pawing that she has put her plea to be voted off the show in literal dance form. Inspired, Erin, inspired.
I did love how she was symbolically shoved off the island at the end. I’m not sure what it MEANS for Erin Island, but lord knows I could do with some new jokes anyway.
My favourite pairing is Michael and Natalie anway, so it’s always good to see the nice underdogs TRIUMPH. If only he could do the same with his Latin because then I could back him to win.
That bike thing was so hyped and then so pointless and awful – no wonder Brendan hated it, so much so that he tried to decapitate himself with the cape to stop the pain. I’m hoping that Victoria isn’t being consistently top of the public vote, I really do, she just ain’t getting much better.
I like Lisa and I quite like her dancing, however the ridiculous overmarking and overhyping is turning me against her slightly which is annoying. I hate it when they do that to a contestant – especially when Lisa is on about the same level technically as Richard but is not really called out on it because she’s ‘a big bundle of fun’ bleugh
Also what the heck was up with both Flavia and Louis today? They both looked like their pet dogs had just died.
After it didn’t win Russell any votes last year I had hoped they’d take the hint with the flying, but apparently not. I don’t get why Victoria couldn’t ACTUALLY RIDE HER BIKE, GIVEN THAT THAT’S WHAT SHE DOES, but I guess health & safety wouldn’t cover it.
There have been a lot of dark mutterings about “difficult circumstances” with Flavia & Louis this week but I’m not sure what they are. It feels a bit like when everyone was very solemn around Erin the week after she and Austin got chucked out, and it felt like that was for extra reasons that they couldn’t mention as well.
The flying bike, I guess, was officially to make the most of the auditorium and unofficially, to waste as much of the dance time as possible. I so wanted Victoria to be brilliant at the start but the benefit of doubt has been exhausted and she needs to be put out of her misery.
Also, how much would you love it if Erin was a reader of your blog?! I’m sure there has to be some connection somehere between this blog and the actual island staging. I love the idea that you had a hand in the Wembley set design haha
The one week that I influence and it’s flipping Wembley…
I personally get annoyed that my friends don’t read your blog so I have to explain the concept of Erin’s Island to them. It’s less funny when I do it. We’ve even developed a drining game based mostly on your recurring references and piss-takes…
One sip for any of the following:-Bruno getting out of his chair, Len mentioning sportspeople, (Bruno dry-humping Len in the face – 5 sips), Darcey giving constructive criticism, Craig breaking words down into three syllables, Bruce missing his lines, Tess wearing an awful dress (variable sips between 1 and 5), Tess saying coooples, Our northern friend Lec shouting at the telly, “it’s coooples not coooples” (she’s northern too and sounds just like Tess)- 2 sips, Celebrities forgetting routines and most recently – Brenda falling arse over tit (down your glass)
Just for the sake of analysis – we have been mostly pissed on Bruno, Bruce and Pendledrama not remembering to dance.
Anybody falling arse over tit surely has to be a drink? It’s always a Strictly highlight! I can’t take the thought that anybody wouldn’t raise a glass for Ian falling over in Zoe’s showdance for a start.
I expected James and Denise’s Charleston to be gurn-tastic, but I actually thought it was great. It had the swivel and the bobbly head thing (don’t know the technical term for that, but Kara Tointon did it really well too). My other highlight was Bruce having a go at Richard – as you’ve said before, I think Richard would be more likeable if it didn’t seem like he’d worked all the jokes out in advance. He’d already done the “Nicky and Kimberly being blase about Wembley” bit on ITT. Although I do quite like the idea that he just bitches about the other contestants to anyone who appears on Daybreak, as evidenced by Christopher Biggins apppearance on the Friday panel. And of course, without him we might not have had ERIN ISLAND.
I’d rather it wasn’t with flipping Biggins.
Thank you for showing us the Island Erin!
I think it has been confirmed that there is a secret cabal of Monkseal followers working on Strictly – Erin, The Man In The Hat, maybe Brenda, possibly even Tess (the awful outfits could be a meta commentary…oh well, maybe not).
Was anyone else reminded of the Wicked Witch of the West when Victoria was swinging precariously on the bike? Most pointless prop ever.
I think given the hints of producer interference this week I’m just hoping that it’s someone on production. I can only DARE TO DREAM that Erin Boag might be a presence.
At the moment Louis downfall is Denise biggest chanche. And i swear if i hear one more time about meanie judges to Louis, im going on a killing spree.
Natalie rules the the world. I worship her.
I thought charlestom from van outen was amazing. Yeah she is a ringer, but at least she delievers amazingness.
BUT WOOK AT HIS SAD WIDDLE FACE!
I just want to see him cry.
LOVE the winkle. She is genuinely just reading aloud. Except that bit maybe.
Whilst I admire Flavis’s slightly ‘different’ approach to the American Smooth (and let’s face it, sometimes ‘different’ works on this show) – WTF was she thinking? Much more of this and Louis is going to go the way of Matt Baker – I know he can do gymnastics but I really don’t need to see them in every dance.
I wonder if the competitors had any say in their song choices? I know it’s been strongly hinted that for Halloween they got given their song and that was that – I’m assuming the same thing happened here, as it’s the only possible excuse I can come up with for Brendan attempting to fit a paso around Bicycle Race.
ERIN ISLAND is a place of wonder.
Denise is an EVIL RINGAH BITCA who nonetheless is better than anyone else out there; maybe her previous experience is more apparent than others but on the basis of the last 2 weeks she deserves to win. Hate the Charleston though – but then I always have.
Lisa’s latin dances are merging into one great smorgasborg of side-by-side franticness with a few dance-appropriate moved thrown into place – I’m wondering if the issue is with her or Robin? is that all she can do, or is that all he can come up with? I think he showed more variety with Patsy so I’m starting to think that it’s Lisa is the issue, and she’s been coasting on a wave of personality/better-than-expected-in-week-1-goodwill so far.
Natalie is the best thing to have happened to this show.
Nicky and Kimberley – meh. Nothing much wrong with either of them, but I’m just finding both partnerships to be a bit bland overall. I also forgot Tracey Beaker was there.
I just looked back at Patsy Kensit, and I’d forgotten what a lot of Latiny dances she got through. In the space of five weeks she did salsa, charleston, jive and cha cha. Maybe Robin used upp all his choreography on her. Still nothing he’s done for Lisa has been as choreographically misguided as that yee-haw country quickstep.
Well Wembley had it all, from Erin Island (complete with budgie smugglers) to Graham Norton’s Barbie Dolls. So looking forward to the full blog, complete with the Bunton Paso face marking for Victoria.
I may well bring it back, for one entry only….
I’m bored of Lisa now. She’s not improving and might even be going backwards. The judges have mentioned since the start that her technique needs work but it doesn’t seem that she and Robin are taking it on board.
Victoria’s paso was the first time I’ve enjoyed watching her, even if it wasn’t great. Denise’s charleston was the first time I’ve enjoyed watching her and it was great. Michael and Natalie are my favourite but its more to do with their effort, personalities and the bond they have. Their ballroom is good so I’ll be interested to see the reaction to the next Latin number, I feel like Michael is following the Darren Gough arc.
Goughie Latin was poor but Michaels is in a differient league, he still has to do Samba and Rumba! You can’t win Strictly on ballroom alone, at least I hope thats the case.
You know, I think he might be okay in the Rumba. Not great because, well, few male celebs ever are (blokerumba!), but it’s slow enough where his poor sense of rhythm in Latin won’t be quite the problem it is with the faster Latin dances.
He can’t move his hips in a “sexy” way, I don’t think that Michael can really do Sexy he tries but his latin dance faces are really offputing like he’s got bad wind.
Gough also didn’t have to salsa, or charleston. When you count in that BLOKERUMBAs always get sympathy, and one of the sambchas had to be his “rubbish jounrey start” dance you’ve really got very little there that actually would show anyone up.
I feel like it’s more of the Gavin Henson arc, with 25% better dancing and 100% less hilarious KATYALOLS.
I think that’s why I like it. If I can’t have Gavin and Katya back, this is the next best thing.
There must have been so many people who took one look at Erin and Richard’s set and shouted “MONKSEAL”!!!! Who knew that her transport to the island was not private jet, or private yacht, but private giant turtle?!
AND The Man In The Hat gave a little salute. I’m sure that wasn’t “coincidence”. Hello MITH!
He doffed again, but it was only in the corner of shot. BUT I SAW!
Michael and Natalie were everything I watch these shows for. That was exquisite choreography. Natalie knows it’s not about draining the enthusiasm out of her partner because she is too busy showing everyone how brilliant she is. Natalie knows it’s not about turning her partner into a complete joke so that she won’t have to actually do any work. Everything was wonderful in that dance. Could I go on about frame issues, or some other technical fault? Probably. But it just didn’t matter. Michael went out there, grin on his face, throwing his arms in the air like a kid playing superhero, completely free, trusting Natalie, Natalie trusting him with those crazy lifts, just living that American Smooth, with so much drive and care and somehow managing to not make Wembley seem like a tomb. The sense of release and happiness at the end, that they couldn’t believe they did it – to me that is what this show is about.
This will soon fade away and we will likely be given a finale where the “suspense” is choosing between Denise insisting that she had a complete nervous breakdown in dress rehearsal and beat James with her heel, or Louis doing the exact same dance, with the exact same bored facial expression, every week until he’s crowned winner in what will be likely remembered either as “boo Craig, we got you back by making this series all about you and giving you endless publicity,” or, “Isn’t it hilariously fantastic and ironic and post-modern that someone who looks bored/embarrassed every time he has to dance is now going to win the show?”
But I certainly enjoyed that moment tonight, and the whole thing summed up exactly why the show should be very proud of Michael and Natalie, probably the only couple this series who had the perfect combo of fearlesness and hard work + wonderful chemistry + a first rate teacher and choreographer.
In my above bitching I didn’t mention it but I thought Louis danced whatever that thing was well, very well. I just couldn’t get past the dead facial expression. I couldn’t believe Flavia decided this was her week to go wild with what looked like a SYTYCD angst piece on acid. That “break” in the middle made my jaw drop. The last time she had a really talented partner (Matt di Angelo), she went overboard with choreography too.
The breakbeat thing in the middle of Flavia’s song was from “Gold Digger”, which samples the “I Got A Woman” song they were dancing to. Doesn’t excuse it, mind, but at least it’s not *totally* random.
Hey, Tracy Beaker and/or Lisa will probably be there as well!
I like Dani, but I think she is forgettable enough to the public that she could go over someone more popular, or be removed over Kimberley, if the show wants Kimberley in the finale. Lisa I think may go as soon as she’s in the bottom, unless she’s against someone like Michael or Nicky. I think the show is being nice and waiting for the chance to get her out. (I also wish someone would tell Robin his choreography is pants and drains his partners of any talent, but I have given up on that).
Are they doing the danceoff all the way to the final 4 or 5? When does it stop?
I figure it’s 3 more dance-offs, and what happens in the semi-final double elimination is up in the air. Currently I’d guess “no dance off”.
Maybe Louis will go the way of Ricky Nipple – his dancing will get him to the final, but someone with a bit more personality will get the glitterball.
Louis seems much more popular than Ricky, so he probably has a much better chance. There’s no “Cola” this year – Michael and Natalie come closest but I can’t see him getting to the end.
I was amused by Brenda’s dislike of the props used in his and Victoria’s dance. Apparently the man that came up with Snowdance has some limits on his tacky-ness after all. *surprised look*
I giggled for the entirety of Richard and Erin’s dance. Erin Island is real!
And then…wow. I’m still not sure if Michael and Natalie should win (his Latin still isn’t good enough yet, even by the low, low standards of sportsman!Latin), but at this point, I definitely want them to (he did the big shoulder/bluebird lift! Without any injury!porn or anything! It was amazing!).
I think we all know that Brenda’s blind-spot is entirely 80s/Jim Steinman related. Normally he has a pretty good eye outside of that (Sarah Manners sparkly vampire paso aside, although really you COULD just argue that that was ahead of its time).
I don’t even remember the sparkly vampire paso. Either that was before I started watching, or I repressed the memory. Probably the former, since…well, I still remember Snowdance. And the original Di Angelo moments. And…most of series 7.
Oh it was Series 2, so ancient history now.
LOL at Erin Island and to Club Tropicana (although the singing hurt my ears!) – she totally reads this blog, doesn’t she? Also in awe of Natalie’s achievement – the perfect choreography for her celeb and Wembley. Totally what I want to see in this show. Hadn’t Flavian lifted rather a lot of Vinnie’s AS for Rachbot and tagged on her half-baked urban gymnast mess at the end?
I know it was to the same song, although I can’t imagine that Rachbot would ever do something so simple as just to run around in a great big circle.
I dunno, I’m still kind of enjoying Lisa, but then I tend to like the people who look like they’re having a blast, which is probably why I am SO over the Louis hype. No idea what Flavia was thinking, but then, I rarely do. It’s also probably why I don’t really care if Denise is a ringer. She’s fun and looks like she’s having a great time, unlike ringers of previous series who looked like they were taking it WAY too seriously.
Poor Victoria. They really screwed her over this week. She was actually looking like she was going to do decently in the Paso, too. (I mean, she was one of the few celebs that was actually doing proper arm shaping for at least part of the routine.) How do you create passion when you’re dancing to a song about riding a bicycle and are stuck spending the first portion of your dance flying around and wafting your skirt?
Erin Island is real! I think I may have pulled something laughing when I saw that. Especially when he “threw” her into the “water”. A big splash sound effect, and I was well and truly GONE. As I said on twitter, it was terrible, but at least it was hilarious.
Then there’s the middle of the pack and…blah blah, don’t care. They’ve turned into one big lump in my brain.
And then there’s Michael, who has pulled off another miracle: making me really like Natalie. I didn’t think that was possible after I started to despise her during the Ricky Nipple series and the Scott Maslen series. Back then, her exuberance felt like manic desperation to WIN, WIN, OMG MUST WIN! I WILL DRAG YOU OVER BROKEN GLASS IF NECESSARY TO MAKE YOU WIN! Now it feels like she’s just genuinely enjoying herself, working him hard still, but not quite looking like she’s going to go on a murder spree if she doesn’t win anymore.
For me Lisa had an awful week but I’m not totally giving up on her yet. She just needs to desperately get back whatever she had initially in the Latin and continue working on her ballroom (which I think IS getting better) but I haven’t entirely lost the capacity to enjoy her. I thought last week was probably her best since Week 1. It’s just that this one was the worst.
That’s the problem with having your breakthrough dance week one. 😆
Stormy, I ompletely agree re. Natalie – I only really liked her for her scarves of fierceness before, but now she’s relaxed and fun and really bringing out the best in Michael, she’s my favourite pro this year. It’s the same turnaround as Ola – I never “got” her and then she paired up with Chris Hollins and I immediately loved her.
I love Lisa’s personality and her enjoyment of the show, but I cringed at yesterday’s show – she just wasn’t that good tbh.
I’d love to see a “people’s final” of celebs who genuinely seem to enjoy learning and dancing – that would be Lisa, Dani and Michael – but am resigned to Denise and Louis with Nickimberley in third place.
And Erin, if you do read this – you totally deserve your island this year, IMO 🙂
I thought everyone was supposed to have turned around on Natalie last year with Audley? I get so lost…
See, Audley was so forgettable, though. Natalie kind of got lost in that vortex that was Audley’s personality and repeated threats to beat the snot out of Craig.
Audley was a bit here’s my feet the rest of me will follow. Michael has the ballroom dancers height, physique and tiny hands and feet.
Not just a cricketer, but a successful international captain. Boy knows how to practice his footwork. Also he’s a nice bloke.
Hate to be a DSer but Denise is kind of tiring. Or is it James? Again.
I really wish they’d stop with the “IT WENT SO BADLY IN REHEARSAL” schtick. I don’t even care if it’s true. Admittedly it was just Bruce this week. Also she’s stopped doing the face.
They should carry on with the “James is jealous of Ian” VTs somehow.
That’s just given me an idea for another MS poll – most hated Strictly cliche. (I guess you’d have to omit the re\ally obvious ringers, eg “Nice to see you”) . But even so, there are so many choices. My vote would go to “A very popular couple” but let’s face it, there are squillions of choices, and not just from Bruce. I’d even throw a posthumous vote towards Arlene’s Alliterations, which used to drive me mad.
“IT’S A VERY HARD DANCE FOR THE MALE CELEBRITIES TO DO!” will now and forever be my least favourite.
Shem really is lovely. Can we start a campaign to get him as a regular pro? Please?
When I heard what the music choice for Denise’s Charleston would be, I thought I’d hate it, but it was great.
But who would he rep…oh. Anton. Never mind.
quite enjoying being the only kimberley fan on the face of the planet right now. her dance this week was really good! at least i’ll be in favour when the bots rise up. brilliant blog btw, keep up the LOLZ.
I like Kimberley. I have enjoyed her last few Latin dances, anyway. She’s very, very laid-back, which isn’t a good mix with Pasha, but I like her.
Hey, last count 36% of the MONKSEAL COLLECTIVE wanted her to make the final. That’s liking of a sorts.
I wouldn’t mind Pasha making the final on his own.