Eh. They’re no Shell & Stuart. Now there was a couple who put all our faith back in marriage.
Today the house saw the fake nuptuals of Steph and Mario (/”Shuan”) with Mikey as best man, all of the female housemates who aren’t bitches as bridesmaids and the most comedy vicar-like of the Big Brother voices presiding. It was a beautiful affair, with Lisa faux-operaticing Celine Dion to match the legend that was Michelle Bass’s “Pie Jesus”, Rebecca randomly splurging confetti around like a Super Bowl half-time show, and Alexandra dressed all in black tottering to her feet halfway through to declare the whole thing an abomination under the eyes of the Lord as though she’d just stepped out of the pages of Dickens. Well, a Dickens imitator.
It was a fitting end to the first cohesive initial task in Big Brother in ages (*collective shudder at the memory of the Big Brotherhood, the suitcase vote, and especially “Ziggy goes speed-dating”). Except then they tacked on a foiler at the end to make sure they kept their designated house-bitch around for another week. Never mind that the foursome had more or less passed the task with no-one out-right saying that Mario & Lisa were the hidden couple – no the ponit had to be forced with your standard rushed Big Brother vote (It wasn’t live. Maybe give these people a little more time to state their case yes?) which flushed out Mario & Lisa in one last burst of shit acting (dear Mario. If you were part of the task, then you know who the couple is. Therefore it looks really suspicious standing there yelling “DALE AND STEPHANIE! REX AND STEPHANIE! DEFINITELY NOT ME AND LISA!”)
The end result being an unholy trilogy of Alexandra being smug, four of the less irritating housemates being up for eviction (well… three of the less irritating housemates. God knows I didn’t like Mario already, but his little “if you criticise me you’re also criticising Mikey, because he is my best man. Therefore you are a bigot who hates the blind” rant tipped him over the edge for me) and Kath not getting any cake. Boos in your general direction for Big Brother for yet again grinding a great task to an unceremonious end with an inorganic thud. I appreciate that after the victories of Anthony, Pete, Brian, John and Shilpa getting booed out of the house you’ve not exactly got a great model for how to do a satisfying end to anything, but at least try harder than that.
In Further House News : Naked Rebecca looks an awful lot like Naked Nadia, Nobody’s going to stop Lisa from catchnig the fucking bouquet, and Mohamed auditioned to be the five central character on “The Big Bang Theory”.
