Strictly Come Dancing 10 – Week 3 Performance Summary

It’s HOLLYWOOD WEEK on Strictly Come Dancing. It’s like Movie Week but…erm… Alright, it IS Movie Week, but if someone says one of the OLD NAYMES, the names that Evil Moira Ross created, the beast itself will return and take ownership of their souls, so Hollywood Week it is. To open, in tribute to Old Hollywood, Kristina flashes her Fred’N’Ginge to a song by a 7th place finisher on Australian Idol 2. I am TRANSPORTED.

Broadly speaking the dances represent the three Golden Ages of Hollywood Dancing. That is to say “The 90s”, “The 80s” and “Old Stuff : Ask Your Mum”. Streaking out ahead of the modern lot are Denise & James, with a foxtrot to “You’ve Got A Friend In Me” dressed as Woody & Jessie, that’s chockfull of potential to drown in treacle, but fortunately it’s a foxtrot and therefore is sufficiently deathly dull at its base elements that we don’t quite have to reach for the dexamethadrone. Too often. Would have been better if it had turned Brokeback halfway through though. Hovering around the middle of the decade are Nicky & Karen, who are both so over this that I’m actually only claiming their bent-kneed wander-fuck to some song to The Mask was ridiculously overmarked for their own good. Honest. Set them free voters, set them free. Somehow they’re marginally above Colin doing a nice-enough tribute act to Mark & Karen’s INFAMOUS Goldeneye tango, albeit with more rolling around making gun fingers going “p’yow p’yow” because that’s just how Strictly rolls these days. At least…I presume it was a tribute. I couldn’t hear what they were dancing to because something kept screaming “WHEN I WON WITH RAMPS!” from somewhere twenty feet above the dancefloor. Possibly from some sort of Starship. Bottom of the 90s heap is, of course, Michael, who strips down to cricket whites for a Full Monty cha-cha that ends with him almost, but sadly not quite, demolishing the entire set in the style of Crossroads.

Most iconic of the 80s legends are Louis & Flavia, who do the mambo from Dirty Dancing complete with Dat Lift and…that’s pretty much all you can say about that really. Just behind them is Lisa, doing some routine that the Year 9 girls made up for a school assembly about their new favourite film – Dick Tracy! Apparently Madonna’s now planning to become an ACTRESS as well as a singer! I’m so excited. It’s all a bit robotic and grim-faced and technically proficient, which isn’t really a direction I’m interested in this partnership heading in. Pull it back girl! You too Lisa. Middle of the 80s heap is Richard as Erin continues to grind out Ballroom routines with grim proficiency, thus making their choice of “9 To 5″ – a song about turning up for your rote job every day, being far too talented for it, and dreaming of something better – an entirely apposite choice for their quickstep. Sadly this is officially a “No Camp” week for Richard, so it’s not nearly as stupidmazing as it could be. No falsies for a start. Unless you count Richard’s “one-liners”. Sadly shaming the 80s are PENDLEDRAMA as Brendan dresses up as Richard Gere in An Officer And A Gentleman (remember when Julian did that as A JOKE because the idea of anybody doing it straight-up was too ludicrous to imagine? Good times), and Victoria does about 15 seconds of decent dancing before getting tangled in her dress and being hauled off the floor more times than Arlene after a night on the tequilla slammers.

Old Stuff? I’m not really familiar with them, being only young and all, so let’s just say that FRED N GINGE did them all. I think maybe Gene Kelly was the lead in The Wizard Of Oz, but I can’t be bothered to check. Racing to the top are Tracy & Vincent and Kimberley & Pasha, both performing audience-appropriate era-specific tributes to The Wizard Of Oz and Summer Stock. Tracy has a cute little dog run out on stage (sadly it does not poo everywhere, which is the one thing that would have made the routine better) and Pasha is wearing really cute glasses, so I’m pleased all round. Kimberley continues to be a bit of a crashing bore, but what can you do? Somewhere towards the bottom are Jerry with a dressage exercise performed to Mrs Robinson, complete with overly-elaborate staging that falls flat when someone backstage pulls an audible over the end of it, and Fern, doing Mary Poppins. This week’s trick to hide the fact that Fern has no clue what to do with her hands? Make her hold an umbrella the whole time. SUBTLE.

Transcending time, space and gender though, is Sid Owen who produces easily the worst tango the show’s ever seen, and frankly I’m not sure it isn’t right up there with the worst Strictly dances of all time. I’m not sure I want to talk about it, and this is in a show where the Comedy VTs made a roaring comeback, Darcey’s scoring unhitched itself from reality entirely, and Len had his second pre-scripted “I’M GOING TO TEAR A FRONT-RUNNER DOWN NOW GRR GRR GRRR” of the series, and we’re only IN Week 3. Regardless to say, the cat-suit’s ON, the Hypnoboobs are OUT, the head-banging is RAMPANT, and there’s a guitar that lights itself on fire. And not in a good way.

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57 Responses to Strictly Come Dancing 10 – Week 3 Performance Summary

  1. JillianBoyd says:

    Right around the time Sid started dancing, I realized that I was Done Wiv Dat Shit. I want someone I can root for!

    • Carl says:

      I’m mostly rooting for Dani/Vincent now, which is a little odd, because I thought I’d dislike her based on the launch show. I can’t see them winning but I enjoy them for now. I’d also root for Kimberley if she stops being so depressed.

      • JillianBoyd says:

        I want to root for Kimberly because I like Pasha, but there’s something about her that doesn’t sit well with me. I dunno. I think I was a bit down on last night’s show. I’ll figure out why once I get my own review up.

    • monkseal says:

      Were you relying on Sid for that up to now? Were you pulled in by a Surprisingly Sweet Week One Waltz? It’s alright, we’ve all been there, but in the end it means NUFFING.

      • JillianBoyd says:

        Apparently so. I wanted so desperately for Sid and Ola to be surprisingly good, but that… thing that was not a tango made me balk a bit. It’s that I haven’t found my underdog yet. In the past, we had people like Gavin and to a lesser extent Tuffers. Characters that were in essence not that good, but you still looked forward to seeing them every week. Sid seemed to be a bit Hollins-esque, in the sense that he did quite well on week one, but then got a bit sidetracked by patented Ola choreography. I got by perfectly fine rooting exclusively for Hollins throughout series 7 (mainly because I’d had enough of Ricky Nipple and Ali Bastian by week three),

        I dunno. Does this make sense? Add to that the return of COMEDY VT AHOY and props
        and the fucking dance-off….

      • monkseal says:

        This point of Series 7 was Chris’ Dog Days though, when he forgot half a routine and messed up a couple of dances horribly. There’s still hope for Sid yet. Possibly. To reach the semis anyway. Alright, maybe the quarters.

  2. Krumholtz says:

    Are we officially going with not mentioning the Daly-bot singing? If we could make this a rule so I can block it out of my head, that would be appreciated. Thanks.

    • Breppo says:

      Yes, excellent idea. The less said, the better.
      May I suggest to add the whole opening routine with heartless Craig to the rule?
      Must rank very high on the All-time Worst Moments On Strictly list.

      Tess did look stunning though. For once her boobs weren’t wonky.

    • monkseal says:

      I thought…she didn’t sound too awful? I dunno, she was almost dressed nicely this week, I feel like being kind.

      • Krumholtz says:

        She was dreadful. Worse than Rylan, to cross reference my Saturday night viewing.

      • Breppo says:

        I ran to the fridge to see if the milk was still OK.
        She could strip wallpaper with that voice.
        If she were on that other programme, she’s one of those that mr. Walsh would ask: “Do you have a second song?”.
        Like the runner up of the Dutch Strictly 2012 season, she’s best seen, not heard.
        Now I feel like being kind…
        (feels nice)

      • Justice Bellingham says:

        I thought she sounded not awful as well. Good on her joining in. And the dress was the first this year I liked.

  3. katy says:

    I missed the singing… As soon as Bruce threatened it I was on my mute button faster than a fat kid pointing at the doughnut selection in Greggs.
    This series is really quite terrible, isn’t it?

    • Left Feet says:

      Do you mean the dance quality level of the celebs because its probably about the level of the last series. Most series only have a handful of real contenders. Its not at series 7 levels yet.

      • monkseal says:

        I thought Series 7 had quite a high level of dancing talent or at least potential at the top end (Ricky, Zoe, Ali, Jade, Laila a bit) – it’s just that a lot of it got squandered when it wasn’t managed properly by the show.

      • katy says:

        I mean everything just seems awful. I love strictly so much, I am probably very guilty of over-hyping it. I normally mute Bruce and Tess as a matter of course, but this year it seems I’m only putting sound on for the dances, and even then that doesn’t always last. It’s getting embarrassing to watch!
        And I’m sure the dance quality is worse… but then I am also watching this series sober.

    • monkseal says:

      I think it’s struggling a bit for lack of decent men? Really it’s just Louis, who probably needs to Go On A Journey before he’s polished enough, but as it is he’s stuck out on there on his own as the Only Good Man and his flaws are totally exposed. I think the female end is holding up fairly well, although I’d like Victoria to be a bit better than she is.

      • Min says:

        Colin has/had potential – but it was squandered on Kristina. Even without the height difference it’s a wrong ‘un.

      • Carl says:

        I think the women struggle because of personality issues…Victoria and Kimberly both seem fragile, Denise is extremely polarizing and has the endless meta ringer story, Fern’s entire story (cheeky but determined veteran who makes Artem a softie) was completed the first week, and since she and Artem aren’t exactly great entertainment on the dance floor, that makes her somewhat of a spare part. Dani has a certain journey type story, but I don’t think she’s a main favorite for the show. Lisa will have to fight the perception of peaking the first week.

        So far the narratives are very there-is-no-way-out, and very tense, such as the endless “when will Louis not look like he’s dancing at gunpoint”/”why are you saying that, Len’s jealous, he’s getting better every week, leave him alone!” and, “everyone hates Denise because she’s gorgeous and talented and people can’t handle strong women”/”why are you saying that, she’s a ringer, she’s a fake and an actress, don’t call me jealous, I loved Kara, Kartem forever!” and so on.

  4. Poppy says:

    But at least with the Brucie/Tess singing we got a fabulous final note from the band, with loads of rude vibrato from the trumpet player, which was a bit like Dave Arch thumbing his nose at Bruce. There was so much awfulness about that whole beginning section, it’s hard to know where to start.

    I do wish the audience would stop clapping along with everything already. Or at least clap on the off-beat. I can just picture the stage manager standing at the side, miming clapping over his head to get the audience to join in…someone needs to take him aside and explain about how you clap to music when you’re older than 6 years old.

  5. Left Feet says:

    I think that Denise probably did the best dance of the night probably an unpopular opinion but I thought the routine from James was genius. She has no real chance of winning because of her past background, she is also a marmite personality. I also usually agree with Len when he marks a contender down and at least this time he did not shout and act a tit.
    Louis really has to bring it because I watched his face in the Salsa and it hardly changed, the lifts were good but that was it really. The guy is a performer as well as a sportsmen in his sport he has to perform a routine which he has to remember and peform. So he as that advantage over all the sportpeople who have ever being on the show, perhaps he can’t show feelings?
    I do think that they should lay off the themes until Halloween, this one did not really work

    • monkseal says:

      Len didn’t really have a chance to shout, given that the whole audience was so hepped up on estrogen someone would have taken his head off with a well-aimed handbag. If he’d kept it up it would have made the audience reaction to Kara’s American Smooth just look like a bit of booing.

  6. Monaogg says:

    Len was on form tonight with his inappropriate comments. Telling Jerry (I think) she was all neat and tidy down below. Then calling Lisa a bit of a goer. Ooohh errr missus. :oops: Even Bruce looked somewhat taken aback and Bruno was franticly trying to shush him.

    Darcy needs to get a copy of the Alesha book of marking and bin the Arlene version she is currently using (bad enough Len favours the men or Sports people). Someone really needs to show Kristina what an AT dress should look like. Ola seems to have taken over from Aliona with the batshiz choreography. Flavia needs to learn to do Salsasambacha, that routine missed all the classic SCD requirements except lifts.

    A less than classic show this week. More like the Saturday Flash Gordon series than a trip to Hollywood.

    • monkseal says:

      Theme Weeks are always better the fewer/better people there are. This week seems to have had the effect of consolidating the front-runners and really ham-stringing the people who were “coming along nicely” in the mid-pack by choking their performances with themes/props etc.

  7. jspanero says:

    THE MAN IN A HAT READS THIS BLOG! HE WAVED TO THE CAMERA AS INSTRUCTED!

  8. Old Applejack says:

    I may be asking a bit much of the judges, but could they please carry a little card with them, reminding them of a) what they have scored celebs in previous episodes, and b) what they have scored in the SAME FRICKING SHOW.

    It is only down to a lack of such information that I can explain how Len believes that Victoria was better than Louis.

    • Pasta says:

      Always cringe-worthy when Len comes all ‘respect the dance’, when it’s one he knows nothing about at all, like the salsa.

    • monkseal says:

      But then they’d be constantly reminded that they gave Hamela’s quickstep a 40/40, and nobody deserves to be branded with that shame for the rest of their lives, not even Len.

  9. Lacey says:

    I was prepared to vote for Pasha even if he was partnered with Pudsey the Dog but blimey, that Kimberley exudes tedium on a truly cosmic scale. I wish Pasha would learn to talk so he can drown out that dreary monotone she speaks in. How the hell did she ever get to be a professional singer? The way he keeps deferring to her is making me heave. How much moral support does a multi-millionaire, award winning, pop and West End star actually need?

    • monkseal says:

      She’s just such a perfectionist! That’s why she let Girls Aloud release that gopping cover of “I Think We’re Alone Now”.

  10. Dancing Cake says:

    Phew, I thought it was just me completely losing my sense of humour/enjoyment, but thank God I now realise that it was just that a lot of things in the show were crap. Even Dani and Vincent’s routine (I’m really liking these two) was spoiled by a recurring image of Emilie ….,

    Really looking forward to your full recap, MS, which I know I’m going to enjoy much more than this week’s show. Extra points if you fit in the Stephanie face!

    Weird fact from the official Strictly site: Craig gave more 8s than Len last night.

    • monkseal says:

      How could the image of Reality TV Legend Emilie ever spoil anything? The thought of her always makes me smile, then laugh, then snort into my fist in an undignified fashion.

  11. Starpuss says:

    You didn’t mention The Wave from the Man in the Hat. I waved back at him like the fool I am!

  12. katy says:

    oooh, and did you spot John from GBBO, he was shoehorned into the audience!

  13. Jemma says:

    I want to know why Ola was wearing her sex clothes last night. I had a mental picture of her and James doing it. Not. Happy.

  14. Poppy says:

    I forgot to say last night that I love your description of Jerry’s QS as dressage. That’s so exactly what it was!

  15. Pops says:

    I watched Strictly at my mum’s last night, and she asked if I thought the judges had been told to go easy on Victoria because the BBC don’t want to be seen to be making an Olympic heroine cry on TV. I’ll have to point her in the direction of this blog. I felt a bit sorry for Sid. I think tangos to non-traditional music can be brilliant – my ‘If I was ever on Strictly’ fantasy tango song was When Doves Cry, until it was used by Rachel & Vincent, who did an amazing Argentine Tango to it – but Here I Go Again was never going to turn out well. However, the shots of him stood on the balcony after he’d been slated, looking disconsolate in that wig with the guyliner were just too funny.

  16. Kikishua says:

    I can’t stop wishing that Colin had been matched up with Natalie.

    Also I’m now going to have to re-watch because I didn’t see the Man With The Hat wave.

  17. Carl says:

    You were right to beware of the comedy VTs. I thought we were done :( The others mostly seemed to be recycled from ITT. The comedy ones weren’t too bad this time (at least some like Vincent/Dani) but they are lying in wait to truly hurt us.

    In the emotional connection scale I keep seeing flashes with Fern and Artem but their choreography is now reaching the point where she is just going to walk out and shake her foot at the camera. If Artem pushes more I think they’d be a team to beat, because they have more general chemistry than most this series.

    Michael got Gary Barlow’s haircut! Why?

    I felt slightly sorry for Louis over all the horror that he hadn’t seen Dirty Dancing. How many men his age have seen it? Maybe if he’d seen it he wouldn’t have been doing Swayze-by-numbers, but I can’t be surprised he hasn’t seen the movie.

    • Monaogg says:

      I have never seen Dirty Dancing nor have I read 50 Shades. 8) No shame in that either.

      • Old Applejack says:

        I see your ‘never seen Dirty Dancing’ and I raise you a ‘never seen Grease either’.

      • Carl says:

        I’ve seen some of the main moments, not the whole movie (I had no idea what the “watermelon scene” was until someone told me earlier today). Sometimes I think everyone my age and over is supposed to have seen it, whether we have or not.

        They should have had a comedy VT where Louis had to watch it (then again Flavia probably told him the entire plot 50 times anyway).

      • monkseal says:

        I don’t think 50 Shades is something one “reads” so much as something one catches.

    • monkseal says:

      Dirty Dancing is this show’s sacred text though. The only reason Kerplunk won Series 1 is that she and Brendan together reminded people of Baby & Johnny, and hence a franchise was born.

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